I’m coming out of a kind of bizarre situation and need some advice on what to do next.
About 3 weeks ago, my FWB relationship with a colleague of mine ended quite badly. We’ve been colleagues for the better of 3 years now and became somewhat best friends in that period. The 2 of us would go and grab dinner after work on a Friday, we would spend Sunday evenings behind the TV and so on. Somewhat over 6 months ago, we had drinks with other colleagues after work and were both kinda wasted. When I dropped her of at her place, we ended up in bed together. The Friday after, she came to my place, had dinner and ended up in bed again. The week after same story except she asked me this time where I thought this was going because she didn’t want it to become serious. We both agreed to start a FWB relationship with would end if either of us found someone else. During that period, I started to have feelings for her and tried to get her to feel the same way without admitting my feelings. We had more the just a FWB relationship. We would stay over a couple of nights a week, drive to work together, plan things together for the weekend,… I even visited her parents a couple of times ‘as a friend’. After she casually told me she entered herself on a datingsite (while we were planning our trip to Vietnam) I kinda collapsed the day after when coming home from her. I Immedietly drove back to her to admit my feelings for her and ended the FWB relationship. When going back to work next day, I ignored her and saw she was struggling as well. 3 days later we saw each other after work and she admitted that she was missing me and wanted to be with me but she thought she was blocking the feeling of ‘loving’ me. So after a week of work and no contact, decided to reinstate the FWB relationship and give her the space to unblock the feeling of loving me. Of course now a month later and the feeling that she was blocking me more and more. We went from 4 nights a week together to only one every 2 weeks or so. We would still se each other every evening to have dinner together and watch TV during Corona, but she always wanted to sleep alone. She’s someone who needs space, but I was looking for the confirmation of love so kinda put her under pressure the hole time. Offcourse after some weeks, I couldn’t handle it anymore and after very emotional talk decided to end it now because she taught it wasn’t fair to me.
But now 3 weeks later I still can’t handle the thought of us not being together. If she sees me at work she continues to give me mixed signals. She asks me if I wanne come over for dinner one Friday night etc.. On the other hand she admitted to me that last week she’s been on a date with a guy 18 years older than her who she’s been texting for over a month.. I don’t know if I should keep chasing her. I know what I did wrong during the FWB relationship and want to show to her that I can give her all she needs to be happy like space and independence. Don’t know what’s the best action plan to convince her to give me that chance or if it could even work.. Still convinces that good things are worth fighting for but just don’t know how to proceed here
I know for obvious reasons that I should let her go. But I feel from being one of her best friends before the FWB started and she has always been someone who was scared to throw herself into a relationship. She joined a datingsite before I ever came clear about my feelings towards her. And we had our moments when I thought like this could work and like she was confirming her feelings. She always struck me as someone who let’s her brain be more important than her feelings. She wil find reasons with every guy why she won’t be good for him or the guy won’t be good for her. I’m kinda trying now to force her emotional side to take over. After the last break we had 2 weeks of no contact and when she invited me to come to her place to eat together I went there with the intention to just eat and than leave. Wich I did but I saw from here body language that she wanted me to stay for whatever reason… And since then we had regular contact, seen each other at work everyday and such and been acting like nothing happened. Of course since then I haven’t had the feeling anymore that she wanted me to stay. My heart is thinking now that I should ignore her as much as possible again for 2 weeks, which is difficult since we are colleagues and had a pretty close friendship. She’s been acting like nothing happened, even encouraging me to go on dates… I feel like if I can show here that we can’t be friends like before she will realize that she want’s me in her life and let her emotional side take over or get another moment like after those last 2 weeks of no contact to this time act on her feeling of wanting me to stay… But on the other side I don’t want to be an and don’t want to lose the connection we had even as friends. But right now I feel like that is what I need to do to give it one last shot… Just don’t feel ready yet to give up on this and don’t know the best way to give it that one last shot or just get her out of my life completely which would also break my heart (again)…