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Jelyse11

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About Jelyse11

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  1. That was Jan/Feb 2018. I have been seeing this new guy since November 2018. Was single for nearly a year.
  2. I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now and it has been abusive from the start. He has always been suspicious of me cheating and lieing to him without any proof. At the start of the relationship he blocked me on everything and ended the relationship and in this time I slept with someone else. Well when we got back together he went through my phone and saw messages between me and the guy I slept with and totally lost it. He took my phone and purse and tried to throw me out of the hotel we were at with no clothes on. He strangled me and I was covered in bruises from him dragging me arou
  3. I know that it is not ok. I absolutely know that. I do know it was wrong but I also know I can’t deal with being lectured on cheating at the moment when I have already come to terms with myself about it. He may not of changed your right and I guess I will find out eventually. But this is here and now and I can’t change the past.
  4. Yep my thoughts are going crazy. It’s like having 50 different feelings all at once. I just know I’m not ready to let go but what choice do I have? If I ask for another chance again then it just pushes him away further as I know he thinks I’m just saying things to get him back. I am trying to get him back but begging for another chance is doing the opposite. He said he is far from perfect but that I had a chance and New Year’s Eve was his breaking point. So he was thinking about it for at least two weeks before the break up. The final fight made his decision for him. That’s why I think it can
  5. Your right. I know u are. I wish my brian would think logically about this. It’s like his things being here give me a chance to see him. But seeing him is just making me stay in so much pain as nothing has changed. He isn’t cold to me anymore like the first two weeks but we aren’t together and that’s all that matters to me. I do need to move forward. My job is suffering because of it and I haven’t been looking after myself. I wish I could see the future lol.
  6. He has cheated on all his ex girlfriends in the past, but I have cheated on my ex partners in the past as well. So I don’t judge the cheating thing and apart from my suspicions now, he hasn’t cheated on me and I haven’t cheated on him and I know I wouldn’t have. So I don’t think I can say just because he has done it to someone before means he has done it me as cheaters do change. Which I am proof of. The emotional abuse is subtle but I read up some things and he definitely falls into some things. But I can see my own behaviour in what I read as well. I wanted to keep this part out about ho
  7. What you said does make sense. I have asked him out right if there is anyone else and he said no which is a pretty standard answer. I said to him I wish there was so I can move on from u faster as I would just be disgusted and no there is no hope and he still said no. I feel so helpless because I can’t prove anything. He said why would he still live in our home if there was someone else. If this is the case and he was cheating on me then I wipe my hands of him. When I first had thoughts about it and I was thinking it even back in November not just recently, I went through his phone a couple o
  8. I had started a new job in June last year plus got in some financial trouble and I wasn’t acting like myself. I was being negative and I feel I was picking on him for things. Just little things and I was making negative comments about everything. I can see I was being that way because I was feeling stressed but not working to control it. In November I could see my partner wasn’t being himself and I pestered him to tell me what was wrong. He said he didn’t like being around me lately, that I said I was going to save money and I didn’t, that I said I would get out more with my own friends and pr
  9. IÂ’ve been writing on here a bit lately. IÂ’m trying to do this instead of talking to my ex. IÂ’m really not handling this well. All the things IÂ’ll miss about him just go around and around in my head. We have been broken up for 6 weeks now and it makes me feel sick saying it. I just canÂ’t bellieve this itÂ’s like IÂ’m still in shock. We still live together and he is moving out this weekend coming and IÂ’m so scared. IÂ’m so scared we wonÂ’t get the chance now to ever work it out. I can not imagine ever letting another man touch me or ever loving anyone else. IÂ’m 27 years old and never
  10. Yep I am trying very hard to see this as a lesson and to make myself a better person in the long run. I seriously need to start training again as over these past weeks I havenÂ’t been eating so I havenÂ’t been able to go to the gym. I might write out a healthy eating and training plan for myself as I am feeling physically weak. I am so scared when he moves his stuff but also there is some feeling of relief as it wasnÂ’t changing anything by seeing him everyday and was probably making it worse. Plus if we do ever have a future together then we need this space. I really want to go at least
  11. It’s been 6 weeks. He still has all his stuff at our home and he does stay at our place during the week. He is moving out though this week he says. I can’t bear to see his stuff gone and then it will all be more real. I can’t cope with this.
  12. They are mutual friends although more so his friends if I’m honest. Your right, it doesn’t change anything I guess I’m just trying to find any other reason of why we can’t make this work. I guess I do need to accept and know that I can’t keep tabs on him. I feel so sick thinking of him with someone else and touching and loving them the way he did me. God this is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
  13. If you look at my previous threads you can read about the back ground of our break up and what is happening currently. Well I don’t know if my mind is running wild but I think he might have someone else. I was at his friends after a festival we all attending (including my ex). This friends place is the place where he had been staying some nights since the break up and I noticed his over night bag that he takes with him wasn’t there. As he was meant to of been staying there the night previously and I know it isn’t our place makes me think where is it? I had suspicions in the back of mind
  14. So the festival went good. We hung around each other the whole time, it was a more of him wanting to be around me and talking to me than me chasing him. We also had conversation where I told him he is the love of my life and he said “you are probably mine as well deep down”. There is obviously a lot of resentment still on his part but under that the love is there. But even though I kept my cool all day we are still the same, broken up. And he is meant to be moving next weekend. I can’t handle the pain of him leaving our home. I love him so deeply, I’m such a wreck over this. I’m now alone and
  15. Yeah that must of been hard. I wish I could block him but I know even when he moves out I won’t. I really want it to work out between us. My gut feeling tells me this isn’t the end but then there are so many things that make me think I’m crazy to think we will be together again. I want to be like that as well. Have my self respect and dignity even if I’m still in love with him. I hope he realises that our problems can be worked out. I don’t want to be his friend either, not after what we had.
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