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bwknight

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  1. Closing in on 2 months. Still going well. Had one pretty big fight over her need for space at times but we didn't let it define our new marriage. Made up quickly. Initially we were acting like newlyweds. Things have calmed a bit but neither of us want it to go back to the old ways. Will keep you updated.
  2. Struggling to find one we both like but we keep trying. We're not letting that stop our progress though.
  3. It has been about a month now. Probably much to everyone's surprise we are doing really well. The level of truth, communication and intimacy grows and is actually beyond what it ever was before the separation. We're talking, laughing, playing, etc. like never before. So yes, it's only a month but our marriage seems to be the most important thing to us both. Kids are very happy to see us acting in love again.
  4. The advice has helped. Lost has been spot on most of the time. Proceeding with caution is the plan with continued counseling. Our communication and transparency continues to go well. It will take time to get the trust back.
  5. Yes. Counseling continues, both for us and individual I've been doing for months.
  6. It is a tricky place to be in and quite frankly didn't expect to be here. Proceeding with caution. There certainly is a level of honesty and communication not seen in years. Trust is another thing. I think we've both been surprised at the level of feelings we still have for each other after 20 years and the last few months. Spouses make mistakes, do stupid things (I sure have), it's where you go from there that makes the difference I guess.
  7. Well it's been awhile. So here it is. Last Friday she asked if we could go to dinner and a movie. Took my hand at movie, something was different with her. Enjoyed the movie came went to bed. Woke me up at midnight to talk. And we did just that for the next 18 hours. She came clean with everything. I stayed calm and just listened. She was stunned but I told her nothing she said surprised me. I knew. So at the end she said I want the separation to be over. I want to rebuild our marriage and trust. I was stunned by her honesty. I'm pretty sure she told me everything. Certainly matched what I knew to be true. So during the last week we've continued to talk resulting in me moving back into our bedroom. She seems incredibly happy. It's light someone had snatched her brain and suddenly returned it. Now I know other things could be true, discovered fantasy is just that, found out other guys are idiots too, got dumped, etc. Who knows. But I've decided to trust it's over and she wants our marriage. Only time will tell. So tough because of the sudden change of mind. Will keep you all posted.
  8. Don't judge all counselors by just one. You may have to try several before you click with one. You've become a victim of faulty thinking due to his putting you down or making you feel bad for going out with friends. Don't fall for that. You made some mistakes as a partner but you've shown a willingness to learn from it and become a better partner. It sounds like he's only interested in punishing you. No matter what mistakes you've made you deserve to be happy and feel valued. Try another counselor and don't sit around hoping for the light to come on with this guy. Get out and have some fun.
  9. Sorry hit send by mistake. We're still in the same house and I'm working my way through this with lots of help. My advice is go to counseling by yourself and work on healing you and making you a better parent and person. He's asked for space. Give it to him and let him know if he wants to work on marriage you're open to it. Fill your life with your kids, friends, etc. Find some fun in your life. Stop focusing on all the things you did wrong (I'm sure he wasn't perfect) and take care of yourself. And keep posting here. The advice I've received here has been helpful and sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone.
  10. I've been here for about 6 months relaying my story of my wife basically walking away after 20 years of marriage.
  11. You're right. She looks the same person but an alien has sucked her brains out I am spending a lot of time with kids, take them out places, go to church, etc. and don't ask if she wants to join us. She's not part of the us equation anymore. To her credit she is spending more time with them as well and returning to the good mom she's always been. That's a plus for them.
  12. Thanks Lost. I'm not trying to save her. Either this counselor will help get at the truth (reality) or he won't. While there are many reasons to avoid the truth (nobody wants to admit they're a lying, cheating, manipulating person), but I just believe you owe it to someone you've shared your life with for 20 years. You don't leave people not fully knowing or understanding, you stand up like an adult and tell the whole truth. You may be right and I may never get that. But I'm going to push for it while the opportunity exists. That's just me and who I am, and yes I get that may not be who she is anymore.
  13. No, I'm not living in the fantasy world of everything will work out if the whole truth comes out. And she's not going to ask for forgiveness and confess her undying love for me. Maybe because of my age and the generation that raised me I believe we are all owed the truth. There's freedom in that and probably closure as well. We're all different and in reality she probably needs to tell the truth as much as I need to know it.
  14. It's been let's say interesting. Took a couple of weeks to wade through the bad husband for 20 years crap. It has surprised her how much I know about her recent behavior and her go when cornered is anger. This resulted in a knock down drag out last week. But I was heard Know that we've established I'm not stupid it has created some communication but My response is let's talk about it in counseling. It's obvious that's going to be uncomfortable but it's the best chance of getting honest answers. I have no illusions that knowing the truth changes anything but I deserve the truth anyway,
  15. I'm not sure it's a question either. Unfortunately I don't have all the hindsight most here have and I've got kids that need to be walked through this as well. It's certainly not going to hurt to see a counselor together. If nothing else maybe I get some answers. I think everyone on this site has probably wanted that at some point.
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