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justcuriousy

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  1. I’ve been seeing this guy (A) for about a month. I really like him. We have never had a discussion about exclusivity/not seeing other people. I do know that when we first started dating he was talking to other girls but told me recently that he has deleted dating apps from his phone. I had a really stupid (100% regret) one night stand with a friend of a friend (M). The sex was horrible, he was horrible and I really wish I hadn’t done it. Whilst me and A are not exclusive, I still feel so terrible about the whole situation. How should I proceed? Do I tell A about the one night stand? I’m scared that they’ll (A and M) come face to face at some point-not sure what to do. While this is unlikely it could happen.
  2. I was with my ex for a year and a half, nearing to two years. We were together constantly and very in love. However, there were some issues during the relationship (different cultural backgrounds, different religious beliefs, him not wanting children) which led to him attempting multiple times to end things and then changing his mind because he "loves me too much". I loved him unconditionally and always took him back despite how much he hurt me. In hindsight, these are very real concerns and we should have discussed them at length but we decided to mostly repress them. He also did not value my opinion at all, he would immediately shut down any suggestions I made and make plans without consulting me/asking what I want and expecting me to go with him anyway. Eventually, we broke up permanently. It was messy. I was heartbroken for months, I cried constantly, didn't eat much and was completely distraught. I had lost the only person I ever loved romantically, the first person I'd ever been intimate with and someone who had grown to be my best friend. It was tough. I just don't know how to get over it. It has been 6 months now. I have thrown myself into my studies and the gym. I have tried casual dating but I can't move on from him. I'm plagued by our memories and how happy he once made me. People have told me to only focus on the bad times to help me, which I do but it's difficult because there were also many good times. Usually these memories come side by side. Please give me advice on how to move on from this. I don't want to be heartbroken or sad anymore. Ps we don't talk at all and have each other completely blocked on social media
  3. Have you ever facetimed or anything like that? I think it's more likely that he's a catfish than in a relationship if he won't meet you and says he has no social media at all.
  4. I've met a really wonderful guy, he's caring, intelligent, successful and seems to be very serious about me. We have been dating for a while but I don't get butterflies or excited to see him. I feel guilty because he is wonderful and I don't know why I'm like this. I am disappointed because he is the perfect guy but I can't fake the feelings that he has for me. There are a few issues that I have with him, firstly he can be really immature and argumentative. I have spoken to him about this and he just laughs it off. Secondly the sex is really bad, I have offered to show him what I like but he isn't really willing to listen and says he doesn't have "time" to put in for us to improve things. I don't know if I'm ever going to love him and I feel terrible about it. Has anyone been in a similar situation where they like someone but it just isn't working out the way you had hoped?
  5. My boyfriend and I were together for almost two years, we had serious plans for the future and were deeply in love. In February (while we were in bed) I told him about the sexual abuse I had suffered for most of my childhood (he already knew about it but I told him the whole story). I told him everything that happened and cried (for the first time in my life) about it. He held me, comforted me and told me how much he loved me. I told him that I’d accepted what had happened but I wouldn’t know how to handle it if I found out there were victims after me (since I never reported it to the police, my family were very against this). A couple of weeks later, I got a phone call from my parents that it had happened to someone else too. This was on the day I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I broke down, cried hysterically and only my best friend knew since she was in the room with me at the time. I went ahead with the rest of the night (the cake ended up burning while I was crying) and some people made comments about it which I was quite touchy about. That night my boyfriend tried to leave but I had a panic attack about it, I was really scared of sleeping alone that night. He reluctantly agreed to stay and this was the first of many “crazy” incidents. In the following months I got progressively worse. I went from being a happy, positive and upbeat person to a depressed, clingy and insecure mess. I never found a right opportunity to tell him as he was very stressed with exams and job applications (it was his last year at university). A couple more months went by and I finally decided I wanted to go to the police with my case. I called my mum (for the first time in weeks, my relationship with her really broke down during this time) and told her this. We agreed that I’d do it after my exams and tell my boyfriend once his exams were done too. On the day of my last exam he broke up with me. Everything I had been holding in blew up and my reaction to the break up was really bad. I was so terrified of being alone, especially through something so difficult. The break up was bad (we both said and did dumb things). We met up three weeks after the break up and slept together twice. He then got really emotional and told me he thinks of me all the time and misses me. I told him I didn’t want to lose my best friend and he said I wouldn’t. After this he blocked me on everything and any attempts I’ve made to speak to him have been fruitless. I don’t blame him at all for the breakup, but the way he acted afterwards wasn’t nice. I personally wouldn’t treat someone that way but I guess I shouldn’t judge since I wasn’t in his position. A few months have passed, I’ve reported the abuse to the police and I’m going forward with the case. I’m also going to therapy so I’m in a much better place, I’m way happier too. I’ve lost a ton of weight and generally I’m the best I’ve ever been. Yesterday I ran into him after 2 months. He walked away as soon as he saw me so I went after him. He was really upset and I thought it was because he'd found out about everything (^) so I asked if he knew. He looked really confused and I ended up telling him everything. We talked for about 5 hours. It turns out, he hasn't been coping as well as I thought he was. He's actually far behind me in terms of moving on which is shocking because he ended things. I really thought he'd be over me by now. He said he'll always love me and always care for me. He said I was a good girlfriend and he's glad I was the first person he fell in love with. My question is, what should I do? I feel so guilty knowing that he hasn't moved on and is still in pain. He kept saying "there's just too many feelings". I feel like I shouldn't contact him and let him heal but at the same time i'm quite worried. I know we're not together anymore so it isn't really my place to contact him and see if he's alright but i'm unsure if not checking up is worse.
  6. One of my close friends went through a break up a few months ago (as did I). We became really close helping each other through the pain and things turned into a friends with benefits situation. I don’t have romantic feelings for him. I do care for him very much and always want him to be well. We had a conversation today where he told me he misses his ex a lot. I tried to console him and suggested he texts her. He then made up an excuse so I told him to work on himself and on being happy, if things are meant to be then they’ll happen. He got annoyed at me and told me he’s going to sleep. I apologised but he didn’t reply. Not 100% sure what’s going through his mind? I tried to be supportive but it didn’t work out. Not sure what to do. Any advice?
  7. Hey thank you for your response. I agree, I think I should concentrate on the important things in my life right now.
  8. TW: sexual assault My boyfriend and I were together for almost two years, we had serious plans for the future and were deeply in love. In February (while we were in bed) I told him about the sexual abuse I had suffered for most of my childhood (he already knew about it but I told him the whole story). I told him everything that happened and cried (for the first time in my life) about it. He held me, comforted me and told me how much he loved me. I told him that I’d accepted what had happened but I wouldn’t know how to handle it if I found out there were victims after me (since I never reported it to the police, my family were very against this). A couple of weeks later, I got a phone call from my parents that it had happened to someone else too. This was on the day I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I broke down, cried hysterically and only my best friend knew since she was in the room with me at the time. I went ahead with the rest of the night (the cake ended up burning while I was crying) and some people made comments about it which I was quite touchy about. That night my boyfriend tried to leave but I had a panic attack about it, I was really scared of sleeping alone that night. He reluctantly agreed to stay and this was the first of many “crazy” incidents. In the following months I got progressively worse. I went from being a happy, positive and upbeat person to a depressed, clingy and insecure mess. I never found a right opportunity to tell him as he was very stressed with exams and job applications (it was his last year at university). A couple more months went by and I finally decided I wanted to go to the police with my case. I called my mum (for the first time in weeks, my relationship with her really broke down during this time) and told her this. We agreed that I’d do it after my exams and tell my boyfriend once his exams were done too. On the day of my last exam he broke up with me. Everything I had been holding in blew up and my reaction to the break up was really bad. I was so terrified of being alone, especially through something so difficult. The break up was bad (we both said and did dumb things). We met up three weeks after the break up and slept together twice. He then got really emotional and told me he thinks of me all the time and misses me. I told him I didn’t want to lose my best friend and he said I wouldn’t. After this he blocked me on everything and any attempts I’ve made to speak to him have been fruitless. I don’t blame him at all for the breakup, but the way he acted afterwards wasn’t nice. I personally wouldn’t treat someone that way but I guess I shouldn’t judge since I wasn’t in his position. A few months have passed, I’ve reported the abuse to the police and I’m going forward with the case. I’m also going to therapy so I’m in a much better place, I’m way happier too. I’ve lost a ton of weight and generally I’m the best I’ve ever been. I’ve rebuilt my relationship with my parents and friends, all that’s left is getting closure with my ex. Since I’m blocked on everything and any attempts to reach out haven’t worked, I’m not sure what to do. I’m on generally good terms with his family so I was considering going to his mums place and speaking to her but I’m not sure if that’s crazy?? I just feel like this news is pretty ty to hear through a voice note or a text message. The other option is a letter but I have no idea if or when he’d read it. He may see it’s from me and just throw it away, I don’t know. Has anyone been in a similar position? Any advice? Thanks :)
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