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Insecurejerk

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  1. The story in the link you shared, it helped put things into perspective. Thank you
  2. I want to thank you for taking the time to write as much as you did and to share your own experience. I have reached a conclusion and thought I would share it with you here. I would not have done what she did, but that is me. She knows how I feel about it and has apologized, what more could I want? We drop boundaries and different places and I think that's because we all do that based off of past experiences and having different personalities. I know in my heart she wouldn't cheat on me. There was a time I would never have reached that point. You see I was in a long-term marriage in which I raised a daughter for nearly 3 years thinking she was mine only to find out otherwise. I was made to believe I was crazy in that relationship that all of my suspicions for me just being paranoid only to find out in the worst kind of way that those suspicions were accurate. How about a hard time trust issues because of that one situation many years ago. I am truly with the wonderful woman now and I know that. If someone had approached her on that dance floor that night, I know she would have let them down. She shows me with everything she does every day that I am loved and loved deeply. Thanks again for your response, it helped a lot.
  3. We've talked through this and have moved forward. I don't have a trust issue that makes me believe she would cheat on me. We just didn't see eye-to-eye on it and I posted the situation here to get opinions from people that are not directly involved because I know they would be unbiased. I still have some healing to do from my past and I definitely recognize that. I brought it here instead of taking it to the mat. I believe that was a wise choice. Not to say that we didn't have quite the discussion over this but I stopped it in a place far sooner then I would have in the past. She's too important to me to mess this up. Everyone's feedback is so appreciated and I thank you
  4. Those kind of messages are in no way appropriate. You have every right to not trust him, nor should you. I know you may have deep feelings for them, but they are one sided. You can do and deserve better.
  5. We are both committed to make our relationship work. We are past this in discussion, it was a moment in time. We have agreed to disagree. One of the reasons I posted this here was to get others opinions without carrying it on into my relationship with her. Hearing other's viewpoints has helped. Accepting each other's differences is important. We have been together 6 months. We are still learning and growing together. I have been hurt in the past in ways you can't even imagine. I'd be doing myself a disservice if I did not seek understanding in regard to intent.
  6. There are parallels in her viewpoint that are very similar to ones I blindly accepted in the past only to get hurt. I recognize it's not fair to her to compare what I've been through to her. The reason for my post is that I do have a difficult time recognizing what is completely from my insecurities and the boundaries I wish to keep because I deem them right in any relationship regardless of my past. I don't imagine too many guys would be comfortable to learn that their girlfriend purposely sought attention and try to get picked up on by other men. I don't see that as being a healthy boundary
  7. I came here for advice because I am aware of some insecurities I have and wanted to decipher between it being an insecurity issue or a boundary issue. My insecurities aside, I do feel that seeking attention from other men to see if she would get hit on is a boundary issue but I also recognize that it may not be as big of a deal as I made it out to be. Not everyone here has stated that it is no big deal as you pointed out. I am grateful for your comment and your advice and I have sought counseling with my first appointment coming up next week. There are deep-rooted issues because of some horrific things that have happened in my past that I know I need to deal with
  8. She has a beautiful woman and of course I fully expect that there are time she will be hit on. I fully expect her to interact, have conversation, have lives, dance with other men in my presence or otherwise. The fact she sought out this attention is what I have issue with. I love her playful nature and she can strike up a conversation with anyone she is highly extroverted. I lean toward the introverted side and find that the combination is a wonderful thing.
  9. Sorry, my replies have gone to the wrong place because I'm new here and just figured out how it works. Thank you all for your responses.
  10. Her and the male friend I mentioned we're talking about it in front of me. I know she wouldn't have done anything about it if she was hit on. The question I have is why play that game to begin with? What if someone did hit on her, now she needs to go down a completely different road that would make me even more uncomfortable because she purposely put herself in that situation to begin with
  11. We're not on the same page and I'm not quite sure how we get there
  12. There is no need to step up the romance. We are very affectionate with each other and I tell her how beautiful she is everyday. I tell her I'm the luckiest man in the world and our intimacy is incredible. I have taken the route of lecturing because this is something that has really bothered me. I've had some trust issues with other things that we've been able to talk through. Admittedly, I know I have some trust issues because of my past. She has been very communicative with me and reassuring as well. This particular situation I have posted has nothing to do with insecurities, but my own beliefs as to what is right when being in a relationship.
  13. No one hit on her. We've been in heated discussion all day about this. She apologized, said she shouldnt have done it, but in the next breath said she did nothing wrong, not gonna walk on eggshells for me and that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I'm confused about her response because I don't know how she truly feels about it because of her contradiction in her response.
  14. The question I have involves a situation in my relationship that has made me feel very uncomfortable. I wonder if I am being unreasonable, or justified in feeling my relationship has been disrespected. I am a 46 year old male in a committed relationship. Last weekend my girlfriend went to a bar with a girl friend of hers. The girlfriend left earlier than my girlfriend. My girlfriend stuck around because she knew a few people there. She was hanging out with a guy who is a mutual friend of ours. While at this bar, she noticed that someone was checking her out. In conversation with our mutual friend, he bets my girlfriend that if she were to go on to the dance floor by herself that someone would try and hit on her. So she proceeds to the dance floor to see what would happen. My question to you is, should this behavior bother me or is it in reality no big deal?
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