My husband (32M) and I (29F) dated long distance for 2 years, and finally got married this past September during COVID. He is an Alberta native, and I a Virginia native. I know I love my husband, because there are things I do and sacrifices I’ve made that I wouldn’t do for anyone else! He makes me feel loved, sexy, and very comfortable. But... I have some reservations.
Within the past 8 months, I’ve moved from America to western Canada to be with my husband. He works in the oil sands, where his work schedule requires him to be away from me every other week for a whole week. So I technically see him every other week. The week that I’m home, I’m miserable and super depressed. As a natural extrovert, trying to assimilate into a new country during COVID has been hell. I know no one here and we’ve pretty much been on lockdown since I’ve been here. But despite this hardship, I try my best to keep busy & use that time to do things to make my husband’s life easier for when he returns. While he’s away, we speak on the phone maybe about 20 min a day, often in silence. I try to initiate conversation and talk about things, but he’s often times too tired to engage.
When he returns for a week, he often times spends about ~two days to recover from work. Knowing this, I try not to nag or bother and just let him relax. The remaining five days are weird. We spend a lotttt of time with his parents, maybe 3 of the 7 days he’s in town. We also spend a good amount of time with his friends, where he claims it’s for me & to try to give me a sense of normalcy. We rarelyyyy have intellectual and stimulating conversations. He’s a slightly obese and has expressed a serious interest in losing weight, but doesn’t seem to want to eat healthy or workout. He doesn’t seem to know much about anything, so I don’t feel challenged or feel like he’s “teaching” me anything. I tend to usually remind him of things regarding his own stuff, or his parents’ stuff— and sometimes even do both parties’ stuff for them (i.e. filling out paperwork, making accounts on various platforms, etc.)When I try to talk to him about just random things, like you do with your friends, he tends to not seem interested and often times has an ADD moment & interrupts me to change the subject. Sometimes I almost feel like a part-time mother, and not a full-time lover/friend/wife.
I know most of you are probably wondering if I’ve ever brought up any of this to him, and for the most part, I feel like I’ve expressed most of the concerns mentioned. But when telling him how I feel, I can see his face changing and he instantly becomes devastated. He gets sad that “he can never do right by me”, and then I am full of regret and want to take back the moment I even opened my mouth.
I don’t know, I feel like my thoughts are all over the place. It hurts cause I love him so much, but I almost don’t feel satisfied with my marriage and I’m a newlywed! How is it that someone SO NICE, SO CARING, SO LOVING can make me feel unhappy? Has anyone experienced anything similar, or feel like they have a piece of advice they can share with me? I cannot imagine my life without him, but I can see myself slowly deteriorating. I cry about this regularly and in secret, but I just don’t know what to do anymore.