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  1. I think you know you need to break up with him. It is so hard to do it but you really, really need to. 3 years feels like a long time to have invested in someone just to say goodbye now. But think of it this way: thank yourself it was only 3 years, and won't be anymore. Steer yourself, free yourself from him ❤️
  2. I'm glad you have communicated boundaries. Avoiding a person and the issue will usually lead to increased misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Not to say I haven't done that myself, of course. Just that I don't think it's a good way to handle things, and having also been on the other end of the situation (the one being avoided, me not knowing why or if I'm being paranoid) I can see how perspectives can become more and more estranged, leading to something like this. I think she was probably being genuine about meeting up outside (as in I expect she thought that was considerate), but this
  3. It's normal to feel this way, and as others have mentioned, it's not as cut and dry as 'jealous'. This advice is so generic, but it's also very true: focus on you. If you are getting prof help, that's great - keep going, keep processing and healing, and seek out ways to reprogramme the line of thinking that gets you to this painful feeling of injustice. It's not fair that you have to heal, and that what he has done has had such a huge impact on you, and that he now has what you wanted in life while you are still recovering. I wonder though, if his situation is what HE wants. As others ha
  4. I've been in this situation before, and really wish I'd handled it differently. The advice below is what I wish I had done! Find/build a script in your head of ways to respond (writing down and practicing would help me!) with a structure of something like validation of friendship + boundary + positive affirmation of what you would like/are willing to do instead Don't know if that helps, but hope it does!
  5. I just wanted to say that this advice has really been helping me over the last couple of days. What I've taken from it is the visual of a frame - actually visualising that frame and placing it over any errant thoughts, and the emotions that threaten to stir behind them. It's really helping. Thank you!
  6. Well done for getting things moving. I think it is interesting how you mentioned that while he was onboard with the idea of children, and prepared for the idea of early pregnancy, the reality was a shock. That sounds very much like what's happening here, with his suggestion of a divorce. I think you are both probably traumatised. Having time away from each other to reflect and come back to yourselves sounds very necessary, and I'm glad you are able to go to Japan where you previously stated you'd be more comfortable than with toxic relations in Australia. And don't take too much no
  7. You're not crazy. Don't doubt yourself. Write a list of 'facts' about what he has done/what's happened, and every time you start to feel unsure or you start to waiver, look at the list. You must be feeling so betrayed. And you've lost the person you thought he was. It's a lot to deal with, especially, as you say, when you don't have the social support you'd usually have. I'm sorry you have to go through this! It's time to protect yourself and your heart and no matter how hard it is, it's time for him to go
  8. This is a very clear and relatable way of putting it. Thank you!
  9. Oh I see, yes that makes sense and I agree. That's certainly my philosophy and what I'm aiming/seeking to do.
  10. Sorry might just be me not following the sentence structure but I am not sure what this means? Am interested though!
  11. I think you should view it like this: You glanced over at a diary and saw a few words. You quickly looked away out of respect for your daughter's privacy. You don't know what those words might mean or the context of them. So park them, in your mind. There's nothing for you to do with them at the moment except continue to love and support your daughter, and look out for her, which you clearly do. She's finding her own way through a tricky teenage time in a world that is hyper-focused on gender and sexuality at the moment. Let her do her thing, and just be there for her. Good luc
  12. Thanks for your comment. Yep, yep, agree with all this. Making the decision is/was hard, but not as hard as practicing the decision, day in, day out, during a pandemic when structural, empirical change in my life cannot occur. I made the decision but every now and then, I am confronted by something that sets me back. This is usually the idea that while I have so much work to do, he's had such a destructive effect on so many people, including me, with absolutely no consequence. I think that's a pretty normal feeling of frustration for anyone to have, and doesn't mean I want to be or consider my
  13. I was wondering about if there is an element of addiction too. It's odd also that he gave you his phone to 'prove' he wasn't lying, when he was. There's something psychological going on there, and as has already been said, it's probably just the tip of the iceberg. Some people might not be fussed about a partner fantasising about a single life on a dating site, but I would hope that those who are unfussed would be given a choice about the matter, and would know about it. Your reaction tells you that this activity is NOT ok with you, and so you don't need to talk yourself roun
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