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Myriam

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  1. I need help. However, every time I try to express how I feel, specially if it's something painful, no words come out. It doesn't matter whether it's to my husband, friends, family, doctor... it's extremely hard to convey my feelings. I'm very outgoing and love being around people. Nonetheless, every time I try to share something "from the heart" it becomes hard to breath, I feel strangled and nothing comes out. Usually, I'll just give up and become the listener or lie my way out of the situation. The worst times were with my husband. If something's wrong, he won't accept some excuse and we're in for a couple of minutes of silence while I'm screaming inside and nothing comes out. Right now, it's better than some years ago for I can already share positive feelings and say to others how much they mean to me. How can I ask for help without the words explaining what's wrong? Especially when my friends and family (let alone acquaintances) view me as a happy person, which is the opposite of what I'm feeling. Even right now, I'm just writing about how difficult it is to ask for help instead of saying what's wrong. What should I do?
  2. Thank you so much for your intake! I've never considered it from that perspective. I'll definitely follow your advice, start doing more physical hobbies and stop pressuring (even of unintended). We really need to change and I have to be more proactive about it. As soon as we get vaccinated we'll go to the doctor, as others suggested, to know what to do about our health, both mental and physical, and ask for marital counselling. In the meanwhile, I'll do my best to ensure that we both eat healthy and exercise.
  3. We use contraception (condoms). I stopped taking the pill because I had secundary effects to every one I tried (had frequent gynecologist appointments). Nonetheless, we haven't been to the doctor since the pandemic started and were waiting to be vaccinated to go.
  4. Thanks for your advice. I'll talk to him about us exercising together. If it's riding a bike or playing football, he'll probably accept right away (I think he just doesn't like gyms nor running aimlessly). Personally, I'd love that. Even though my job is quite active, at night I have way too much energy. As for eating healthier, we've been careful lately.
  5. Well... maybe his self-esteem is a bit lower since he gained weight. I noticed he cares a lot less about his appearance than he used to. Also noticed that sometimes, when I compliment him, it feels like he doesn't believe it.
  6. He actually changed jobs 2 months ago. In january, he came home because of the lockdown and when the country reopened he felt he could not go back to how it was and changed jobs. He works a lot less and that's how we can spend time together.
  7. Thanks for replying! It was good. It started changing about 2 years ago. There were two major changes at the time, he changed his job (there were stressful times in the new job) and I stopped taking the pill (had increased libido after that). He's 30, I'm 28 and we don't have any chronic illnesses (not sure if that's what you asked). Overall, I'm healthy but gained some weight and couldn't exercise during the lockdown. He gained a lot of weight in the last couple of years and does little exercise. We don't have kids but would like to in the next 2/3 years. We go on a date at least once a week and every evening we either go walking together or cuddle. I never brought whips nor begged. Just curious and would like to try different stuff once to see if it's enjoyable. You're right, marriage therapy would probably be the best, I'm just really scared and am not sure how to bring it up to him or how to choose a counselor.
  8. Thanks for replying! It was good. It started changing about 2 years ago. There were two major changes at the time, he changed his job (there were stressful times in the new job) and I stopped taking the pill (had increased libido after that). He's 30, I'm 28 and we don't have any chronic illnesses (not sure if that's what you asked). Overall, I'm healthy but gained some weight and couldn't exercise during the lockdown. He gained a lot of weight in the last couple of years and does little exercise. We don't have kids but would like to in the next 2/3 years. We go on a date at least once a week and every evening we either go walking together or cuddle. I never brought whips nor begged. Just curious and would like to try different stuff once to see if it's enjoyable. You're right, marriage therapy would probably be the best, I'm just really scared and am not sure how to bring it up to him or how to choose a counselor.
  9. My husband and I have been in a relashionship for 12 years. For a while now our sex life as been unfulfilling. The problem lies in the differences in our libido and preferences. I'm much more physical than he is, even in the most mundane aspects of our daily lifes. I like longer hugs, deeper kisses and a lot more touching than he does. Luckily, we could find some compromise and live happy and generally peaceful lives. However, when it comes to sex, our needs are too discrepant. I love having sex and if it were up to me, we would have it every day. Although he likes sex, he feels it's quite tiring and doesn't want/need it as often. He feels comfortable having sex once a week (or less). I'm okay with having less sex than I need as long as there's a way to make up for it with intimacy. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, he's the only person I can have physical contact with and it's just not enough. I try masturbating more often but it doesn't seem to help. I tried discussing it with him, but it feels like I'm walking on eggshells (I'm afraid of pressuring him and only making it worse). Another aspect that's been bothering me it's the quality of our sex life. He's very tradicional when it comes to sex and doesn't enjoy trying new things. On the other hand, I'd love to try new things, such as tantric sex, using toys, roleplaying, BDSM, etc. It's very difficult to reach an agreement and we end up doing the same thing over and over again. It pains me that I'm hardly making love anymore but just satisfying a basic need and using the one I love most in the world to do it. Could do please help me? I don't know how to improve this aspect of our lives and really need some advice. (By the way, none of us is cheating and spliting up is out of the question. I treasure our relationship and the warm, trustfull and happy home we build.)
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