Deb_rox
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Posts posted by Deb_rox
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OK, so everyone was so nice with giving advice, I thought I owed everyone a follow up! In case you don't remember, it's me, Deb - the big girl dating the bald guy.
In short - everything is fantastic.
So last weekend, we got together at my place, and we had a talk. It was his idea - basically he wanted to confess the fact that he was bald, and wore a hairpiece to cover it up Of course, I had already spotted it before, but I didn't tell him that.
Apparently he started losing his hair when he was about 16 (he just turned 23, a few days ago, now). He showed me pictures of him back then, but I have to think the hair loss must have been something only he noticed at first, because I couldn't see anything different with his hair back then. I guess the loss just got worse and worse, to where it was very clear to everyone that he was going bald. He was telling me how badly it affected his self-esteem and social life and everything else. It seems as though he tried to hide things by wearing a lot of hats, and also cutting his hair really short.
When it came time to go away to college, I guess he decided to try a different plan. Being in another state, He told me he could get away with the hairpiece thing. Apparently he didn't want to look like he was in his 40's when he was really in his 20's (his words not mine). But he didn't have much experience wearing the thing, before this. At a later time, he showed me - and yeah, he's got hair on the back and sides. But totally bald on top
Anyways, he tells me that he was really nervous about me finding out. Poor thing, I guess he had invented this nightmare scenario in his mind where I find out he was bald, and like reject him. Even laugh at him! Me, of all people - I am pretty sure I am literally twice as big as he is. If anyone would understand about feeling self-conscious about perceived body issues, it would be me! But I guess he just got all worked up about it, and sort of made the whole thing seem like a way bigger deal than it really was. Ultimately he was really stressed about me finding out.
He told me that he loved me (LOVED ME!!!) so much and he'd be crushed if I like...stopped being attracted to him or something? Stupid man, I told him that I loved him too, and I didn't care if he was bald or anything else. He just makes me happy! And after that, I don't think we set foot out of my apartment for basically the whole weekend. I think you can probably imagine what was going on LOL.
Anyhow thanks so much to everyone for the advice! Really did help out a lot - he just needed some time to talk to me about it on his own! Worked out for the best!
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I don't think my insecurities are consuming my life, necessarily. I do get that I am not some sort of bloated, hideous troll, or whatever. But I have had a streak of bad relationships lately, and I have a history of insecurity issues. I know there's plenty of guys out there who appreciate bigger girls, but that has not been my experience in the dating arena. Every so often (IE - right now), the old fears resurface. I do go to therapy on a bi-weekly basis and it has helped out a lot, so I like to think of myself as a work in progress.
This relationship is definitely the most positive one I've had for a long time. I don't know that I am ready to use the "L word" yet, but...it's definitely on that path. It's not like my recent relationships were awful or abusive or anything. It's just that ultimately I felt like a disposable part of the relationship, if that makes any sense? As if the relationship ultimately failed, for them it was kinda no big deal. Like I was more convenient than really desired. What I have now, is different, and it feels good
Anyhow, I'll just stay the course at this point, and see where things end up. If he wants to tell me about the hair thing someday, that's great! With hair or bald, he's what I want 🙂
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40 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:
I'm sure there was sticky tape he could have used to keep it on or he wouldn't have removed it in plain sight at all or he'd have said something if he felt self-conscious. That he hasn't at all speaks volumes that he is quite confident.
No that's the thing - he DIDN'T take it off! I must not have explained it correctly, so I'm sorry about that. Like he spent the night with me, and kept it on. It was only when I woke up before him that I noticed the part where the wig met up with his natural hair. It got a little frazzled during sleep, that you could notice what it was, at that point.
That's my issue, I know he's (probably) bald, but I think he probably doesn't know that I spotted his fake hair? I am agonizing whether or not I should come clean and tell him that I noticed it, and that it's ok, OR should I just pretend ignorance and let him tell me in his own time. If he ever does?
I know that this situation is kinda silly, but...if he hasn't told me yet, either he doesn't trust me to keep his secret, or he's just too embarrassed about it, and think's I'd laugh at him. Either way, I don't know which is the crappier situation
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I know, and I don't mean to make it all about me - I do get that it's not. Just my own self-esteem thing I guess.
I do get why he'd want to hide it - early 20's isn't a common time for baldness, as far as I know. If that's what he feels he needs to do to feel attractive, then that's ok. I squashed myself into a pretty serious pair of Spanx for a while when we first started going out, so that's a kinda sorta similar thing, lol. I just hope he's not nervous about it, and I'd like to let him know it's ok, you know?
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So, I get that this question probably seems a bit silly, and I apologize, but I don't want to mess this up
I've been dating this guy for about 3 months. Things are going great! Recently, he was staying over, and I woke up in the morning and looked over at him. He was still asleep, and I noticed - he was pretty clearly wearing a hairpiece. Or toupee, or whatever it's called these days
Now he's a young guy (22), so if he's bald, I can imagine him being pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. But quite frankly while it's a bit of a shock, I don't think I really mind. Quite frankly, I am not perfect in the looks department either, and when it comes to how attracted I am to him, not to be lewd, but ah...I'm more concerned with what's in his pants, than what's under his hat, lol
But what should I do? Do I tell him that I know, and that I don't care? Or do I wait for him to tell me? What if he never does?
Honestly, It's kind of causing me my own self-consciousness issues. Like, for me - I'm pretty fat. Not chubby or anything - I'm definitely a big girl. He's not. So my subconscious is bugging me - like is the only reason why he's with me because I'm the best he thinks he can get? Like "I'm bald, so I might as well just go do the fat chick" or something like that. I'm sure it's nonsense, but that's what I'm going round and round with, right now. It's stupid, I understand, but I'm perhaps not the most confident of people, so there it is.
I just want to talk about it, but I don't know if I should.
My boyfriend (22) wears a hairpiece
in Dating Advice
Posted
Thanks again everyone - it was pretty awesome to have a place to air this out. Felt weird thinking about doing it with friends, since it was obviously a secret he was trying to keep. Wasn't my place, you know?
As an aside - I think my guy's kind of a little hotty without that hairpiece thing on! LOL