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  1. Oh and also, rebound relationships can last for years. One of my exes had a rebound that lasted over a year and after talking to the girl it was most definitely a rebound, lol. Their relationship length don't mean nothin'
  2. In many of my past breakups, I have always had this problem. My exes would move on days or even hours after the breakup and I would feel devastated. You see, I would feel loyal to my exes even after the breakup, and I thought it was a relationship-code thing for exes to not move on like right after the break up. I think that the feeling of still being "loyal" and having strong feelings to your partner is a sign that you really still feel like you want to be with him. But guess what? You don't want to be with him. If you broke up with him, there's that reason. And if you didn't, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. So, I would accept the fact that you don't want to be with this guy. With or without him moving on so fast. Also, him moving on fast says nothing about your past relationship with him. This is just how people who can't deal with a breakup by themselves do. Every "rebound girl" from my breakups have later told me that my ex was annoying because all he would do is talk about me to them. Trust me, he is probably dumping his actual feelings about the relationship to this girl and is not treating her very well. I would feel sorry for this new girl who is being duped into thinking someone wants an actual relationship with them. Anyways, prepare yourself for the potential situation when this happens in the future. You don't want to get all down in the dumps for this same reason again! I have experienced this so much that I am just mentally prepared to have the guy I date move on within seconds of our breakup. Even if it doesn't happen, I am PREPARED! Cheer up, girl. Don't feel worthless because of some guy that you don't want to be with anyways! Make new friends and go to the gym and glow up for yourself!!! Maybe you will find someone in the process and you won't have to make a rebound guy feel like trash by using them for emotional support like your ex, lol.
  3. Thank you for the advice. I don't think I have been focusing on the bigger picture. Part of me thinks that BF does not "get" some conventional social things that I think most people do in relationships. Like, I feel that his behavior might have been because he simply just didn't know what is right and wrong in a relationship. The problems that I have talked about in the post aren't actively being made right now. So, looking at everything, maybe I just had to teach him what I personally wanted in a relationship, but after that he adheres to the boundaries that we have set. Nevertheless, the anxiety is still there...
  4. Yes, I definitely feel really bad about going through his phone so far back. I've thankfully stopped that, and I cringe thinking about how I went through old messages seeking validation. From reading the comments, I think I do have serious jealousy and insecurity issues. I have a therapist and we've been working on that since I told her about the situation a few months ago... but I think you have a point in that maybe it would be better for me to work on those issues outside of a relationship. I have stopped looking through old messages, and BF has stopped the comparisons and shady relationships with other women. Do you think, since this has happened, that it the relationship is on an upward track and is able to be mended?
  5. Oh, I didn’t realize how confusing that sounded. So both me and BF have our own places. I have a place at school in Virginia, and BF has his place in Maryland. Since our jobs went online, I started staying at his place for a while. The thing is, BF does not like the town he is in right now and is planning on moving to his parents town in Maryland when the job market opens up. Since he likes it in his parents town, we are staying at his parents place indefinitely until our jobs become in person again. And I agree, I think I am feeling very overwhelmed about how much it is in such a short amount of time.
  6. The relationship definitely went south because of both of us. I definitely contributed by snooping through his phone!! And I agree, I am definitely very jealous and insecure. I think it’s because I still am working on not needing constant validation from others to feel good about myself. I do agree that it’s ironic that there is a lot of talk about marriage when his actions are questionable. I am curious, I think I’m blinded by the situation but how does having his exes clothes lying around make him not committed? Answering your Florida question, basically if I move to Florida in May we’re going to break up because BF has a very stable job as a professor there and the job market is closed up because of corona. I feel like I have to make the decision fast because of this :((
  7. Thank you so much for replying! He does seem very serious about proposing in August but I guess he hasn’t done anything to prepare for it (like spending time with my family, buying a ring, etc). I am also currently staying with him at his parents place because of Corona making both of our jobs online. So I think he does have the convenience of having me around. I think I have been mistakenly thinking of my wanting to be where he is as something that makes me a better girlfriend... like, my greatest asset or something. That’s not right. With taking things slow, I don’t know if slow can even be an option... I have to move out of my apartment in May and I have to find a job before that too... it’s a big commitment to him on my end if I decide to do that in his town. What can I do to tap the brakes on this relationship?
  8. I agree that he really wants to get married... it’s definitely weird that he talks about marriage so much. I think his family has a history of getting engaged within months so maybe he feels like he has to do the same? Sometimes I feel like he’s with me just because I was the one who finally agreed to be with him... I think this “rush” feeling is caused by my current job situation. I’m almost done grad school and I feel like I’m at a crossroads where I could move to Maryland to be with him, or move to Florida since I originally wanted to live near the beach. I feel like I have to make this decision soon and it’s really tough.
  9. My boyfriend (BF) (31) and I (23) have been in a relationship for 7 months and things are starting to get semi serious! I am debating moving in with him and getting a job in his town after grad school ends in May. He also wants to propose in August! This is a huge step for me, and I am getting a bit nervous about this because we had a very rocky start and I still get anxious about the things that happened in the beginning of our relationship. First, I want to mention the things that I love about him. I love his commitment to me. He has consistently been mentioning marriage to me and I haven't seen this in any the guys I have dated before me. His parents are also wonderful and I freaking love them. I also have full access to his phone (this is also a con lol) and for sure, he does not currently text anyone from his past or have weird things. We had such a rocky start in the beginning of our relationship that was both of our faults which center around his past. Here is some information about them because there are a lot of people in this story and I think it will get confusing: Exes: - G4 is a high school teacher who BF dated for half a year but broke up because she wasn't really interested in him. He started dating me about six months after their breakup. - G3 is a girl he dated for about a year starting in 2017. This was a long distance relationship. He was basically one step away from proposing to her right before they broke up. Apparently he texted and met up with G1 during his relationship with her as well. - G2 is a girl he dated in grad school. Apparently he really really liked her but then she left and went to a different grad school. -G1 was his first girlfriend and they've been friends for a while before that. Crushes: - FZ is a "friend" who basically friend zoned him but sort of lead him on all through grad school, and he openly admitted to having a crush on. Apparently everyone in his cohort said he was in love with her, and his friends refer to her as his "baggage." He basically lived with her all throughout grad school and did relationship-like things with her. She was also his "pseudo-girlfriend" when she was on breaks between boyfriends and basically kept him around so he could help her on homework. She got married to another guy, FZH, and she would call BF to take her side whenever they were having marital issues. She was basically his "female best friend" but it was pretty sketchy. -L is a girl that BF works with. BF and L got into a conversation about wanting to be friends with benefits earlier last year, but nothing ever came of it. -A is another girl that makes me feel weird about BF. BF went to college with A but nothing ever happened. She moved away and got a boyfriend who nobody really likes. However, there were multiple messages on BFs phone (before we started dating) to other people saying how he wished he had dated her, how lucky the man who is going to marry her is going to be, how he felt obligated not to support her in a relationship, etc. Briefly mentioned: - DS: BF matched with her on a dating app before I got together with him. - DM is a girl he was flirting with literally hours before we decided to become girlfriend and boyfriend. My situation: So the first relationship problem started with FZ. BF would always bring this girl up in pretty much every conversation we had. I was getting annoyed with it because it sounded like he was reminiscing on weird things that they did together. One example is he talked about the time when he picked a fight with a guy at a bar because he offended her. Another time he told me about the time he fell asleep on the couch with her and they woke up holding hands. And then he told me about her crazy ex and how he took her in when she finally got the nerve to break up with him. These stories would be told to me multiple times. I even started playing a game with myself to see how soon he would bring her up in a conversation. FZ then started to say weird things about our relationship. She called our relationship stupid, and when BF confronted her about it, she said that she was "neutral" to us being together and that she didn't have time yet to make up her mind if I was good enough for BF. She never said that she was happy for BF. Then, she started commenting and basically staking her ground on every social media post that BF made. It got even weirder when she started messaging me little things that she knew about him that I didn't know yet. I got upset about FZ and basically told BF that (1) I didn't want to hear about her in conversation again and (2) if he was going to be friends with her then he had to either get her to apologize/stop being disrespectful or just stop being friends with her altogether. BF agreed that she was being rude and not acting like a friend at all, and he blocked her everywhere and doesn't speak to her anymore. He didn't really confront her about it but she is out of the picture so I feel fine about it now. The next thing that happened was L. I noticed that he was texting L a lot, and he basically told me about how they discussed being friends with benefits in the past. I was uncomfortable and set the boundary that I didn't want them to hang out one on one and that they should text during the day. That went well until, whenever BF would talk about me, she would just completely ignore the comment and not reply until BF sent something with a different subject. I think that was a bit disrespectful to our relationship, and I told him that basically I wan't really comfortable with him talking to her at all given their history. At first he wasn't okay with the boundary, saying "I only talk to her because of work." (Not true since their texts are completely non work related) We decided to agree that they only communicate professionally through email, and that is working fine for both of us. I am very happy about BF respecting those boundaries with FZ and L. The next issue was that I started finding random things of G3s old stuff in his house. I guess BF was not very proactive about getting rid of her old stuff, but it hurt seeing her clothes, old receipts of him buying her stuff, her old bible, etc. I told him I was uncomfortable with it, but I guess it kept slipping his mind. After reminding him to get rid of her stuff multiple times, this turned into me yelling at him and he finally threw out the stuff. A similar issue that followed from this is that he had a bunch of pictures on social media from exes that made me uncomfortable and that we agreed on him deleting, but then I felt like I had to nag him after that to actually go through with it. Another issue then came. I basically started noticing that he was sort of comparing me to his exes in passing. For example, he would tell me "you actually want to hang out with me, not like G4." Or he would say "we actually communicate. G2 was a communications major and she couldn't even communicate." Or he would say that he never thought about marriage until I came along (which ended up being untrue when I found out about him almost proposing to G3). He told me about DS and told me "I turned down a lawyer for you!!" He also would just mention his exes randomly when he talked a lot and that would get me upset. I was getting so much information, like about how he "messed around" with a girl on the bus in high school and how he had sex on the floor with an ex in her room so her parents wouldn't hear. I heard all about these girls, like how one was Catholic and he was prepared to have six kids with her and he basically told me he took one of his exes virginity. Again,I told him that I was uncomfortable with that, and now he is doing a pretty good job of keeping that under control. I think at this point I felt very overwhelmed because I had never seen so many issues with other girls pop up in my past relationships. BF did tell me that I could go through his phone any time, so I took that really REALLY far and snooped through all his messages from like, the past three years. This snooping happened multiple times and I told him every time I snooped. This is obviously wrong for me to do, and I got a bunch of information that I think I shouldn't know. I learned from the messages about DS and A. I also saw old messages he had with all of his girlfriends and it basically pieced together all the information that I had about them from his stories about them. I learned that BF had hardly any conflict with them and even TMI information like that he had unprotected sex with one of them (which doesn't really bother me, it just reminds me of a very detailed conversation he had saying that he wanted to do that with me where he described exactly what would happen and now my brain is like, wow, does he know from experience or??). I also learned that two months before we started dating, he messaged all of his exes trying to spark a conversation. So basically, every time I told him about snooping through his phone, I would get upset about the little things that I learned and this would upset him. I basically was getting so insecure whenever I read the messages that I craved his validation and I would interrogate him about his past in hopes that he told me something negative about his exes. The thing is, all his girls are very similar in looks and personality, and I don't fit that standard at all, so it was making me insecure since I was comparing myself to them. I eventually realized that what I was doing was wrong, and the interrogating has stopped on my end. So now, things have leveled out, but I still can't help feeling anxious all the time. My brain comes up with scenarios (like A breaking up with her boyfriend and moving to his town, then him creating an emotional connection with her and then emotionally cheating on me, or that we will do something that he did with an ex and it won't be as good) that make me feel like I'm going crazy. I have so much anxiety about things that I fear will happen in the future that its blinding my own judgement on whether I trust him or not. BF would never cheat on me but I fear that he does not process his past relationships and drags it into our relationship. I fear that he is not over his exes and that he is comparing me to them in his head. Now that it is coming closer to the point where I may be moving in with him, I am scared. Part of me feels that without him around, I would rather move to Florida and start a job in warmer weather. I am afraid that we won't work out and that I will be stuck in his town in Maryland for a few years before I can make another move. Am I suffering from retroactive jealousy? Am I suffering from really bad anxiety? Should I be with him if I don't fully trust him right now? Am I doing anything on my end to add to this feeling/ our problems? I feel so confused and would definitely like a third party opinion.
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