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Swbymid

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  1. Update: I mailed a package to him of belongings I found with a business-like note reading "found these in a box from when we moved. Take care." A few days later I got a letter from him with my portion of the month's rent that we prepaid, and a note that said "*******, hope you're well and healing. Enclosed is your portion of the rent check. Love, ******". The check and letter are dated the same day he received my package. It's been about a week and I haven't responded. My family and friends think he is testing the waters. He is not a manipulative person and is a very contemplative ind
  2. Guys, the 'bad' thoughts are creeping in... I am itching to reach out to him... every other minute I'm having such conflicting thoughts. Trying to tell myself I just miss intimacy and companionship and not him and I will remain NC, and the next minute I'm utterly shocked and thinking "He is the person. No one else." And that if I feel this way, shouldn't I risk being vulnerable and telling him how I feel? Or if I want reconciliation, I should just remain NC as he is beginning to feel the emptiness of life without me. But I don't want to play games. I want to be honest, but protect myself... :/
  3. Trufo, oh god that didn't occur to me. Well, I'm not planning on responding, ever, unless it's clearly stated that growth has been worked toward and he is interested in rebuilding a trusting relationship. Until then, just powering through with healing. Thanks for your input. Best of luck to you.
  4. Baty, You're right. Although I don't care to respond, I still need to not read into it. Even if he wanted me back and comes out and says it eventually, it would have to be weeks, if not months from now because I'm working on myself! And I'm not sure he is. And at that point, I might not have the thought of reconciliation anyway. But I can't help but feel a sense of power right now...
  5. I'm definitely not responding. I didn't even have an immediate urge to. More like... anger. As in, how DARE he. When I have dumped people, I am so cognizant of how my actions and words will come off. I would never in a million years sign a post BU letter with 'love'. Or, even send a note. There was no need to send anything with the rent check. The memo on the check said RENT and I was expecting it back from someone, either him or the landlord. Anyway, yeah he has things of mine to send back. I literally packed my car and moved across the country the morning after he dumped me. I was only i
  6. Katrina, Yep. We both had individual stuff going on and I'll admit, I was not equipped with relationship skills to handle it. But it was the same on his end. Went from 100% "you are my future" to "you need to move out". He has a lot of influence from his parents, who are very patriarchal and unwilling to talk about therapy and getting help, etc. I strongly believe they influenced him, even as a grown man. They used to love me and tell me they can't wait for us to get married and have children. Then they insisted I was unable to support him and put my needs aside.
  7. Sarah, thanks for your response. The last thing this guy said to me was that he was going to try to stop loving me. And then he sends this. Honestly, a couple of hours have gone by and I am feeling... powerful. Whatever the motive of his, he probably expects some sort of response. He knows how much I love him and how hard it is for me to give him space (part of our downfall). Well... he will hear nothing. And that feeling of power, whether it's only in my head, I'm going to channel into my new and improved self!
  8. Hi everyone, 1 month post BU for me and about 4 weeks of NC. I was dumped. It was a painful breakup... who I thought was the love of my life (sometimes still feel that way). I've been feeling -moderately- better. I moved back home, started a career training I've been wanting to do, got a cool new job, joined a gym, I'm staying really busy but allowing myself to feel grief. I got around to unpacking some boxes last week and found a bunch of belongings of my ex. Important things; I mailed them with a business-like note reading "found these in a box from when we moved. Take care". The day
  9. bluecastle, thank you for your post. I dig the metaphors - they are wonderful. And everyone else's input, too. I appreciate the support. I actually find solace in hearing things like "take a step back, whatever is meant to be will be, only the universe knows what will happen". Trouble is, I believe it for an hour, and then I'm back to square 1. I guess that's what an affirmation is, though. An exercise is repetition until you begin to truly believe it in your core. But I do think about the cases of reconciliation where dumpees (MONTHS down the line of NC) just go for it and be vulnerable an
  10. Hey everyone, my ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago and I've had strict NC after the first couple days of begging/pleading. Up until a couple days before the split he was talking to my family making professions of commitment to me, showing genuine gestures of love and commitment to me. He ended things in a huge argument that had been building due to outside stressors in both of our lives that we were having trouble coping with on our own. I'm doing what I can to heal and move forward. I'm definitely still grieving the loss of the actual relationship and the shock of the split. It was messy an
  11. Thanks guys. It really does help to hear this outside feedback. It gets me out of my head. Luckily I feel like I'm turning a corner of some sorts, but I don't know. As soon as I have a good day and I'm positive that I'm really on my way to healing, it all comes back full force, usually at night. When you realize you're still pretty raw and the pain is still lurking (and probably will for awhile) it doesn't really feel that great. :/
  12. Okay, about 3 weeks post BU and almost as long NC (well...direct NC). I'm hitting alllllll the stages - the highs of feeling like I'm okay, I'm taking the steps to grow my passions and work on understanding/bettering my own personal problems and role in relationships, and feel I can handle this grief process head on, and then all the other chaotic and sometimes conflicting emotions of denial, sadness, anger, compassion, distraction, and so forth come crashing in. So, so exhausting. Anyway, a common denominator is RUMINATING. I am a regular meditator and I STILL cannot stop obsessing over 'si
  13. Hey there Utterlyhurt, my academia ex broke up with me a few days after your breakup (I saw your other posts). Same week of the dissertation defense. He had a pretty giant nervous breakdown and instantly became that cold, callous stranger leaving a possible slight door open for future reconciliation when he ended things in a fit of mania, but who really knows. I also moved out of our shared home. The grief is unbearable for parts of every day and I am now finding myself to have really depressing non-denial thoughts sandwiched between highs of denial and bouts of shock. It's exhausting. I'm rig
  14. @ SGH, Thanks for your response. I think the biggest thing I am dealing with is the shock of seeing this unknown side of my partner of 2 years having emerged seemingly overnight. The only explanation I want to give myself is a mental breakdown because I am not at the point of accepting that someone can just... be this way to someone they insisted they loved more than anything the day before.
  15. Sure. Thanks for asking. I initially lived with him as he finished school. His new job is across the country. So is where I just moved to back home. Right now he is wrapping up his work in our old city, and he is moving to his new job in July. 2 months of me having a quarter life crisis and feeling sad that my needs were getting in the way of supporting him in the final months of his PhD. I was keeping the house tidy, cooking every night, grocery shopping, throwing random celebrations for his progress. And then I stopped because I was freaked out about this person I love choosing a career
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