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newatthis90

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  1. Yeah, I'm not sure if that was the best move either. I didn't want him to come to the patio. I have anxiety issues and I knew I needed to go outside and breathe before I got too close to him. My intentions were to let him know I respect his space. I told him I would give him space. Maybe he won't come back because of this, oh well, my fault. My intuition says that he will but maybe not for a while. It's okay though, I need to focus on me. He uses his Facebook for business mostly (selling/buying). I have not seen a personal post from him in over a year. Also, when I went to add him as a friend after we met, we were actually already friends. Strange how things work but I'm going to let go and let the universe guide me...if I feel like I need to reach out to him I will but at this point I've done my best. :)
  2. Thanks honeycomb8, however were you in my position, I think you'd feel differently as I about my timing in telling him. And although I accept all this advice and continue to push forward, I was quite shocked last night when I went my local open Jam to see him there. He doesn't usually attend open Jam, I've dragged him there (not really) on Weds nights a few times necause he knows I enjoy the music. I've also gone myself while he stayed home. Basically, it's not his favorite thing. I showed up and didn't see him anywhere, went to use the ladies room and when I came out he was at my table. I said hi to him and our mutual friends and then my friend asked what I was drinking, "kombucha" I said, it's really good for you! Tim has one in his fridge of mine you can try" picked my drink and purse up and walked outside. I sat a table out there practicing breathwork for anxiety purposes and figured by the time I went in he'd be gone? He was at the bar unplugging his phone, looked up and asked me "where did you go?" I said "outside" and then he got on the phone and was outside pacing. I went back to the music and when I turned and looked in the parking lot his car was gone. SO, if I didn't need enough of an answer with that one!! I surely got it! I still have no idea WHY he would've shown up there as he knows I go religiously every week!!!
  3. That I was raped as a virgin in a portapotty when I was 16 and have never really had an experience like the one we were having. Basically, I'm sober and my anxiety was getting bad so some of the time that we had sex i would umm..tighten up/panic mildly. Usually, in the past, I have just had like one night-week stands and it typically always involved alcohol. I wanted him to know that I was making an effort to curb that anxiety, that it wasn't his fault, he doesn't hurt me, etc. I'm afraid he sees me as damaged goods maybe or isn't happy that I sometimes can't perform sexually in the way he would like. Now, if that were the case, there's no way I'd ever talk to him again. But, I don't think it is?
  4. Thanks for the advice- however blunt and straight up it is!- I prefer the band aid method (rip it off quick) over trailing crap out but I guess that's not for everyone!
  5. Thank you for the advice! I forgot to add that before this happened he had made it clear to me that "this" (whatever it is) was not just about fooling around, he genuinely enjoys my company and hasn't felt this way in years. He has no children, just a dog. I go to his house even when he isn't there and spend time with her as she's grown very attached. We haven't had sex every night or day that I've been there, he is very respectful about my body. He did end up contacting me yesterday (Monday) saying thanks for understanding, I really care about you and feel bad I am this way in my life right now. He has also told me a few times he did not want to take his stress out on me. I completely understand this went from 0-10 very quick and he may have gotten cold feet. I have put in place the no contact rule (unless he contacts me first) and even if he were to have called yesterday or today I would NOT go over there. If I'm going out I need to know that I did something "right" and for once not drop everything for a man. Also, as of a week ago I did delete him off Facebook and he is not stored under my contacts in my phone. Every phone call and text have been deleted so it makes my attempts to contact him much more difficult.
  6. I recently (a couple months ago) decided to give dating a try again after many failed relationships. It has been since 2014 that I put myself out there. I went on 2 dates with one guy who just wasn't right for me and then met the guy I have been seeing since July. He's 36 (divorced), I'm 28. He immediately actively pursued me, we were finishing each other's sentences by the 3rd time we hung out. He started asking me to spend the night - every night of the week. We go out to dinner or open mic occasionally but mostly enjoy our time together eating pizza. He isn't much of a texter but he, no matter what, always replies at some point and always calls me back as soon as he can. He has been very swamped with work lately and is planning a move to Florida for the winter. We have already talked plans of me visiting and when he will be back in the area. After spending every night at his house about a week ago he ignored my phone call for the first time. I didn't hear from him for 2 days after that. He texted me that he was beyond stressed, he was sorry for lack of communication, it wasn't my fault and he was mentally and physically exhausted. I completely understood and told him to take it easy, I was there if he needed me. I attempted to check in with him a few times and he would not answer the phone. I texted him a positive text about how I was feeling but didn't demand answers just wanted to know if he was ok as this wasn't his usual behavior? He texted me back that night saying "He is just so stressed, it was no excuse, he was sorry and he would call me tomorrow (that being last Thursday). We did end up talking on the phone Thursday and he said he would call me later if he was feeling up to it we could hang out. He did call me, I went over, spent the night, told him it was okay if he didn't want to talk or have sex if he wasn't feeling up to it. I gave him a call Friday and he answered but was very short and said he would call me when he got all his work done. He never called and I haven't heard from him since. I have sent 2 text messages in that time- one just saying hope everything is alright and the other letting him know if he needs space but hasn't expressed it, I completely understand, am there for him, care about him and am a phone call away if he needs anything. It is now Monday and I've heard nothing. I have become emotionally invested with him and have shared things with him I don't usually share because I trust him. Is he pulling away for good? What do I do? I need some advice!
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