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  1. Being compatible with the person you're dating is incredibly important! If your mindsets don't match and it is making you miserable, I think you know deep within yourself what to do. it depends on how much you're willing to compromise on eating habits and lifestyle? or would you rather have someone who will engage in fitness activities with you and plan nutrition. How much are you willing to compromise and settle on, I think you really must think about what you want in a partner for yourself.... otherwise you can get incredibly lonely going down a certain path in life if your partners not on the same page, at least I did.
  2. I feel like I relate to a lot of what you're saying I would tell any girls to trust their gut instincts on those red flags, that you'd rather be happy and single and dating again, than miserable in a relationship Those are the two choices we have to make when dating someone We can ignore those red flags, but for how long? we can try and change those habits? but people rarely change and also why should they for us? I think the whole prospect of being single is so frowned upon and made to look so scary for women, that fear of ending up alone, but dating is some of the best years I've had. Meeting new guys, different personalities, hearing people's stories, what makes them tick. I'm not saying dating necessarily means having sex with lots of men, if that's what you're into then that's completely fine too!, but my point is being single and finding someone again.... it's not as scary or terrible as we tell ourselves it will be
  3. Hi everyone. I want to start by saying I hope everyone is safe and well during the pandemic. About my relationship, I had a tricky breakup last year and I didn't intend to jump into another relationship as quickly as I did, but love happens and everything seems so perfect through those rose-tinted glasses. It's been just under a year since we've been together, our families have met and we come from strict Asian cultural backgrounds (when parents meet it means it's serious and its heading down the path of marriage) I'm so happy with him or I was happy with who he was, but during the pandemic, he's been at home and with his family. His mother is quite religious and I feel he has become religious too, more so than his mum!! He wants to meet less and less now because there will be more "blessings" for when we actually get married next year (having sex or anything before marriage is a sin, bearing in mind! I was a virgin when we met and we had sex and he happened to be my first) The whole religion spiel is not what I signed up for. I find religious people become so hypocritical and it is okay for them to pick and choose what suits their needs whenever they feel like it, and we all must accept it because it's for the sake of religion ? Also he knows about my past, my ex, what happened, the details But when I asked him about his past, he said he's been with "3 or 4 people"... its either 3 or 4, I'm sure one would remember.... I had the mindset that the past is his business and if he didn't want to talk about it then I was okay with it. But I met up with some of my friends, and they told me that even though ignorance is bliss, it can make me naive. And knowing what happened just briefly or why it broke down is important if we are to be getting married... and if I'm asking he should be respectful enough to reutrn the favour and give me something more than "3 or 4". I did ask what happened, he said "it just didn't work out", and he closed up. I dont want to go crazy on him, but I feel like I've had a few built up frustrations brewing. And I don't want to be a doormat, but I can be a complete people pleaser to the point where I won't even realise I'm miserable until its too late. I dont know what to do anymore. Also I'm going into my final year of law and I study abroad on the other side of the planet (6 hour flight), so I'll be away for the next year, up to my head in exams.... to come back to an engagement?.... I'm not sure how I feel about it He really wants a relgiious ceremony/engagement, and if i postpone it he gets really upset about it. I had planned to get a nose job this summer, which got cancelled due to COVID, so it will be happening a month before my graduation and soon after graduation (2-3 weeks) he wants an engagement. I feel like he was super clever in getting families involved so soon. Because it's frowned upon to date and both of our mothers would rather we get engaged/relgious ceremony out of the way and a massive circus wedding later on. I really despise my culture soemtimes, no, most of the time. And I was truly happy with all of it until the religion thing kept cropping up, do I cross my legs and supress my wants and needs for 8 more months? Also I'm flying out to university next week and this was supposed to be our long weekend together He caught a cold (no its not COVID, he got tested lol) because the gyms had opened up and he was going everyday sometimes twice a day I did make my concern clear that.... overdoing the gym you'll wear yourself out and get sick/catch COVID.. but he didn't listen. He did what he wanted to. and now our weekend is cancelled. No... you're right... it's not his fault he's sick or caught a cold, not entirely, but then he said "maybe everything happens for a reason and it's Gods way of keeping us apart" I mean seriously . I was on the brink of letting the cold thing go until he laced it with that ? GUYS WHAT THE FK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I love him, I do, he's sweet and so caring and affectionate, really handsome (which doesn't mean anything really but its a plus because I always settled for nice guys who I was never attracted to, I have a lot of insecurity issues and that would be a whole other post) and we always had fun together but I don't know whats happening anymore Speaking on insecurities.... I never had sex because I was so insecure, but he was the first person I felt so comfortable with and trusted him I broke up with my ex because culture and religion got in the way and made a point not to fall into that trap again, but I really hope I'm wrong But i feel like every guy i get involved with starts of calm, chill, normal, and then wants to marry me and become some religious person and I dont get it I'm defnitely not giving off virgin Mary vibes anymore
  4. Thanks I get swayed in the emotions and moment of things, and I have this bad habbit of sparing peoples feelings even if it complicates my own life and people around me. Thank you for reminding me as to how miserable I was in the past, I had forgotten and was just seeing all the promises my ex was making and how he would do everything much better and to give him another chance I fear I may have moved on too quickly and didn't give him a chance I probably didn't communicate as well but I think I knew at some point this isn't what I want, for the rest of my life, we were young when we fell in love Thank you so much! your message really touched me and is so supportive, I felt that with everything you said this is why I think the fourm is genuienly so helpful Yes! You completely understand what it is like having a controlling mother! Oh my goodness, yes that is true what you said about the house thing too at the end However, I have made my mind up as to who I want to be with When I was around my ex this weekend when I went to see him and before and after he started crying I closed my eyes and imagined, even if my boyfriend wasn't in the picture, If I could be with him the answer was no Things are so emotional and complicated It's not as easy as picking off where we left off I don't think he will truly get over me being with another man and I know how religion and the sanctity of being a virigin is so important to him, that he may want me now but things may turn sour and resentful later on and even if they don't I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. Yes going abroad has probably changed me and my thoughts on what I want from life and I felt guilty because I did not believe in the same things as my ex did but yet agreeing to them, because i thought that was what love and loyalty was..... but I don't think so anymore I like being with my boyfriend. yes it's new. exciting and it may be the honeymoon period but I think this will shake our relationship now that I've come clean and what happens next is solely up to him and whteher or not he trusts me I don't really have issues being alone and Iwas for a couple of months, I knew I had to be to figure my own emotions and thoughts out but I met my current boyfriend at the gym and we clicked I told myself I just wanted something casualand to just meet new people but we started dating and things got pretty intense, pretty fast
  5. The next day I avoided going back to my flat and it was the day of his flight I went back to my flat an hour before his flight to confirm that it was over for good and I have moved on, and I appreciate everything and him trying to pick things up where they left off He was defeated and destroyed I felt like the worst human alive ending it and I fear I've broken a genuinely good man but if my heart isn't in it anymore and I can't even bring myself to hug him Then it's over I decided to tell my boyfriend the next day, I called him and told him everything and he was really angry but I couldn't lie or cheat him because I genuinely have feelings for him. He was angry but I told him he had to trust me that nothing happened, and i was constantly texting him and I messaged him in the middle of the night too saying I wanted to call but he was asleep. I couldn't tell him the same day everything was happening because he was busy with his family and friends and I didn't want to ruin that But I came clean I had to and he said he loves me and it's fine and that he's disappointed I took him back to my place but he needs space to think and process which is fine, if he breaks up with me then it wasn't meant to be and live everyone else on the forum is telling me It may be best if I stay single for a while Thank you so much for this, it really helped me weigh things and evaluate the whole situation. Yeah I definitely agree it doesn't mean he's not a good boyfriend, I think he knew for sure I wasn't pregnant because we had used condoms but I just got incredibly paranoid and scared because my period was late and so on (guilty of being a drama queen because I'm really not used to being sexual active lol) But I am getting the copper IUD soon Also it's true I think somewhere I was using him as a safety net and keeping my options open, I have to be firm with myself and my mother that it is over. I have moved on. It's not fair to my ex or my boyfriend because I'm emotionally torturing them both and may well be left single after this whole thing I know and I understand where you're coming from I genuinely was happy being single for a couple of months of after we broke up and I was doing my own thing hitting the gym and having fun with my friends and family But I met him and we clicked and I really do like him a lot So I hope things work out even after I've told him everything and have come clean
  6. Hello I really need help I might have said this in a post before but I broke up with my ex (7 years) at the beginning of summer and straight after I met a guy who made me happy I didnt mean to get into another relationship and I genuinely wanted time out for myself but I met him and I'm in love with him I lost my virginity to him, something my ex didnt want to do until marriage because we come from a strict Church going family My mum adores my ex and keeps comparing my boyfriend to my ex, constantly pointing out flaws and saying how I'll never find anyone who will compare to my ex And that no one will care or do the things he does for me But I started to come away from religion and ahat my mother wants for me isnt necessarily what I want and this angers her My new boyfriend loves me and travels to see me all the time because he has moved to another town, but we recently had a slight pregnancy scare and he didn't even seem scared and wasn't entirely supportive and it made me miss my ex I study in another country too, so recently my mother was in contact with my exs mother And gave him hope we might be able to get back together He caught a flight out to see me and turned up at my place and asked if he could stay over Of course I let him have my place to hinself, I went and stayed over at my girlfriends place who luckily lives across the road He tried to kiss me and I did miss him and want to kiss him but I'm not a cheater We had lunch the following day before his flight and I forgot to change the background of my phone screen It was a picture of me and my current boyfriend I had told my ex I'd moved on months ago but je must've thought I was single again and I was afraid to tell him because of this grand gesture After he saw the picture he crumbled and started crying and shaking He couldn't believe I moved on And said he had sacrificed everything to make a living for himself so that he could support me and give me and his own family everything we ever wanted I felt guilty and completely selfish. But I couldn't stop thinking about my boyfriend who for the past three days hasnt asked me how I've been or anything because he's travelling, but just the timing of everything is confusing me more! I broke up with my ex because i felt neglected and the long distance grew tough but now he is asking for another chance and thay he will be here for me whenever I ask because hes been working hard and got promoted and even bought a house for us But I have also fallen for my current boyfriend I dont know what the hell to do anymore Will I make a mistake if I let my ex go? Finding a love like him, who is so loyal and thoughtful may be the biggest regret of my life But is that a reason to want to go back to someone, when I still have mixed feelings
  7. Thank you for the assurance haha, but I think everyone else is right. Now I need to chill and back off Really sucks First guy I had any interest in for a while since my ex, and we broke up a while ago now
  8. Me and my fiance broke up around december 2018 He was my first boyfriend who I was with for 7 years, (I grew out of the relationship and realised we didn't want the same things anymore) which I think is part of the problem. I don't know how to date new people How to react when a guy shows a little attention Flirting? what is that even lol I think I just need to get out a little more now and focus on myself I put myself away for so long for the sake of my ex, to make him happy, it made me miserable
  9. What do I even text back if he responds to my text that I sent last night???? Ah I'm changing my gym times to the afternoon, I might have to fight people for a space to work out but I'm so humiliated by myself now lol
  10. Very true and wise There's plenty of other people around I mean there was a cute slightly older guy in the gym the other day and we were talking about ice hockey because it was on the TV and he continued to stare while I worked out but I paid no attention because the younger guy was also in the gym, why is it always the ones we want who are not interested Time to play it really cool and back right off.
  11. Having a crush is one of the most dangerous things in the world haha ! This is so unlike me, I never message or think of anyone this much I think I'm really insecure too because of the age gap I have to accept he's not into me
  12. Hi all I’m so confused and distracted by this situation I have a huge crush on this guy at my gym (he also goes to my university), but he’s four years younger than me He always says hi, is really cute and funny There was a party last Friday and I always noticed he happened to be near me or when I went to sit outside with my girls he would end up there too So I went up to him in gym and asked him for a coffee, he said sure so i told him to text me when he’s done with his exams So he did just that Except we both had to cancel because he got busy with family and I had a dentist appointment He rescheduled the following day but wanted to bring his cousin and told me to bring a friend? I said no to this, because none of my girlfriends wanted to hang with his cousin 🙈 Also who brings a third wheel to a coffee date?? It was supposed to be just a simple coffee date And I didn’t wanna go alone to see the both of them Anyway I just got a little desperate this evening And messaged him saying “heyyy what’re you up to” at 12.30 pm... He hasn’t replied, safe to assume he’s gone to sleep I need serious damage control and advice on how to recover from this situation and salvage myself Or just change gyms lol I’m also so confused as to whether he likes me or not or just friendly
  13. Hi everyone I have transferred to a new university and everyone already knows each other very well, I’ve made friends a group However I feel like they just use me when need me They’re always borrowing my notes and I always find myself doing things for them But yet they never think of nor invite me out anywhere I confronted one of the guys who uses my notes frequently and whenever I cook dinner I always make loads and send a box over next door And I asked him what was going? I said “you guys always message me whenever you need anything, I do so much because I help people when they ask and I’ve never said no but you guys always forget to invite me” He said he was sorry and it was not personal, and I should let it go and that I just slip their minds So after the confrontation I got a text a couple of hours later saying they’re going for bowling and if I wanted to go I genuinely don’t know how I feel about it anymore because it’s almost like a pity invite Or am I being overly paranoid and negative? And just go and see what happens Fitting into a new place is hard So any advice on how to proceed would be great It’s also an international university and these few select people speak English The other “cliques” speak in their own languages (Spanish, German, Norwegian etc.) which is why I haven’t branched out as much to other people even though I have tried ! I just sit in a corner not having a clue as to what’s going on I’ve learnt to enjoy my company but when you go a week by yourself in a foreign town it gets lonely
  14. I’m studying in another country and I’ll be graduating soon that’s why it’s LDR The phone sex just happened once with someone I was speaking to for just a few days Maybe that’s a fling? I don’t know This relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years is the only one I’ve ever really had so I didn’t know what I was missing until the phone sex
  15. Damn, thank you for that response. Appreciafe the replies everyone, scholding and all I will come clean about it all because the guilt is well and truly killing me
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