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catscoffee

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  1. Hello, I've had two close online writing buddies in the very small fandom I have belonged to since 2017. The first one really brought me down in a lot of ways, and randomly stopped talking to me a while back for no reason, and so I suppose good riddance I guess as she was constantly trash-talking others and it wasn't sustainable. The second friend I made recently is fantastic; we have SO much in common and really enjoyed talking to each other about fic and writing etc, but now she is ghosting me and not really engaging anymore. Leaves me hanging after I message her. I am not pushy at all and won't message her again unless she messages me first, but I just can't help but feel really sad now about it, and can barely get up the motivation to write this week. This keeps happening to me where I make these awesome fellow-writer friends, and then they always end up ghosting me, even after an amazing connection is made between us. It was so nice, having someone to talk to about our WIPs and comments and the struggles of writing. I was always so encouraging to her, and she encouraged me right back. We would tell each other our word counts and motivate each other, things like that. I thought it was great, and now that she has stopped messaging me, I feel kind of empty. If this friendship really does end up dying like my first one, I don't think I will have it in me to make any more fandom friends. It hurts to go from talking to them about writing and our fandom all the time, and really having a connection, to nothing. Getting treated as though my feelings do not matter really hurts. Writing is such a solo activity and I really enjoyed having someone to talk to about the joys and pitfalls that go along with this (sometimes stressful) hobby, but I don't think I can handle this again. It hurts too much. I don't have anyone IRL who writes or is into fanfic, and so I suppose I will end up crawling back into my shell and live for the rest of my fandom life as a hermit whose only presence is the occasional AO3 update. I don't want it to be this way, I liked having someone to talk to who really understands, but I cannot deal with this again. Anyone have any advice? I don't even feel like writing now. I'm sure I'll get back to it in a few days, but right now all I can think about is this feeling of being rejected, and also the fact that I no longer have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I don't think I said anything "wrong" to her and always made sure to compliment her work, so I am not sure why this keeps happening to me. Anyone go through something similar? How do these people go from excitedly chatting all the time about writing and each others work to nothing? Like it never even meant anything? We talked a lot about our lives, too, and I thought we were really connecting. :( I just feel really rejected and my anxiety is through the roof wondering what it is I have done wrong.
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