This thread made me find this site and inspired me so much the last few weeks I wanted to come on and add in a couple stories I know off the top of my head to help. I'm 2 months post break-up, went NC about three weeks in just due to logistic reasons. I broke NC this past week, and have tentative plans to meet her to catch-up Monday. I don't expect a reconciliation story to come out of that, in fact I'd put solid odds she pulls out of those plans before hand. 2.5 year relationship, 1.5 years living together, was planning to propose Feb/March of 2022, I'm 33, she's 30. She said she lost feelings, felt like she didn't love me anymore, wasn't sure we were compatible. Which is interesting because less than a month before she was asking me to promise we were going to get married. I'm trying to move on and heal but been struggling to do so, feel like I healed to a point and I've just been stuck there. Maybe this meeting Monday will be the final straw (painful straw) but to help me let go. Who knows.
Anyway, the stories:
I recently became friends with a couple who are older, late 40s. They've been married since they were 18 (due to unexpected pregnancy). They have three kids. When I met them they seemed very much in love, very much in sync, surprisingly so for how long they've been together. Well when my break-up happened I confided in the guy (I was confiding in everyone at that point to be honest). And just asked if him and his wife had every split in the past. Well here I was shocked to learn that a year earlier they had been separated for 8 months, that he thought it was over, that they had sold their house, living separately, and at the point of getting divorce papers officially. I don't know all the details but I'll share what I know. Apparently he had a brief affair over 2 months, he broke it off but the woman told her husband who told my friend's wife. Apparently there was a brief split of a couple weeks but then they came back together and decided to work it out. But after a few months apparently the wounds she had were too much. He caught her texting a guy from work, multiple times, until finally she just left. He said the next 8 months were the worst of his life, constant depression, couldn't function. They lived apart, and he said he made himself available to her whenever she asked, which he now feels was a mistake. He said he tried to go NC a few times but always broke, and looking back feels like that's why it went on so long. Apparently they had a family vacation planned every year, for two weeks, his daughters didn't want her to come as they were quite upset with her but he insisted that it was a family vacation so she should be there. He said over those two weeks of just constant time together they re-connected a little. When they got back things kind of fell back into the same pattern, living separate, she was apparently seeing the other guy the whole time. I'm not sure the whole story here, but I know that he said they got into a big fight the one night, she left. He thought for sure it was over and was planning to call the attorney in the morning and have the divorce papers started because he was just mentally and emotionally exhausted. Then the next day she calls him repeatedly saying she's at his apartment and wants to talk. They talk, and she says she's done with the other guy, that she's decided she wants to re-commit to them and their relationship, move (he was going to move states as part of a refresh) and work things out. So that's what they did! Interestingly when discussing my break-up with both of them he said don't reach out to her at all just stay away, but then she interjected and said well if you had done that we might not be here.......not saying not to do NC but just thought it was interesting. Now they seem very happy, he said its tough and that there's still a lot of pain to let go, but if you met them you'd never guess it.
Second story - there was this couple I knew in college who had dated all through high school, went to the same college, etc. My sophmore year they broke up, or took a break. I guess just one of those GIGS things or wanting to make sure they were right for each other. During the "break" the girl did something sexual with a guy friend of hers and the guy found out about it....he freaked. Broke if off with her entirely, wouldn't talk to her, hated her really for a long time. I want to say at least 6 months, maybe more. Then they started talking again, not sure how, and eventually reconciled. They're married now with two kids, I don't talk to them anymore but haven't heard anything bad about their marriage or anything.
I'm on here and other website just like most of you, and for the same reasons as most of you. I know that the only way there's hope is if the other person realizes they want the relationship too and comes back to make an effort. Which is a big reason I'm not hopeful about my meet up Monday because I had to initiate it. But these stories do help, similar to what others have said I don't think its false hope.....to me its almost that just because a relationship ended doesn't mean it wasn't worth something, or that the other person just moves on with nothing residual from the time you two shared sticking with them, reconciliation or not. Reconciliation I think is just an in your face manifestation of that.
Wish me luck Monday, if it even happens, but more importantly wish me the strength to do what I need to do to move on and let go one way or the other. Because I've accepted that that is necessary.
Getting back together really does happen!
in Getting Back Together
Posted
Hey All,
This thread made me find this site and inspired me so much the last few weeks I wanted to come on and add in a couple stories I know off the top of my head to help. I'm 2 months post break-up, went NC about three weeks in just due to logistic reasons. I broke NC this past week, and have tentative plans to meet her to catch-up Monday. I don't expect a reconciliation story to come out of that, in fact I'd put solid odds she pulls out of those plans before hand. 2.5 year relationship, 1.5 years living together, was planning to propose Feb/March of 2022, I'm 33, she's 30. She said she lost feelings, felt like she didn't love me anymore, wasn't sure we were compatible. Which is interesting because less than a month before she was asking me to promise we were going to get married. I'm trying to move on and heal but been struggling to do so, feel like I healed to a point and I've just been stuck there. Maybe this meeting Monday will be the final straw (painful straw) but to help me let go. Who knows.
Anyway, the stories:
I'm on here and other website just like most of you, and for the same reasons as most of you. I know that the only way there's hope is if the other person realizes they want the relationship too and comes back to make an effort. Which is a big reason I'm not hopeful about my meet up Monday because I had to initiate it. But these stories do help, similar to what others have said I don't think its false hope.....to me its almost that just because a relationship ended doesn't mean it wasn't worth something, or that the other person just moves on with nothing residual from the time you two shared sticking with them, reconciliation or not. Reconciliation I think is just an in your face manifestation of that.
Wish me luck Monday, if it even happens, but more importantly wish me the strength to do what I need to do to move on and let go one way or the other. Because I've accepted that that is necessary.