It’s going to be quite long, but I want to make sure I don’t explain it well. Thank you in advance. 🙂
My now boyfriend (28yo) and I (27yo) met on Bumble just as the first lockdown started last year. We chatted all day every day for a few months, then, when he asked to meet I panicked and I we stopped talking for 3-4 months. Eventually he messaged me again and this time, after about six weeks of chatting on WhatsApp etc. we finally met in person and ended up becoming an actual couple a while later.
That was about 5 months ago. Everything is going great, maybe we’re still in the honeymoon stage but so far it’s perfect - I met his family and friends, he met mine. He is incredibly supportive and treats me like every girl want to be treated.
Now to the point... he’s very well educated, has a well paid job and overall is pretty ‘sorted in life’. I really am very happy for him as a few years ago he was in pretty big trouble financially and mentally, so I’m incredibly proud that he has managed to overcome that.
Myself on the other hand, I still don’t have my degree, after failing first year of uni (without going into too much detail, I’ve lost a couple of friends, including one whom I was incredibly close with, within three months from each other, which resulted in depression, leading to messing up uni). Throughout the first lockdown I wasn’t working (I work in hospitality) and was only on furlough but had to help some of my family members and pay for a pretty pricey surgery for my dog, so didn’t manage to save almost anything. Didn’t get in debt or anything but had to be beyond cautious with money. Went back working part time for a little bit (due to lack of hours, not by choice) and then all of a sudden, without any notice, myself and the entire team were told we’re losing our jobs. That was mid Feb, since then I found a job and got my first pay check just a few days ago (all bars and restaurants were closed till end of April and my previous company stopped paying us furlough immediately after telling us we are being made redundant. My brother lost his job three days after me, so the last 4 months or so we’re pretty hard for us (we live together) and we fell behind with bills etc. We both have jobs now and are going to slowly get rid of the overdue bills but it might take us 2-3 more months, where we’ll have to be careful with money.
My boyfriend has never made me feel like I’m less intelligent than him (due to lack of a degree in my age) or he’s better than me because he’s got money yet I can’t help but feel this way. I feel like I’m dragging him down or at least stopping him from progressing - every now and then he brings up that we should go somewhere on holiday this summer, or we could go out to eat and I have to dodge the subject and it’s starting to get awkward. He’s also telling me about his job and jobs of his siblings and parents (doctors and vets) and yet in my family I’ll (hopefully) be the first one to have a degree and a decent career.
I also feel like he might start to think that I’m materialistic or like his ex girlfriend solely focused on his money (she left him in a pretty bad debt) - I insist on everything being 50/50 until I get out of debt and will be able to treat him to a fancy dinner or something every now and then myself), because I talk about money all the time since I started my debt. He also mentioned buying a house in a few years time and I won’t start my dream career till at least three years from now, then will be able to start saving proper money. I feel like I’m stopping him from progressing in life.
I’m miserable all the time as I’m not used to getting letters and phone calls from various companies all the time re overdue bills or owe money to any of my friends/family, which also spiked my anxiety quite badly.
I’m embarrassed to admit all that to him - I sort of casually mentioned parts of it but never actually sat him down and told him straight. What should I do? I feel like it’s not fair on him not to being able to progress now that he has beaten his mental and financial struggles.
thank you in advance. 🙂