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About MissOB

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  1. Thank you DissyLu :) I fully appreciate everyone's advice and thoughts on this whole situation as it's always beneficial to get complete impartial perspectives and I'm not gonna lie if a friend of mine was going through the same thing I would say the same! But obviously it's completely different when it's happening to yourself. However I do need to give it time of around 6 months to really feel like I've given it the best shot. My first relationship was 3 years and by the half way point I was experiencing issues and was starting to get doubts. I gave it more time and when I didn't see an
  2. Actions do indeed speaker louder than words and I'm a firm believer in that and have always been. I told him this when I found out about his gambling, when discussing everything else I've said it's fine saying this but you must show/prove it to me. And so far he has with being more thoughtful and not gambling. It's still very early days and like even he said these things need to be long term and basically forever. But I feel no use in being pessimistic and believing he'll never change, it'll never get better. If I don't give the relationship a chance for say may be another year how
  3. There is definitely a core issue to his addiction - I remember him saying something about going the arcades when he was a kid with his father and then when he got to uni he would spend most of the time in the pub and on the machines they had and that's where most of his money went. So there is a deep issue here behind it and it's on him to use therapy etc to get to the bottom of it. I would also go as far as saying he may have a dependence on alcohol too. He's said more than once he feels he has to have to drink on a Saturday and then I've always had this feeling that he'll always make sure to
  4. Yes I do seem too, and even more so in the past few months. This is the first relationship I've been in since I was 22. And my past relationships I never looked at as long term, one of my exes did and wanted us to get married and settle down and I was like woahhh steady on. It was one of the reasons I broke it off in the end. But this time I had been looking at the relationship as long term and now cos I'm older I am thinking more about making the right choice and being with the right person for me cos I want settle down in a few years. I had a big talk last night about the kids issue and
  5. Yes that's always something to bare in mind. When i was a bit younger i didn't see having kids past aged 35 as a problem as my mum had me and my brother aged 35 then 41 without problems and naturally. But now I'm older I realise I could be different, I can't predict how it'll be and that's something I cannot ignore. And yes gambling for me will be a deal breaker. I made it very clear that if he started up again I would have to walk away and he fully agreed with me on that as he told me he himself would walk away if he got into the same situation again as he wouldn't want to be a financial s
  6. Oh yes of course, I had taken a break from contraceptive pills before I met him but as soon as the relationship was heading towards sexual intimacy I went straight back on the pill because I did and do not want kids for a few years yet as I'm still establishing my career. Yes he does seem to truly worry when my withdrawal bleeds (during pill free week) takes ages to start, he doesn't outwardly say it but I can tell as when he knows I'm due one he'll actually ask me "have you started?". He explained not so long back that with his gambling and financial problems he simply couldn't entert
  7. Yeah those two things, wanting kids and his gambling problem, are the two main issues in the relationship that for me bring about some much uncertainty for the future. They are effectively out of my control. I have had a lot of hope that his gambling will stay under control as he is now only a few months away from being debt free. He knows and feels sad that the mess he got himself into means he has very little left over to contribute to the relationship and with him possibly moving to a job with much less hours meaning less pay this will continue for a lot longer than he or I would have wante
  8. I wouldn't especially if I had a son as I would want them to have respect for women. I didn't really think of it as him objectifying women for some reason but I suppose it is. He's often all over me when we meet up and on several occasions he is clearly miffed when Im not receptive to his advances. He says "I can't help how attracted I am to you" but last night I told him how it made me feel and his responses were much more respectful and apologetic. I did actually say though that its okay saying sorry etc but actions speak louder than words.
  9. Thank you all for your prompt replies. Just to clarify, regarding his gambling, he got a stern wake up call from me when I found out and he has been receiving counselling. He gambles when he drinks and so he stopped drinking for a good while until he knew he had the right support in place to be able to resist his urges. He's been completely open and at this present time can see he isn't gambling and knows if he did it again I would be ending our relationship. I'm not stupid though and he had mentioned spending a bit of money on some mobile games so I know I need to be on my guard in case he
  10. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1.5 years. We met on a dating website and after a few weeks went on a date and by the second date we became a couple. It felt a bit quick for me after my last relationship started fast but I hadn't felt so comfortable with anyone else like that before and it felt right. First 6 months were bliss and then I started teacher training so became very very busy and little by little the honeymoon phase slipped away. After new year I lost my Grandad and his death has had a deep effect on me. Coupled with the stress of my training I was no longer myself. I bec
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