I had been dating a guy (let's call him ex date) for 2 months, I stopped having feelings & sexual attraction for him so I broke it off, but we were still good friends. Shortly after that I started developing a romantic connection with an online friend (over text) and we were planning to meet. I told him that I wouldn't sleep with anyone until we met, which would be in less than a month.
Two weeks after the break with ex date, and a day after I made that promise, I got extremely drunk at a small get together my roommate had. One of the guests was sending live and my ex date viewed it, he saw and heard that I was drunk off my face, that I walked in to a wall etc. and messaged me if I wanted him to come and join us. I didn't want him to come to our place because I didn't want to do anything with him so that I didn't have to ask him to leave. But me and ex date had promised to finish some work that we had together at one point, so drunk as I was I wanted to keep the party going and suggested to do that work (this particular job could be done while drunk), he said sure and that I should take a taxi to his place and kept messaging me to come while I wasn't leaving the party, so I did, knowing I could leave just after we had finished it.
When I came there I was ready to start doing the work that we had planned, but he didn't want to do, confused I started doing the work on my own and sat by myself at his computer. He then suggested for us to watch some series - this is something that we used to do as friends before we were dating, but also during dating. So I knew that he could watch series in a friendly way which I wanted to make sure of so I told him "I can watch series with you as long as we don't do anything, I don't want to do anything like that with you". He said of course and we went to his room where his TV was. He laid down on his side of the bed and before I laid down I said once again that I didn't want us to do anything, he was acting like it was weird of me to even make sure like that - so I laid down as far away as I could of him.
After that I just have flashbacks, I remember that he started touching my V and holding me, I have a feeling that I took his hand away once (but I'm not sure) and then the next memory I have is him having sex with me on top of me. I think he got off me and wanted me to be on top of him, I was so drunk and confused and I'm not sure if I did, I just remember that I interrupt it and stand up next to the bed, and I say something like "no let's stop". I lie down again on my side and within 10 seconds he starts to go down on me. I think I interrupt it and he falls asleep. I end up leaving his place and I don't feel bad about it at first, but as the hours go and I'm sobering up I start to feel really bad and when I see him messaging me I feel just disgusted viewing his picture and seeing his messages.
It starts to eat me up more and more as the days go by, ex date keeps messaging me, says something random about yesterday and I say something indicating I didn't remember what happened and he says "you don't remember yesterday?" - I don't answer and he skips on to the next subject asking if I want to join a party or whatever. After 3 days of me being a bit short but still answering, he writes me a message out of the blue about everything he has done for me and how he has always treated me right, that he always wanted the best for me and that he will stop messaging me but if I ever need anything I can contact him. I end up writing to him that I don't understand why he had sex with me despite me telling him that I didn't want to. He goes in defense directly and writes me an angry message back saying that he saw me walk in to a wall, wanted to save me from being on the friends live and that it was my choice to go to him and that we did it together, and that we shouldn't speak anymore "what a joke" etc. I feel uncomfortable and a bit intimidated and write something neutral back about how I think he could have responded better and that I wanted to ask and know.
Anyways I try to deal with it myself, thinking that it was stupid of me to be so drunk so I took responsibility for me putting myself in that situation, but that I don't want to ever see him anymore because I felt totally different about him. A few days after I find out from someone that he had a prostitute party a few days before he had sex with me while being that drunk, which made me feel even more violated and used than before because I'm very much against that.
I don't know how to classify this. I know that he took sexual advantage of me because he knew that it was his only chance of having sex with me, I don't even know if I fell asleep (something I usually do in a sec of being drunk lying in a bed). I just know that it was not at all what I wanted, he should have never had sex with me if he saw me being that off my face drunk and "helping me" like that. He had been drinking apparently too, and when confronted later by his friend he said he never heard me say once that I didn't want to, which is something he must have heard because I said it AT LEAST 2 times clearly cause I knew I wanted to make sure. What I have a hard time with is my bad memory, and I blame myself for being that drunk and "gullible" but I saw him as a friend. What if I got horny after his touching and wanted it, but I think what I said twice should have been enough and I know deep down if he would have ever asked me for consent I would have said no. I also find that message very strange, why would he declare everything good he has done for me suddenly out of the blue.
I am disappointed in how many men only care about themselves and having sex to all costs, that they are so driven by it that they don't think about me as a person and my wishes. No ***ing respect. I would just like to hear your opinion about the situation, because I am not sure I fully accept it yet, and I think I could benefit from some objective honest views.
What is your opinion about this situation, and about guys having sex with really drunk girls?