John-VT

I appreciate the majority of the feedback. I’ve confronted her, directly and she nearly broke down and was in agreement. She said that there has been a lot on her mind lately with work and family health issues that I was unaware of and she said that she “eats when she’s stressed.” She also went on to say that she’s been struggling with her weight for years and has huge swings i asked her if she wanted to work through it together and she said yes. Time will tell, but I appreciate those of you who said to just bring to her attention directly. I’ve never really discussed weight with anyone before and knowing the social stigma about it, I honestly didn’t know how to approach it Thanks again everyone.

We met shortly after the breakup with the crazy dog lady. Since March. It’s certainly hard to help, like you said, if she chooses to ignore it. Yesterday, I was excited to announce to her that I reached a new fitness milestone at the gym and she deflected my excitement. It’s clearly bothering her. I am usually very blunt and concise with what I say, but the weight thing is always taboo with women and just want to address it tactfully. If I go at her in my military/direct way of talking, it’ll likely be unproductive.

Different women believe it or not. She is back living with her mom and adopted another 2 dogs from what I’ve heard. (4 total). Luckily, that’s not my problem anymore.

Let me preface my post: By NO MEANS am I fat shaming, I am just looking for advice on how to approach my concerns tactfully. My girlfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. We are both around 40. I would say, since before we moved in, her weight has been going up. To the point I would guesstimate that in probably the last 3-4 months, it has gone up by 30-40 lbs, which to me is an unhealthy speed of weight gain. I’ve tried cooking healthier meals and once done, she’ll go and snack on a bunch of chips or whatever afterwards. We go out to a restaurant, it seems like she is seeking out the most unhealthy food that she can (usually a fried meal with fried sides). She also orders out for breakfast and lunch nearly every day. Has to order the most sugar filled drink at Starbucks and a pastry every morning, even after already having breakfast (either at home or by going out). Several close friends of mine (couples) are interested in doing a ‘biggest loser’ competition based on percentage of weight loss and they asked us if we would care to join in and my girlfriend immediately said, “I have no interest.” (Their idea, not mine) I’ve been trying to peel back her emotional layers to see if she is having something going on, like depression, but she continuously tells me she is fine. I’m extremely concerned because her gains are (IMO) unhealthy. She is ‘stretching’ out my XL sweatshirts now. She is heavy on her feet when walking around our townhouse, her snoring was non-existent and now it is so loud that it wakes me up throughout the night and can be easily heard throughout the home, even from a different floor. I wear a CPAP and I’ve talked with her about her snoring and suggested that she look into it, she said no. A week or two ago she said to me, “Why don’t you ever pick me up and carry me upstairs to bed?” I deflected it the best that I could, but in my head, I was thinking that it would very likely hurt me to try as now I would guess she is well into the 200+ lbs range. My mom asked me yesterday if there was something going on with her because she is also growing concerned after the last time they saw each other My physical attraction towards her is diminishing. I want to help her. I just don’t know what the best course of action is to do so, without sounding scummy or heartless. Please help!

Well, it's over. Final recap: Her: "It's tough to have such an important part of my personality not be understood. I'm sorry you feel this way, but if something like this is such a big deal, then I don't think its going to work out. Neither of us should have to make a compromise we're not comfortable with" It would appear that I have not and will not ever matter to her in a relationship. I'm glad I found out now. It's really too bad. I truly do love her, but I cannot be in a one way relationship. Thank you all again for all your advice!!

The dog has arrived. Things have become awkward. Weird text exchanges, the dog is not treating other dogs well/seems aggressive, she is canceling activities because she doesn't want to be away from her home. The trip we have planned for the beginning of next month is now potentially/more than likely cancelled because of this dog... Yeah.... I appreciate all the responses. I have to do a lot of soul searching and consideration about all that has happened.

You’re absolutely right! It is her choice, but it’s also my choice to not let her move in. This single sided happiness theory of yours is toxic. Would I have said no? Probably not, however, I won’t have a chance to find out because I wasn’t even a thought of hers when she made this decision. We had quite the coming to Jesus moment last night and everything was laid out. We’ll see what happens, but a few days are being spent to think about all that was said and then we will come back together and see where it all goes.

I had a conversation with her about it and she said that she does not understand my reaction or why this is any sort of problem. She went on to say that she’s disappointed with how I am reacting. We are both in our mid 30s and are both divorced, so this isn’t our first rodeo for relationships. I told her that the dog isn’t an issue, but that not discussing it with me first is. I also explained that since we are talking about moving in together, that big decisions like this really need to be discussed. More of a respect thing than anything else. She told me that she doesn’t see why it is such a big deal because it is her decision ultimately.

First and foremost, I love dogs and all animals! I have a 4 year old pup and she has an 11 year old pup. We don’t currently live together, however, once her lease is up, she is moving in with me by the summer. With that said, last night she dropped a bomb on me and said, “I did a thing today. I am adopting another dog..” No prior discussion about it, just that she is doing it. We have a planned upcoming vacation and had already figured out arrangements for our pups and now to introduce a third one is going to require some maneuvering, but it isn’t impossible. We are also discussing moving across the country in early 2023 and were planning to rent for a year before buying, to make sure we are happy with the move and I would rent out my current home in the meantime. Most apartments don’t allow dogs and some allow up to two. Now with a third, it completely screws that all up. I am not mad, I’m just annoyed. I like having things planned out, but most importantly, I prioritize communication in a relationship. Would I have said flat out no? Absolutely not! I would have had a discussion and pro/con list the idea. I know this probably seems frivolous to many, but I’m hoping someone else has been down a similar road and I’m curious how you navigated it? Thanks in advance!