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Jim Perry

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  1. First off I’m trying to make sense of it all. Secondly, I’ve never once harassed her in any way. She was the one that initiated contact with me after I saw her in the park. She’s the one who text me daily and we did things together. Just hours before making her grand statement she was making all over me. For one thing I don’t harass people . If they don’t want to be around me. I don’t even bother them. For someone to tell you they love you and are all over you and then hours later act like you’re the plague and make a grand statement not to contact them that they will get a restraining order if you contact them is crazy and I’m at a loss as to what ever I did that brought this behavior on. I know it’s her, it’s not me but I’m trying to understand why. A rational person tries to understand why. How does one flip like that when just hours before, they’re telling you they see a future with you but they have to go slow. I already know there’s something under the surface from a previous marriage or relationships but she’s only shared bits and pieces of it.
  2. I am new here so I didn’t know really how this worked. Ready all the comments has brought things kind of in perspective but still it hurts so bad to be rejected when you have so much. She did give me anxiety at times wondering if she was going to cancel things that were her idea. It was like she loved me but was scared to death. I’m still struggling with how cold hearted she was and how did something as simple as a belly ring completely turn her love to complete disgust or disdain toward me. In three hours time she went from making over me to making a comment that this is a sign and she just wanted to get it taken out, go home, and we were done. Her exact words. No rational talk, no nothing. Just poof. No explanation. Go from being intimate with me to this. I’m too old for games and I cannot read minds. It was her idea for the ring. I just offered to get it and she accepted. But to threaten me if I contact her or her family that I haven’t even met, with a restraining order. That’s extreme. I’m one of the most loving and soft spoken people in the world. I’m told that all the time. I also analyze things way too much and it eats at me. She spoke of a future with me. I believed here. She would keep telling me that I changed her life. She would keep telling me she was going to invite to meet her parents but then something always came up. Over and over. It was like she was so scared.
  3. Umm, what do you mean when you ask where I am?
  4. I need some perspectives from others as I’m completely confused and broken hearted. A little background, I am 51 and she is 48. We both met a year ago. We had so much in common and she took to me, we would text, talk, and spend time together. I’m divorced for 10 years. She said she was divorced for 5 years. She’s never had kids. My kid is in high school so I don’t see him much because he’s always busy with friends and being the typical teenager chooses friends over dad. About 3 months into a blossoming relationship I sent her a meme in a text that she misinterpreted and she blocked me so I sent her a long letter and flowers and she contacted me and apologized for overreacting saying she had been mistreated in her previous relationship, but she didn’t talk about it and I left it to her to bring up if she wanted to talk. She made plans to take me on a trip for my birthday, her idea. When the trio was a week away, she sent me a text and asked that I don’t contact her and that it had nothing to do with me and that she had started therapy for things from her past and that if she ever came to a point that she was ready for a relationship, she would contact me. Of course I was blown away and heartbroken as I was trying to make sense of it all. Two months went by and every day I would go to the park and walk where we always walked in hopes I would run into her. Then it happened one day, I ran into her and she asked me to join her on her walk and we talked light heartedly and then she left. A few days went by and she sent me a message and asked if I’d like to meet and talk about things. We met and she said she was going through things that didn’t involve me and she didn’t want to burden me with them. I asked her straight up why she disappeared and she said she ran because she got scared because she had been tremendously hurt in previous relationship. We began talking and texting again. She would often cancel plans we made to meet stating she had to work or take care of her ill elderly parents. She has a business and her parents depend on her a lot. She would keep telling me she was going to have me over to meet her parents but never did. She would say they’re afraid because of Covid. She would make plans to have me over to her place for dinner and the. Cancel because she would either have an order to fill for her business, take care of her parents or got sick. She has irritable bowel syndrome she says. Over the course of a year she would often tell me I was the kindest, sweetest man she ever met. She was constantly giving me complements. She would say no man has ever treated her the way I do. In a years time, we always met at my place, or in public but never at her place even though I know where she lives. We also always did things on her time when she was available. Yes, I know, I always made myself available when she could. When we were together, the passion and sparks were like none I’d ever had before. There was definitely attraction and passion between the two of us. She suffers from anxiety and I know that as when we have been in large crowds I could sense it plus she has told me she has issues with anxiety. We were in a restaurant having dinner and one evening and we both planned a weekend getaway. When the time got close to the trip, I got anxiety thinking she might cancel; but to my surprise she didn’t cancel. We left for our trip and she said it was the first time she’d taken a trip with any man in 3 years and was nervous. Of course I comforted her. We go on our trip and everything is going perfect. There’s so much passion between us and we get along great as we have a lot in common. We are setting in the living room of our cabin and she opens up about her ex husband and begins to cry and let’s me know that she had been married for 20 years and her ex come out to her as gay and that it killed her self esteem. I just comforted and told her I loved her. I made no reservation the last two months of our relationship to let her know my intentions and told her often that I loved her. A few occasions she said it back to me. We were on our trip and I asked her if she could spend the rest of her life with me and she said yes but I had to take things slow. I told her no worries and that we could take as long as she needed. We were at lunch while on our trip and she mentioned she had always wanted a belly ring so I said if she wanted it, I would pay for it. She said she would have to get a stiff drink and think about it. So she got a drink and then decided she would get it. We went and got the belly ring for her. She seemed nervous and I asked if she was sure about getting it and she said yes. She got the belly ring and for hours she went on how painful it was. I began to fell guilty because I was the one who offered and paid for it. We went shopping and the pain from it seemed to get better for her and after shopping, we went back to the cabin. Everything seemed fine and there was passion between us but the. She said the belly ring was hurting and that she was going to go in the living room and set up. At one point she asked me to please take the ring out and then decide she didn’t want me to. The cabin had two bedrooms in it and she said she was going to go into the other room and lay down because she was afraid I’d touch her stomach or she would roll over on the ring. She kissed me and then went into the other room to lay down. I was felling stressed because I was worried about her but at some point I dozed off and then was woken by her two hours later asking me to take her to hospital to have the belly ring taken out. I offered to try and take it out but she said no. I took her to the hospital to have it removed. After we checked in and sat down, I reached o we to rub her back and she said very hateful to me not to touch her. She said this was a sign, all she wanted to do was get the ring out, go home and then we are over. At this point my heart was in my throat and I was trying to process what was happening. We did not have any disagreement or argument or anything. I didn’t sleep all night when we left the hospital and had a five hour drive home. The next morning we left for home. I loaded her bags, opened her car door for her to get in and we were off. She was very quiet but I could sense her tension of me and I had no idea why. At some point driving down the road, I burst into tears and in a calm voice I said I loved her dearly, I was dairy for whatever I did or failed to do but it wasn’t fair to me not to know what I did or didn’t do that upset her. She turned toward me with no emotion and said life’s not fair sometimes. A short while later driving down the road I asked her to please talk to me and she said if I kept asking she was going to call 911. Keep in mind I’m driving and have had no sleep and trying to figure out what is happening. So I kept quiet for 5 hours and simply drive us home. When we got home, I began loading her bags into her car and I had bought her some things while we were gone. She took those out of her car and said she didn’t want them and I said they were hers that she had asked for them. She again said she didn’t want them. She was getting in her car and I asked her calmly didn’t she think she owed me an explanation? She turned to me and said I was not getting an explanation and if I contacted her, she would get a restraining order. I was devistated. An hour later she sends me a text in all caps telling me not to contact her, her family, her friends, not to look for her in the park and if she hears anything from me, she will get a restraining order. At that point I’m all broken hearted and tore to pieces because I have no idea what brought this on. It’s been two weeks since this happened and I’m confused, depressed and all sorts because I don’t know what happened. Keep in mind I have never once met her family or any of her friends in a years time. I haven’t even been to her place. I don’t know what prompted this action from her as just 24 hours befor it all happened she was seemingly into me. Any comments or insight would greatly be appreciated.
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