Vivi0476

Finally thought I had stopped my destruction and found someone who seemingly cared for me... finally officially started dating someone who really all along wasn't a good communicator but now it just hurts more bc we are a couple. Not sure when I'm going to seee him and he does this thing where he ignores my questions and replies w something off topic. Not sure why. Just know I want to scream and hide and just give up on dating. Give up bc it's exhausting give up bc in tired to be willing to pour everything into something and continually be broken down time after time left wondering why? Why am I so disappointed w anyone I choose to date ? Why can't I find my spencer and y can't I love myself enough to get it ? Why is it taking so long and will it ever happen??

Try not to see dating like a job interview or panning for gold. That's work and it should be fun. I was seeing someone for a while who did this get close/pull away, get close/pull away thing. As much as I was beginning to really like him, the rollercoaster was too much. I went NC on his fickle butt. Of course the "good morning, sunshine." Texts still come through I'm thinking he just wants to see if ill bite. But...NEXT! Anyway, my point is, it should be fun. Cut this dude off and work on you. You'll find "him" when you stop looking for him

I put down the deposit for a trip to France...alone. I'm going to go outgrow you now. You forced me into a little box. I just broke out of it. In the short time I'm there I will be completely done with u when I return. The thought of settling for you will disgust me, and I'll be planning my next trip, and the next part of my life without u.

I'll think I'm fine and then a song will come on my playlist or I'll come across one of your shirts or worse, a card or gift you bought me and I'll lose myself again. I hate you for what you've turned me into.

Were you ever here? Remember when we had that year when we first got married and you had to stay in az while I lived in co. And we'd get to see each other every other month and when it was time for me to leave how you'd hold me so tight I couldn't breathe? You'd be calling me before I even left the complex. What happened to that? Were we ever together? Were we ever happy?

You abandoned your life. Our life. Your dog, your responsibilities, your wife, your house....everything. You literally just disappeared. Yes it's making things a bit easier for me...but I really want to know why?

Why do you resent me so much? I was a good wife to you. I cooked, I kept house, I was loyal, all you had to do was utter u wanted me or give me a look and I threw myself at you. I didn't do anything to make you hate me so. Yet you do. Why? You have to tell me or I'm going to beat myself up over this.

You throw people away like disposable pieces of trash. You use them for what you can get then you discard them. I can list at least 10 in The past year that no longer serve a purpose in your life. How sad.

Do you care? Or did you ever?

Your dog stopped sitting beside the door today. She didn't jump up when the neighbors friend with your identical big black truck drove up. She even came to me for affection this morning. I think we've both come to the realization that our man/alpha has left us. Its ok though. You're no longer the man that married me and rescued her. In his place is an abusive alcoholic. You've hit us both and both of us still missed you. Today though, we both take our lives back. She's my girl now. And I'll never even raise my voice to her.