lolita

Hi everyone!

I haven't been here for a while but I wanted to give you all a quick update. 2 weeks ago I had decided to stop counting the days of no contact and totally let it go!

I m happy with my new boy although he drives me nuts at time but he treats me well.

Anyway story short. I got a message out of the blue from my ex!!! I didn't replied right away and replied the next day early morning. Thinking knowing him, he would be probably asleep.

He wrote me back immediately after. We exchanged few messages, laughed a little and that was it.

Honestly it took me a few days to stop thinking about the reason why he has decided to reach out to me like 5 month post break up!!!

So I decided to text him and to call him out on why he suddenly felt the need to text me.

Guess what he replied right away that he felt bad of how he ended things with me and that he was sorry.

So basically he just wanted to clear his conscious and maybe get a little ego boost.

That was it, he didn't mention picking up his cloths or meeting someday ...

I ve always said they always come back but not always for the reasons we want!

At the end of the day is for the better cos I didn't want him to pursue me while I m trying to build something new with my new boy!

Good luck everyone through this tough journey!

At the end we all will survive and move on!

Day 54 ..

 

Lolita, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this but don't beat yourself up. It can happen to all of us. I think deep down we all want contact with an ex (especially in the earlier stages) as we still have some lingering hope.

But you will get through it, lolita! Now really stick to NC, don't blame yourself and def don't try to interpret whatever he said like the having "mixed feelings". It's just some lame excuse from him. Someone who wants you, would pursue you in any possible way and won't have "mixed feelings", so give him the space he demands - be it months or years. It is not up to you to concern yourself with anymore. You don't need him to be happy or to ease the pain as he IS the pain.

 

And concerning the new guy, maybe you should give yourself two or three days to get your feelings settled after this incident. I would just tell him that you need these days for yourself (or make up some excuse) and be back then. I think that is a fair approach.

 

You have managed so well so far and you WILL def keep up a longer NC and be fine! We are here for you

 

Day 2

 

Awwww thanks so much Layla21 for your comforting words. I was really down and reading you got me the kick again to try to really move on and maintain no contact for the longest I can.

It felt weird because while he seemed happy to have news from me at the same time he couldn't stress more on wanting to go bed... and it was a Saturday night .

He gave me a compliment and a little note of jealousy. Which confused me. And you are right I shouldn't analyse anything of this convo. And I won't try ever to ease his pain again as he is the cause of mine!

 

The new guy and I are back at ok now I might see him tomorrow to watch a game . I hope it works out with him, he has a very nice personality. And at least he has a job and an apartment!! Lol thanks again for the support, it really helps to feel understood and have ppl to share our story with.

Date didn't go well. Not attracted to him. He wasn't much of a conversationalist. Very awkward.

 

But I got that first date after break up out of the way!

It's ok my first date after break up was a total disaster and not a conversationalist either. But I can laugh about it now! He came 4h late, FaceTime his cousin and then parents ... credit cards got declined and had to pay ... so don't give up. You ll meet a better one. I feel a little better now from the anxiety of breaking no contact last night .

Feel stupid tho cos you would think that initiating will make them want to talk to you again and text again but nop ... I don't exists for him .

At least as you said you got that first date post BU out of the way! So you are on your way to recovery and be able to make your life without him !

Let's keep hoping for better but as for me he can shut down all his social media or something I won't care anymore and promise myself to keep no contact forever unless he reaches out .

Day 53...

 

Lolita, I would advise you not to contact him. If there is anything I have learnt from all threats it is to completely keep distance from an ex.

 

Think about it - you do NOT know if him deactivating FB has any relation to his drug issues (I even deactivated mine for a timebeing bc it was distracting and I couldnt bear seeing my ex on pictures or so). Also, there can be any other possible reasons for doing that.

I am aware you are concerned and still care about him but he dumped you, wanted you out of his life and this is exactly what you should give him. It sounds harsh but if he needs help or anything, he would man up and contact you himself(responding him is another issue).

 

Please dont ruin your progress because of some interpretations. I had these moments even in other circumstances as well but it is merely not our business anymore to take care of them. It is tough but now, be selfish bc he did the same when he dumped you. They just dont care about us anymore.

 

Also, things are going well with the new guy and I can sense there might be more in the future but you need to detach yourself from your ex.

Dont give in and up, lolita. Think about yourself!

Thanks Layla21

I wish I had seen your message before ...

I broke no contact last night ... we exchanged a few messages he is still working on himself . And not seeing anyone as I could understand .

I feel like I completely messed up. I even sent him a pix of my new hair. He told me I looked pretty and asked if I was sending that pic to every guys... why would he say that ?

He told me he had removed his social media without me asking for it. I asked why he never came around and he said " mixed emotions" what is that supposed to mean?

I feel horrible today. I shouldn't have contacted him. I almost ruined everything with the new guy bc both were texting at the same time and told him cos I was overwhelmed with emotions.

I drunk a lot too cos I have been pushing myself for 56 days and after speaking to him I cried so much I felt all these efforts were done for nothing.

And felt like I betrayed the new guy too .

I feel just awful . You guys were right when they say they felt terrible after contacting the ex. Now I know why.

I m back at NC.

Layla21 you should totally go for the hair changes. I was hesitant from being blond going to a dark brown but I got so many compliments that I feel like I made the right choice and thanks so much about the non smoking! Yeah your break up happened around the same time as mine! I feel you! Xmas is the worst time to be dumped!

But TiredofDating and you Layla21 should keep going on dates! TiredofDating, I hope your date will go well on Sunday ! Keep us posted ! It makes us feel desirable again and boost our self confidence! Lately I have requests from everywhere but I focus on one person at the time.

So I finally saw the new guy last night he really treated me like a princess ! It felt so good! We really have something btw us. He gave me a goodbye kiss that makes you crave for some more.

Now I was on my way back home with butterflies in my stomach when I don't know why I scrolled on my Fb and looked for my ex!

He removed himself from Fb! I m so worried ! I want to text him and ask if he is ok! He is probably struggling with his drug issues i m sad

I don't know what I should do? I don't have anymore an agenda bc I want to try with the new guy but I care so much for my ex that I m scared that if I text him he might think I want something and what if he comes back? I m lost ! What should I do? I feel so much pain knowing he is battling this thing alone !

Why would he removed his FB? He kept his IG but never updates it.

Please guys I ll be glad if you can tell me if I should or not break no contact ! Thanks

Day 53

Layla21 keep talking with the guy you have met online trust me it really helps. I don't know how long ago was your break up but mine was in November (last time I saw him 3 days after thanksgiving) but only started doing NC bc he had stringed me along for a while until he pulled the plug early January from where I ve decided to go no contact.

While he was all confused not knowing if he could be in a relationship while on drug recovery, I was talking to this guy just to keep myself busy and guess what we talk more and more and started to call each other often and he is the one I m going to finally meet. I had also went on one date with another guy and the date was horrible but at least, I was trying to force myself to go out and meet new people!

It might lead nowhere or it could get you in a better place. I don't take this guy as a rebound but more as a new potential for a relationship and screw my ex who didn't see it in me. I will never know if that recovery is even real. All I know, is that I should have listen to the red flags, that a guy with no job, living with his mom and do nothing all day long are surely not ready for any commitment! Like you I want to reach indifference, because I know one day we are going to bump into each other and I don't want to be weak. Keep it up guys and really try to focus on being a better version of yourself! I have quit smoking now for 21 days, I follow daily a squat challenge, I have beautiful new hair color! I m like a new person which was never related to the ex....

Just an observation, are most of the people actively posting right now aquariuses? I read my horoscope and it said relationships will prolly end. Isnt that creepy? All of us lost our SOs and all of us have a birthday in january??? Be strong guys!!! Always think of whats best for you and respect yourself!

Is it? Yes I m Aquarius too! I found this period even harder than the first 30 days! Like I m really nostalgic and only missing the good things about him! Like before I used to see the negative points. Now it seems only the positives ones are stuck in my mind and his beauty ! I almost caved in last night and took sleep aid instead and went to bed.

Day 50...

Layla21 Thank you for your message too! I have read in the forum that if your ex had a rebound you have to absolutely remain out of the picture bc keeping on interacting with your ex will make him getting closer to the rebound. It was quite interesting theory to read.

I m trying to motivate myself but some days I can't help but torturing myself of thinking about him. I keep having that image of him smiling at me the last time we saw each other and his text afterwards saying he was happy to see me and that he had missed me so much. It felt so good. What annoys me is that we live sooo close to each other but he has no purpose to come in my area so I have zero chance to bump into him randomly and we have no common friends.

Maybe after 60 days I ll try to initiate something but also it will depend on how I will feel with the new guy. We have been talking a lot but still never met.... sigh

Day 44

 

Guys, I miss him so much and am about to initiate contact. Why am I so weak today?

Even though I am hoping for him to message me, is it bad to open the communication line as a dumpee?

He is quite stubborn and due to our previous talks I mentioned that I dont have contact with any of my ex's at all because this is just how it went. However, it was always me being the dumper, now I am the dumpee for almost 3 months. Maybe that's the reason for him to never contact me, so maybe I initate something harmless (e.g. invite him to a game on some app we used to play together sometimes, was a LDR, btw), would that seem desperate? I dont plan on having an old good days talk or sth but just want to let him know I am okay, not mad, I dont hate or despise him and that he can actually contact me.

What do you think?

 

PS: I am aware I should keep NC for myself and I am doing it but at some point, maybe in a year, I reach indifference and am okay with even be friends. So I dont want him to see me as bitter and childish for just being gone (I just stopped talking and went straight into NC w/o telling him).

Layla,

I understand your urge to contact him but I think you should push yourself a little longer wait at least 60 days. 44 days for us is hard not for them. They are enjoying their space and time so it doesn't feel that long for them.

when much more time has passed, thats when they will feel it too! They will be like what's that little one doing .

A lot of my exes came back sometimes years after sometimes just like 2-3 months. I actually had one that came back recently but he is totally sending me mixed signals, he would openly flirt with me on social media but can't offer a date and I can't be bothered playing his silly game because i m not interested anymore. I just watch him amused from afar and wait on his next silly game.

I m not sure if my recent ex that got me to come here is the type of coming back. Plus I m guessing that when he will be out of his drug addiction recovery he will be a different person which I think he will never look back to the past meaning Looking back to date someone from his horrible past. I have to admit it to myself that I have very very little possibility with this one...

Hold on tight for a little longer, you never know, you might be surprised of the outcome either you won't need him anymore or either he could come back!

I m on 47 days!! And stronger and stronger everyday that passes !

Wow Honeybal

I m so proud of you!! It must have been so difficult for you to see him. You did well to leave before he started to engage a conversation! I thought of contacting him again about his clothes too but I wont be able to face him still. I will be scared to get the wound where I ve buried all my feelings opening up again, letting all these pain coming out again. Plus I don't think about him as often I used to do. Its like sometimes I force myself to think about him. Honeybal maybe your ex by being caught by surprise by you and you showing determination and that you really moved on might trigger him to recontact you... so be ready for it . It might not happen or it might. I m on 45 Days now and maybe on route for the rest of my life. Good luck to you if you won't come back to the forum anymore. Best wishes !

42 Days!

Time flies that's crazy and getting a little stronger every day! Like you guys I do stalk him a little well whatever is possible to see . But its useless because I don't really know what he is up to nowadays, if he is doing good with his recovery, if he has a job now, moved out from his mom... a friend of mine told me she used to date what she called a looser many many years ago, the guy was in a pretty much similar situation as my ex.. well she said she had heard from him no long ago and he still in the same situation. So that comfort me a little to know that the problem wasn't me but him! That in the event he would have find a rebound it wouldn't last.

But still it hurt to know that he lives so close to me and he never had the desire to pass by even just to see how I was doing in my new place or to simply pick up his clothes! I think if I do not hear from him after 6 month I will give his cloth away to the homeless of my street.

The new guy I m talking with his a total wack ! We keep talking for freaking long hours! last time was until 7am! He literally a great entertainment and it helps me to not think about my ex but at the same time I m really scared I would get attached and fall again for the wrong person and repeat the same mistakes and get my feeling crushed once again!

Boy ! can't believe it's day 40!

I m missing him like crazy. I can't cry but I wish I could! I wish I could relieve all these tentions ! But I listen to the "i will survive song " and it brings me strength how cheesy it might sounds ! Hard night tonight ... courage for the weekend everyone

I made a mistake I m actually ending day 38 !! Lol I can't believe I ve skipped one day counting of my no contact!

I have been distracted a lot with the new guy that keeps me on my toes but my heart belong to my ex still.

I know you guys told me to hold on the texting ... and I know it's too soon so I was thinking maybe within 60 days of no contact I might try to just talk about collecting his clothes once and for all.

The new guy is litteraly eating my brain!up! It's so dangerous it reminds me the beginning of my ex and I relationship ! Hit off like crazy for nothing at the end !

So forcing myself to get nobody inside my head and heart beside my ex who doesn't care lol how ironic !! And I know this isn't the right forum but 6 days smoking free too lol

Day 51

 

There was no spark with the date so I don't see the point in seeing him again. I feel better lately because I no longer wake up with the sinking feeling of not being with him, I don't check my phone for messages, and most days I go to bed feeling ok. I still cry but I embrace the crying. The more i feel everything and express everything, the faster I'll get over it.

I feel you, I went on a date early January I was so unready to meet someone new but I thought jumping into something new will help. That date was a total disaster, felt no sparks, no connection... right now I do have that with the new guy but as we haven't met I don't know yet if he could be someone who will makes me forget my ex. Deep down I still hoping that once he is healed from his drugs addiction he would look for me and why would he keep our photo still on social media? It makes no sense to me!

I m on Day 36 I think, I haven't cried for awhile thanks god. Honeybal the more you express the more you let it go.

This NC is so hard tho! But at the same time what to text them...

Day 50

 

That's great lolita! But remember to always focus on yourself, and try not to think about him. I feel great today. I was out on a date last night and I just felt great about myself. Felt bad for my date because I felt like I was using him for an ego boost. But it really helps! I love my ex still but this is the right thing to do.

Oh that's great that you went on a date maybe you will start developing some feelings for the new guy in course of the time ! At least it distracts you from thinking about your ex. And everybody needs a little ego boost sometimes !

I was talking with the new cute guy but he kept disappearing, one day I had enough and i told him I won't contact him anymore, Bc what's the point to try to get to know each other if he replies me days later . He gave it some thoughts about it and actually called me on Saturday we stayed 9hours on the phone! That was crazy and since that we talk every day all the time. So it helps not to think about my ex and also makes me hope that I could fall in love again .

Last night I really had the urge to contact my ex but I think it's all mixed up with the cigarettes cravings. I miss him still tho..

let's keep up and go on date and come here to heal and talk .

Day 48

 

Lolita if you really want to see your ex nobody is stopping you, maybe you should do it so you either get back together like you want, or finally move on when he rejects you again. If you can accept both outcomes then go ahead and contact him, but honestly I don't think enough time has passed for him to really miss you. If you want to meet someone new keep trying! In a years time we will all have moved on from this, I'm sure of it

 

Hi honeybal,

 

No it's like I want to see him, I mean yes of course I would die to see him but I don't want it to be initiated by me. I m pretty sure isn't seeing anyone and after talking to a friend about the whole story I came to analyse the break up on a different angle! Yes my ex needed his space to heal from his drug addiction and to chase his own demons. So I guess that in that case anyone would have broken up to focus on itself.

 

So I don't know I ll wait and see ... I m on 35 days NC and 3 days no smoking ! It's so hard ! I m less emotional these last days which is good cos weekends are always the hardest.

Day 47

 

Hi lolita! The no contact is not for your ex to come back, it's for you to try and move on. If you are doing all of this for your ex then you're missing the point of no contact! Be strong and think only of yourself! I would be lying if I didn't think like you at times, but I'm doing my best to focus on myself because I'm the most important thing in my life, not my ex. If I take a day off because I'm sad it's for me, not for my ex, switch your thoughts to doing things for yourself, not for your ex because at this point, to protect your own feelings just assume that he does not gaf about you anymore.

Thank you Honeybal and Layla 21

I agree that NC is for healing, taking care of ourselves and learn to live without them and move on. I just wish he would see these changes in me, maybe he does and remain quiet or as you say I should assume that he doesn't GAF about me anymore.

I guess I m a bit down too bc of the medication I m taking to quit smoking, it really messes up your brain!

I just want to be over these feelings that he surely don't deserve, I wish I would meet someone new, someone with a sparkly personality as him.

I wonder if he only knew that I am still in love with him and thinking about him. Maybe he thinks I totally moved on. I don't know ! good luck to everyone in this painful journey!

Day 32

I thought passing the dead line of the 30 days no contact would make me feel better and good about myself, but the true fact is I think deep down I thought that after one month my ex would reach out to me... I fooled myself and why it hurts so much its because 30 days down the road forces me to let go on hope. It feels like he is drifting further and further away from me and we will never be together again, I have to admit it and its so hard!. While we are counting the days and improving ourselves our ex are out there looking for a new match. I followed everything by the book, I did not contact him, I hide my social media so he couldn't see anything about me, I ve changed my hair color to the color he always wanted me to have (put a profile picture public just in case he took a peek at my social media) , I m working out and I m quitting smoking, I was starting to talk to a new guy which lead nowhere cos I have quickly realized he was another FCCBois! Basically giving him the gift of missing me.

So here I am very sad that all these hard efforts don't pay. I miss him so much ! If he even missed me he would have reached out at least to pick up his clothes, that would be the perfect excuse for him to reconnect but no...

I guess he never loved me, I guess he is totally fine without me in his life. Really hurt.

Sorry this is a really down day for me, I miss love

Day 30! I ve made it!

Happy single day for all of us here. 30 days no contact and yet had to fall on the most romantic day of the year! Making me feel more devastated and more alone than any other day.

Watching all my friends advertising their love ! I m happy for them but I wish I was happy for me !

I wonder if I will cross his mind at all today. Wonder if I ve got a new Valentine?!

I bet he won't even think a single second about me as he even forgot my birthday. I mean nothing to him anymore.

I still work out and started to quit smoking . My hair was a success but again I thought that would have given him the little push to contact me but no...

The new cute guy that I was supposed to meet is playing games and I can't deal with inconsistency man that appears and disappears. So I think I ll stop with this one and keep focusing on me and keep the NC as long as it takes me to heal or maybe forever sad day ! Cheers all of you! Good luck for today!

Celebrating my 27 days NC!

In 3 days I ll have accomplished the challenge! Today I change my hair! It looks amazing ! I feel like a brand new person! I didn't think of him much today! I hope tho he can see what he is missing now ! Hot brunette girl ! Ah!

Watch me getting better and get that hot body!! Next quitting smoking !! I m soon won't even recognize my own self either hahaha! Feels good!

I miss him tho ! Can't lie about that ... but let's focus on the 3 days left! Good luck guys it's f**** hard but we can do this!!!

24 Days!!!

I m so proud of myself for being so strong ! It's really getting closer to the 30 days and I started to think less about him. I started to do a squats challenge to rebuilt my body because I had lost so much weight because of the breakup that I got way too skinny.

I m also excited about the weekend I m changing hair color and might meet with a new cute guy! We started talking and I found him super interesting !

We all gonna be one day happy again! It's really really hard to move on but as other people have mentioned take this time to be a better version of yourself and set goals! It does help a lot. I guess I am on a upbeat day kind of mood but even if they don't last I enjoy feeling good again even for a short period of time.

Day 21

I don't want to post daily here and annoy everyone but I needed to vent a bit! I keep seeing him adding a bunch of girls on his IG ! It's hard to digest that he is for sure actively searching for a girl. Don't know if he looks for a relationship or just to F. As he told me he couldn't be in a relationship anymore and wanting nothing serious. You know they all say that when they realize that they are not that into you anymore. So it hurt a lot right now.

I can't do anything and just watch him silently finding his next victim .

I hate him so much for making me feel so vulnerable and so sad all the time!

How is it so easy for them and so hard for us.

I hope one day I will truly move on from those painful feelings!

I m back on dating app but a guy his playing hide and seek with me. So annoyed of that stupid game. Why relationships are so complicated nowadays. Nobody try to fix things they just walk away and find someone new and repeat same mistakes over and over. Sigh

20 Days.

Today it's hard I keep dreaming of him! It's like my brain won't let go on him! I feel a bit better about myself tho. Got a tan and booked hairdresser appointment for next weekend. I going to die my hair dark like he begged me so many times to do! Well guess what now I m doing it for me! Hope he will sees it and blow his mind! Lol

I m doing this with the hope that he will reach me but more of the start of a new me. Going to start running tmr again and planning to quit smoking once my hair is done. Sometimes I force myself to remember the moments he was on my nerves and how cheap he was and it helps...

Hi guys this my 17 days NC!

I thought it was getting easier, I spent 4 full days sick at home and I didn't think much about him although I had dreams about him 2 nights in a row but it didn't affect me much.

What made me sad and started to heavily think about him again, it's Bc i saw that he liked recently a few memes about girls being "h" meme which doesn't relate at all to our issues or the way our relationship ended! More like memes about girls dumping his poor a**** and seems pretty disgust about women at the moment... so that makes me think that he was probably seeing someone which probably dumped him when she realized that he was a total looser.

My guess is he is still living with mommy and no job ! I can't be sure 100% but that's what I m assuming. It hurts cos here I am joining a forum to heal and try to cope with NC while he was focusing on making it work with his rebound girl! at least karma paid back! I was a real good girl to him!

Do you think he will remember that? I m not sure! Men can't forget women who treated them poorly, it makes them want and chase them more! Sweet girls are just a good time left behind ... sadly true.

Well finishing day 14 entering to day 15!

I m proud of myself it was the weekend and usually it is the hardest time! but I didn't think much about him!

Actually, I have focused on myself cos ironically since the start of NC I have been sick ! Seems like the the toxicity of the relationship is coming out of me!

Tired tho to be sick! I wanna go out and have fun again!

But during these home time, thinking alone, I came up with a plan of action! And feel so good about it!

I plan to change my hair color not for him cos he have always asked me to do so but because I feel like it ! I ve cut off a lot of ppl in my life lately and moved out so I feel this is the perfect time to be a different me!

I'm going also quit smoking and get a little tan! Ready to embrace the new version of me!! I can't wait !

It's true what they say here once you have a plan of action, it switches the whole dynamic of the situation! It's about you not him!

Let me glow and be again my confident self! Don't care whether he will see it or not!