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The_Wanderer0906

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  1. Thank you. I have also discussed this with professional counseling. It is very clear to me now if this aspect of the relationship cannot be improved, then the relationship needs to end.
  2. I was in a situation that was very similar to this one, in your role. Four years, felt suffocated, time didn't feel special, physical intimacy collapsed, and then needed to step back. When we were apart, even though I was the instigator just like you, I also felt afraid and deeply upset. We met for a discussion once, when she indicated that she now felt that the relationship was over. When she said that I felt like you do now. Although my girlfriend and I are working on your relationship again, it's still not fixed. The whole thing is awful. I feel for you. I'd be happy to discuss more anytime. At this point, it sounds like you need to wait a bit because the ball is in his court. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do.
  3. I have been struggling with this and trying to reflect. I do love her and there are many wonderful things and times that we share. I'm attached to our life together, that we've built over a long time. I also feel responsible for her - just after we met, she was in a very serious accident, and I did a lot to take care of her. When we broke up she was completely devastated. I am afraid of going back, mentally and emotionally, to that place.
  4. Hard to read, but I very much agree that it was wrong. That's why I feel so ashamed now. I would hope that my character is not defined by this mistake. Thank you both for the advice. It felt great to explain and hear other's thoughts.
  5. This forum was incredibly helpful to me in college, and I'm hoping it can help give me some clarity now. I currently live with my girlfriend of 4.5 years, for whom I have a lot of love, routine comforts, and wonderful memories. We've had a variety of issues regarding communication, behavior, and, above all, sexual chemistry. For a long time now I've struggled with my attraction to her and desire for physical intimacy. Last year, I'd already decided that the relationship wasn't functioning properly and it was time to move on when a long-time friend and colleague expressed romantic interest in me. After my girlfriend and I broke up, I went on two dates with this woman. We had an electric connection in every way and everything that I'd been missing physically in my relationship was present with this new woman. My only real issue was that she had two children, and I wasn't sure that this was going to work out for me. At the same time, I'd become more and more unsure of my decision to break up with my girlfriend, and it was causing me a lot of deep grief. When it became clear my girlfriend was going to leave our state and I would never see her again, I was terrified of this happening and wanted to stop it. We decided to try to fix the relationship, I moved back in, and we began couple's therapy over seven months ago. There have been times I feel like we've made a lot of progress. However, I have also struggled with a very powerful and almost daily attraction to the new woman. I'm not proud of it, but I continued texting her for many months after I decided to try and make it work with my girlfriend. At this point, I am no longer speaking to her, but there is still a part of me that contemplates breaking up with my girlfriend for good and reaching out to this woman. Unfortunately, I still have not been able to fix my physical chemistry with my girlfriend. I've always considered myself a moral person and one who tries hard to do the right thing. But now I'm feeling guilty for all of this, plus extremely confused and unhappy. I don't trust my feelings and my decision-making process anymore. I'm not sure if I only want to be with my girlfriend because of friendship, comfort, and desire not to hurt her. I would appreciate any thoughts.
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