tarheelfan

Thanks for the support guys, you all have made a huge impact in my life. Everyone that says the world does not care about other ppl are wrong! Just knowing that you care is all I have.

 

Right now I am numb and don't think of her, but I am sure that will wear off and she will be in my thoughts. I don't know...it is hard to remove her from my buddy list and from my phone. So hard...

It sure is man. It sure is.

But hang in there. You sound like a great guy with a wonderful future.

I wish you lots of luck and much peace.

Thanks so much.

I am trying to go into this with a COMPLETELY open mind. I don't want to have ANY expectations in an effort not to have my hopes dashed. Whew.

Well here is the update.

I had that "weak moment" and sent an email saying basically, "Look, Life is too short. I love you and I KNOW I will for the rest of my life".

She wrote back and thanked me... said things were rough and offered to talk it out.

We were on the phone 3 hours last night. She told me about the phone call that started it all... and in all honesty... I would have left me too. There were some HORRID stories told. Difference is... I would have confronted her with the charges.

After the breakup I mailed her key back to her and she said that really angered her.

Long story short... the 3 hour talk was INCREDIBLE. We had more fun just talking. She told me she loved me and we are going to dinner (that's it!) on Friday.

We have a LONG road ahead of us. Not sure where we are right now but I am NOT getting my hopes up. Number one... even IF she wanted me back... it could never be what it WAS because it clearly wasn't working if a phone call broke us up. We have a lot to discuss and decide and I will let you know.

I have decided that I am going to try and remain quiet and let HER talk. I want to know what she is thinking without asking "So, are we back together again?" I am hoping she will make it clear... we are together or we are not. I just don't know yet. But I will say that I found some peace knowing that she missed me and still loves me.

MAN this crap is HARD!

Wow sadcara... thanks. Now I'm confused. But YES you are right. I DID lie... but just did it to avoid a fight. I am CONFUSED NOW! Maybe I'll send that letter.

It helps a LOT. Thank you.

I have written her a long letter... but am holding off on sending that too.

Thank you.

Okay here's the quick rundown. She left me by EMAILING me. I had no idea why. I just found out it's because of a BIG misunderstanding over a phone call with a friend of mine. She had asked me if I had ever dated "Lisa". I said Nope. She has a REAL problem with me being friends with my ex's. Lisa told her on the phone call that we had in fact gone out. In actuality Lisa and I went to dinner twice and that was IT. No sex... nothing. I said I had never dated her to avoid a fight and because TRUTHFULLY Lisa is nothing but a good friend.

So... It's a month with no contact. Should I call and try to make amends? Or should I let it go. She didn't respect me enough to even call and ask me about it so I shouldn't call her.

My fear is that as time goes on I will lose my opportunity. I do NOT want to lose this girl... but... I just don't know what to do.

Hang in there SDguy. I know what you are going through... with the exception of one very polite voicemail over 2 weeks... (I left for HER) I have had ZERO contact with her. It has been the toughest thing I have ever done.

We talked everyday for 2 years... now nothing. We haven't spoken in a month. She has made it clear that SHE wants no contact. I think Michelle is right. When you stop... and yes it is tough... it will inevitably cross her mind that you are no longer interested. By then... you WON'T want her back.

Best of luck... you CAN do it.

OK, let's see what his point of view might be:

 

His business is falling apart, his finances are a mess and he could lose his entire livelihood. His granddad is sick and he has to take the time from his business to get him ready to go to hospital - presumably that is fairly serious. And now he has you mad at him for not calling you often enough and feeling that there is something wrong with the relationship even though he assures there is not.

 

These three things are all causing him stress. Which is the one that he can control the most?

 

He has to try to save his livelihood so he can't avoid that stress.

 

He can't make his grandad better so he can't avoid that stress.

 

He can stop dealing with you and avoid that stress.

AWESOME AWESOME response. Mine went through the SAME thing but it is her Dad who is sick. But now I have CONVINCED myself to send her this very nice letter I have written. Somebody slap me quick or I will put it in the mailbox... HELP ME NOW GUYS!

I'm right there with ya' rainz. SAME situation. It's bizarre. Like I said... 2 different types of people.

Here's to US! We'll find someone more LIKE us next time! Keep the faith.

Hope that didn't sound harsh. I am very sorry if it did.

I'll help as much as I can... but I am in the same boat as you so the advice will likely be MUCH better from others.

It is my humble opinion that there are just 2 different types of people. There are those like you and I who take time to grieve, miss our mates SO much and ache for them to call. We go through a grieving process that allows our bodies to heal and that process is lengthy.

The other type of people (like our ex's) grieve much quicker and GENERALLY do it while we are still together with them. In other words, in their minds, they began to break up with us and let go of us WHILE we were still together.

Maybe someday we'll be able to look back and go "Ya know... I can see where they started to change...". Who knows.

But I do know this. We EXternalize our feelings and get it out and want answers and closure. They INternalize their feelings and deal with it on their own. Get passed it and move on. I can NOT tell you why. Wish I could.

Damn Wimpy. I thought I was the ONLY person on the planet who has ever gotten a "Dear John Email". Crap. It sux doesn't it? We were together 2 years and built our lives around each other. We were even looking for a home. You and I deserve MUCH better than that.

All I can say to help is this (and I am only slightly farther along than you... 21 days). If they didn't have enough respect for us to sit down and say it to our faces? Well... that says A LOT. I have to feel in my heart of hearts that they DO or someday WILL regret it. At least being so cold about it.

I think the above poster is right about them loving us at one time... but somewhere, somehow, it died. If he offered to be friends with you that's great... but it seems a little soon. Friends talking about what's happening in their lives. Friends don't place limits on the conversation. For me at least, I have ZERO desire to hear about anyone "new" in her life. I'm not ready to be just friends. Best of luck, FRIEND!

Just read it gizza. Don't feel bad. I did it over a week ago. Just a nice nice message. Nothing in return... ah... screw her.

I'll look for it gizza. I'm interested in hearing about it.

Royltnxile,

Just my take on it... but if they AREN'T leaving a message, it would seem that they are wanting YOU to call. It's like a power thing. Plus, if they are calling they will likely be in a good place to talk. What if you call back and they are flip or "too busy right now". That would make you feel AWFUL.

I say... if they call and you pick up great. If they don't leave a message... don't call back. I think it makes us look weak "OH Oh I saw where you had called! Did you need me?" Nah... let it go. Right now... YOU are in control if your ex is calling YOU.

You know crashin... I was thinking about the same thing. Only difference with me was that I kept it by my side 24 hours a day WHEN we were together in hopes she'd call.

Now... if I turn it off... I'll have NO WAY of knowing if she called or not unless she leaves a voice mail. I don't think it will record "missed calls" if the phone is off. I may try that!

Okay... I know this sounds SO much like "not a big deal"... but it was a huge revelation for me and I wanted to share.

I am still in that "please, please, please call me" stage. I just wish she would call. I sit at work with my cell phone by my computer and just KNOW she will call me.

Well... today... I left my cellphone in my car and didn't even realize it until after lunch. That's big for me.

So thanks for all of your good advice... it is getting me through little by little. But not even realizing that I wasn't waiting by the phone and didn't know it... well... that was an EXCELLENT moment in my life!

Don't feel like an idiot. You're not. You're obviously someone who cares about someone else and there is nothing idiotic about that.

Should you have done it? Well who knows... most people say no... but no one will beat you up over it.

I did the same thing (but it was a voicemail) over a week ago. Nope. Not a word. Nad. Zilch. Zero. But like I have said before, silence is often the LOUDEST answer you can get.

Don't wory about it.

Anyone turn to music to help you out? I had to make it a POINT to turn away from sad love songs on the radio and find somehting more UPBEAT!

So I thought we could list some of the songs that help get you through the day. All genres. There are no right or wrongs.

I am huge country music fan so here are the songs I crank UP when I am feeling down.

My Give a Damn's Busted -Jo Dee Mesina

Bye Bye-Jo Dee Mesina

Down to My Last Teardrop-Tanya Tucker

Hon... I am right there with you, only it's been over 2 weeks for me. Because I am in YOUR shoes... it will be hard for me to give you advice or answers... but I will be glad to listen.

I can only tell you how I am feeling. You asked if he still loved you. Well, having gone through the EXACT same thing you did... I can only choose to believe that yes, he still loves you. He can't cope with SOMETHING and who knows if you (or I) will ever find out. He clearly needs some space... so give him that. Don't force anything. As hard as it is... give him time to think... and who knows what conclusion he will come to.

When someone does something like this, as hard as it is for people like you and I to understand, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you. The problems may, and probably DO, run much deeper than that.

Best of luck.

Congratulations! You sound incredibly healthy and in a great place in your life!

I wish you much much happiness and love... you deserve it.

200 days??? DAMN! I'm only at day 15! GEEZ!

Thanks EVERYONE... I appreciate all of the advice...

Idelion, I am so with you on that one. I often wonder if this is some HUGE test to see if I really DO love her, but of course I am fooling myself.

And Codaauora... hello from your neighbor to the south! But the CAVS????? Who's NUMBER ONE??????????????????????????????????????????

I'm only joshing. Great team. You guys may be betting the old coach from Wake... I live pretty close. He's a great coach.

Anyway.... thanks for ALL the words. GO HEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh that helps immensely. It really does. I am going to reread your post MANY times.

Here's to US and wishing us GOOD LUCK!

I have broken the no contact rule as I explained in an earlier thread. It was a voicemail I left letting her know that if she ever needed anything all she had to do was call. It wasn't sappy... just very pleasant. Okay... not the brightest thing in the world... but it's done and I'm not beating myself up for it.

Now... I KNOW I can't call again. You don't have to tell me. I know. And I agree 100%.

But my question is.... do you have any tips on how you got through that stage of DESPERATELY wanting to email or call? I know people say just "put it out of your mind" but for me that is easier said than done.

Thanks in advance!

I will absolutely pray that she is happy... and though mine left ME... I hope you pray too.

I would've ended up feeling incredibly guilty too... but want to be strong just in CASE she needs me when something bad happens to her parents.

Best of luck and God Bless.