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dashed2019

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  1. I'm not sure the online conversations rise to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors. You needed an outlet - an emotional connection you weren't getting at home - and the distance of the online trysts likely saved you from acting out in a physical way with someone you might have chosen to hook up with in real life. I do agree that you need counseling to figure out yourself and your own feelings, and reconcile/forgive yourself for emotionally straying. We're all human and when needs are ignored, its the perfect opp for things like this to happen. If your husband doesn't want to change, this will only get worse and you will wind up with a real affair. Hoping he goes to counseling with you....hope this resolves in a way that makes you both happy...hope the new year brings peace with whatever outcome there is. good luck
  2. ThatwasThen: Valid points. I had not thought of some of it that way. He did start this with some overtures that indicated where this was heading and neither of us backed down. Thanks for that perspective, it's helpful.
  3. The only other option I've considered is contacting him after the new year (if he hasn't contacted me first)...we've known each other long enough that I can speak honestly and say "look I'm starting 2020 off on the right foot...not proud of what happened...appreciate you bringing me on the project initially and look forward to the new opportunity...etc etc." I'm guessing the majority of you would think that's a bad idea. I just need some closure, and I don't know how to get that unless I say my peace once and for all. I have a great professional trajectory and this is new territory for me. If I don't contact him (and he doesn't me) then I must take him at face value and do nothing until next summer...but that still doesn't change the fact that I know I made some unwise decisions and I'd like him to hear that from me.
  4. I am already employed in a different city. There is no wasting of time. My life is moving forward either way. And if what you say is indeed the case, so be it. My hope was that I hadn't ruined the chances of working with him again - and based on our last phone call, it felt to me like it was water under the bridge-no harm/no foul. He pursued me as much I as reciprocated. Then it trickled away after the deal fell through and I started working with another company. Natural progression of things. He's doing his life and I'm doing mine. Guess I'll see what happens when I move back next year.
  5. I'm well aware of my overthinking tendencies and all the land mines were placed by me. I wouldn't call this the beginning of a romance, but I do care for him and enjoy being around him...I'm going to be extremely careful as this unfolds.
  6. Blue - appreciate your thoughtful response. He's 14 years older and very successful, I'll leave it at that. I've known him since my 20's when I worked for him then, but I left the company to move away internationally for some time. Over the years, our paths have crossed more than once for different reasons, but it was just this last re-connection where we both realized that something might be there between us...it was kind of serendipitous really, and I hope the job is still mine if I want it. But I think you're right - face value it is, and play it straight.
  7. Mirror - I'm not going into detail, but your characterization of him is a bit off. I do hear your concerns though. And I do have a career right now and would never sleep my way up.
  8. I became somewhat involved (flirting, texting, kissing) with my boss after the project we'd been working on fell through (and my job was essentially over). He felt bad about the deal going dead and said it was his responsibility to offer me a job at his firm when i moved home next summer. After our last meet up, something happened, and he went radio silent. I do know that during this time he had a medical issue and was in the middle of litigation (on the deal that tanked) plus he has an investment company to run...he's on the board of multiple companies, so to say he's busy is an understatement. I got a little freaked out thinking I'd f'd up a perfectly good job opportunity by falling into something I wasn't emotionally prepared for. His texts stopped and so did mine - it was a palpable shift, at least to me. I decided it was time to clear the air so I texted him - he called the next day and sounded as if nothing had happened, very cool and casual, and reiterated the job offer to me again. We talked about a few different things but all very positive, like old friends connecting. What was I worried about I told myself...clearly he isn't thinking about what happened in the same light as I am. My friends say I'm way too in my head on this and all is well. Truth be told, I would be open to having a relationship with him - and find a different job. Did I commit the ultimate sin, as a female in business? Would he even waste his time leading me on if he didn't mean that the job was still mine? I get there are other implications to deal with in a work setting, but I've know him for 25 years, and our paths have crossed more than once...this is the first time anything flirty ever happened. Just sucks that now when I'd like to work with him again, my heart is involved. Do I believe him and take it at face value? Do I lay low and re connect closer to when I move home? I was the one to reach out last...he knows how to reach me, so ball in his court. Last thing I want to do is come of as pining and needy.
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