islandgirl27

Thank you for reading and your replies. I really appreciate your comments and it gives me some perspective to think about.

I completely agree that I shouldn't drink and become an emotional mess when I'm around a guy I'm dating. It's off putting and I could see how that makes me look. I don't normally drink, so I hadn't picked up on that, but now I am much more aware of it.

Also, normally I wouldn't share about my exes or my past unless someone is asking. I know I can come off as reserved, so I wanted to show him I could open up, especially since he asked me to let out my insecurities to him. He had talked to me about how his ex cheated on him and I was very supportive and understanding. So I guess I felt that I could do the same, but really it just backfired and I am the one who is seen as damaged goods.

I (30F) met a man (38M) on a dating app about two months ago. Since he was a single father and worked overtime most of the month, we mostly communicated via text message and saw each other once or twice a week briefly. He would often text me long paragraphs of how we were meant to be together, how I was perfect and he had a lot to offer me, and how he could see us having a wonderful life together and just being happy. He was very detailed in these fantasies about this lifestyle we could have. I was a bit skeptical at first because I did not want to be love bombed, but I appreciated how into me he seemed to be. However, in person, he was completely different-- he was distant, cold, and emotionless, so I was really frustrated at how he could text me all of these wonderful things but then not act like it in real life. One night, we were having some drinks at his house and one deep conversation led to me calling him an "idiot" and told him I might not be the right girl for him after getting frustrated that he was so different and cold towards me in person. He got mad and called me "selfish" and having "little empathy" for his situation. I was upset at this and just left without saying a word more to him. The next morning, he ended things between us via text. I accepted it and moved on.

About two to three weeks later, he texted me that he was still confused about what happened. We started to talk more about our feelings and he finally explained that he had felt put down, which I completely understood and apologized a few times and told him it was wrong of me to call him an idiot for expecting him to know what I want. If I was in his shoes, I could see how my words hurt him. I explained to him that I was hurt about his words about my character when he really does not know me, and up until then I thought I had been showing a lot of understanding and compassion for his situation of being a single father with a heavy workload, and still trying to find love. I think he understood where I was coming from and also apologized.

Fast forward to now, we had been seeing each other for another month and everything was going great. Again, he would say how I was perfect in every way, but now he kept pushing to be in a relationship and for me to meet his son. I wanted to take things slow and told him I wanted to be sure about us first before rushing into a relationship and especially rushing to meet his son. I did not want to be pressured into a relationship but he kept bringing it up. To me... I feel that before we can start a relationship we have to be in love and sure about one another, and I wasn't in love with him yet, but I didn't tell him that, instead I expressed wanting more time and patience as I was not sure yet about a relationship. So the other night, we were having drinks (sidenote: we rarely have drinks together, we mostly work out or relax and have a nice chat about random things), and things got heated between us again. When I drink, I tend to forget details, so I can't remember how the conversation got to this, but I mentioned that I was so sick and tired of offering support, compassion, and understanding to every boyfriend I have ever had but I have never felt that I was offered the same back. This made me get a little teary-eyed, and that's when I said I was "disappointed" that he has not hugged me or comforted me when I'm hurting. I really can't remember what happened after, but I know what he ended up leaving in a hurry without saying another word. The next morning he sent two texts saying he was done and in his own words "not coming back this time."

So here I am, really confused and hurt that this man who said I was perfect and was so important to him, just ended things with one text without letting me explain myself once I was sober and clear-minded, but also he didn't even explain how he was feeling. I also can't remember everything so I wish he could just tell me what it was that I said that upset him. He said in his text that I played an "emotional rug pull" and that "it's not good for others". Which... I am upset because, again, he has no idea how I am with others and he shouldn't be summarizing me like this. I never open up to people and I don't cry in front of others. Either way, I just wanted to hear him out and wanted to be heard myself. I think it's highly unfair that he doesn't even want to talk about things. I feel like every time I cried, opened up, and showed raw emotions to him, he leaves me. I thought I could trust him.

I am not asking how to get back with him, I don't think we belong together how he always said, but I am frustrated and trying to figure out what is wrong with me? Why did he do this to me twice without even giving us both the chance to talk about it? Am I dramatic and the problem? I barely ever drink, but damn... I shouldn't be punished for getting a little tipsy and emotional. What now? Please someone give me some advice.

Thank you.