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raquellexxx

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  1. Hello. I am a 26-year-old girl who feels completely alone, devastated, exhausted, and unwilling to fight anymore. Please, don't judge or insult me as this is the last thing I need since I try my best fight and heal my invisible wounds. I am a believer who lives neither in America, nor in England, nor in a country where there are Protestant churches. It's no secret where I live, but I just prefer not to go into such details. However, thanks to the Internet, I started following profiles of Christians in social media - people who inspire me with wisdom and their life. Unfortunately, due to many reasons and obstacles in my life, I will never be able to live abroad and experience such type of life. And this weighs on me too. However, the reason I turned to you for valuable advice, even though I go to therapy, is because I always believed that you are a great source of support, lack of judgment, and a shoulder to lean on. I know that no one has a perfect life and everyone has problems. But I feel like my problems are endless and I will never be truly happy. I had many problems with my appearance, health, and life in the past that I managed to overcome by myself. BUT my biggest problem that terrifies me is that I am 26 years old and I will never find the right person and true love. Boys always preferred someone else instead of me and they almost never been interested in me, although my friends say that I have a great character and I am beautiful. All my friends already have long and happy relationships, and so far, I've only had one. While looking in the profiles of Christians in social media, I often see how they define themselves ''blessed and happy people without big problems, to whom God often sends miracles'' They find the love of their lives in a unique way in their early 20s. They build big and happy religious families, which we often see in beautiful photo sessions. They have many amazing and loyal friends. And although I know comparison is bad, I can't help but take a look at my life. I am 26 years old and so far, I have only had one relationship. There is no prospect of meeting the right person anymore, because the places where people meet their loved ones, are impossible for me. I graduated from college, there are no men in my work, and I have 2 girlfriends who also don't go out in big companies. I don't think I've done anything so bad in my life, nor am I a bad person, and I really don't know why nothing good happens in my life. I also pray to meet the love of my life, to have a strong and happy family, but unlike believers in social media, miracles don't happen to me. On the contrary - I'm alone and I don't think I ever have a chance to meet the right person. My parents are not interested in me, my dreams are shattered ... All these years, I have struggled with my problems and unhappiness all by myself, but now it really becomes too difficult and I can't stand it, I don't find meaning in life.... I even start thinking that I'm cursed or born to be alone and unhappy, while so many people around the world, especially my age ALREADY have wonderful families and a happy life full of miracles. Please, from the bottom of my heart, I go to therapy, but I would love for you to give me a piece of advice or just an opinion, because I really feel shattered, exhausted, and I can't anymore ...
  2. I don't know why I feel so sad, lonely and awful after this.. missing him like crazy...even though I know his words were more than his actions, that he put me after games and stuff, didn't respect me, and just wasn't for me, something in me still says "Did I make a mistake? Should I text him to ask him if he still wants me, if he still wants to continue being together with me?" And I know he didn't play with me on 100% and part of the powerful words he was telling me were honest. People and relationship gurus always say that men always come back and even try to FIGHT for you even though they were f****boys. But why he accepted my goodbye words and didn't even put an effort to ask me if this was my final decision or something? Not to mention to fight for us..
  3. Unfortunately, I finally broke up with him and he didn't even try to understand and realize what I told him, not to mention that he didn't even say sorry. He was acting as if in my eyes "he did nothing for me" and that's it.. my last requests for an advice for you are: 1) I know he didn't play with me on 100% and part of the powerful words he was telling me were honest. But most of his actions were showing the opposite. What do you thing was it from his side? Emotional inmature, lack of feeling to put his priorities, 50/50 behaviour, not that into me although all the words, or gaming addiction? I know it's over but I want to know what was all about and what was that on his side.. From what I told you in this thread, what's your opinion? 2) Do you think that is normal when a man never reach out after a fight? From what I know from my friends, that's also a bad sign that shows that he doesn't care that much + has a huge ego.. and in normal successful relationships, if you really love your partner, you can't wait to reunite and not be in bad terms anymore. And usually, reaching out should be from both sides, and not always from the one partner (me in our case), even when the opposite partner is wrong?
  4. No and no again. I said in my last message - this country doesn't even need a visa or someone to help you. Even if it did, I would never use someone. The thing was that I was imagining living there with him finally finding the right guy and together, we will live peaceful, calm life full of love...
  5. You guys, I can't describe how thankful I am for your answers and pieces of advice on this hard time for me. I have been reading all of them carefully absorbing them. Lastly, I wanna share with you that since that happened, I have been torturing myself why is it SO EXTREMELY difficult for me to leave him even after all these clear red flags and signs... You know what I discovered? 1) Mainly because I have issues in my family, I was craving for love, calmness, peace, and care. And I somehow i thought I found the resquing in him assuming that he was my SHELTER and safe place and therefore, I was ignoring the signs. 2) The other reason for feeling it so hard to leave him is the fact that I've always loved his country (I've never been with him because of that since actually, there was something that I was missing in him that I couldn't find). But with time, I began imagining and assuming that I will go from my life now (hell) to his country with him living happy, loving, peaceful life together (heaven). Please, get me right - it's not about immigration or money since I wouldn't ever use someone for such purpose. I can still go to that country but I thought that I finally found the right guy who will just respect, care, and love me. And that's a perfectly different picture - not just going alone but going there and starting a happy relationship/family with him was like a dream come true to me... Although I discovered the reasons why it's so painful to me, I can't still take it lightly, stop feeling sorry and I want to save myself to get over him easier and get rid of the awful thought that I am having now - "I am leaving the heaven and going back to hell"? Could you please give me an advice? I would be beyond thankful for each sentence!
  6. I never said I wanted ''gifts'' and ''grand gestures''?! But only just a care, attention, and love. Not just a simple verbal ''Happy birthday'' as if we are strangers. I definitely don't think those are unrealistic expectations.
  7. You know how a significant part of birthday joy is your close people cherishing and making you happy, by showing you how important you are to them? My boyfriend has always claimed how much he loves me and how he wanna spend his lifetime with me. We are in a long distance relationship and I have made lots of sacrifices neglecting my pride so far and he still does things even though I have asked him not to. But on my birthday, everything escalated. When my special day came, I didn't expect gifts or material stuff from him (although I have sent him present just without a special event) but at least expected wishes that manifest his love making me special on my special day. In return, while most of the people EVEN STRANGERS wished me tons of things, my boyfriend who ''wants to spend his life with me'' only told me ''Happy birthday'' and absolutely nothing more.. which made me feel awful because he is one of the most important people of my life and at least, I was expecting him to wish me something, say that he loves me and stuff.. and not just ''Happy birthday'' as if we are strangers. And we haven't had any fights or something... I asked him if something is wrong and he said no.. even I have sent him present in the future just out of nothing while now, he only said ''Happy birthday'' and not a single wish, care, and love... When I shared this with him he was so surprised acting like ''2 more words mean nothing'' making me feel as if it's my fault and I'm petty.. and eventually saying things like ''Sorry for not making you happy on your b-day'' but he didn't mean them it was kinda sarcastic as if he was mad AT ME?! And when I told him that I am sad because of what he did, then he just wished me a goodnight and almost hung up... I really can't believe how he made me feel on my day after it was his fault...he ruined my special day plus made me feel petty and needy. Please give me your advice do you think I'm right to feel awful and sad because of what he did? Even if I barely trust men, I trusted him because of all that he has told me about how much he loves me and want to spend his life with me.. I thought he was a good guy respecting me and now it looks like I am not important to him and he doesn't care.. The fact the even though I have had more than 1 conversation just asking him not to do something easy because it's difficult for me to do it he never actually put the effort to even wake up on time to have more time to talk and stuff... while at the same time always saying that he loves me, misses me and stuff... and pretty much, I felt that my sacrifices are way bigger than his... What hurts me the most (even though I know that I shouldn't blindly believe in men's words) is the fact the he seemed a different guy that really care for his girlfriend, not a womanizer (which I hate) and stuff. When I mean dignity, I was talking about neglecting my own feelings and needs after he is not changing his behaviour which hurts me before.. and I keep doing sacrifices just because apart from the actions, he is really kind, gentle to me, says that he loves me, misses me, and even wants us to have a family. AND at the same time, even though I have told him to change something that affects our communication (something actually easy like waking up on time so that I don't force myself to be up late night) he keeps sleeping late making excuses and since I don't feel good to always remind him, I neglect my own sleeping schedule ans stay up late just to talk to him resulting in me being constantly exhausted and emotionally/psysically drained... but apart from these things (which are not something small at all), when we talk, he is kind, we laugh, he compliments me, says that he loves me, wants to be with me for the rest of his life and stuff.. and all those things make me extremely confused, sad and bad.. because i don't know if I'm even right or no anymore.. and what do do.. Should I finally leave him after this situation and then the lack of understanding plus his behaviour because I know that he won't say sorry and even text me again until I do it?
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