purpldreams

Alright, these stories are too rare so I'm gonna take some time to add my own story to this thread. Especially after reading the two previous posts.

I know I needed to read stuff like this back then, and I am thankful for this thread, helped during the hard times.

Ex and I started a LDR in October of 2015, brutal breakup (for me) that spanned over a couple months early 2016, until the real end in April 2016.

Did all the mistakes during that time period. Begged, pleaded, traveled to see her, etc... Went no contact the day after our final Skype mid-April, just sent her a video telling her everything I had forgotten to say the day prior, that I loved her, and that was it.

She commented on that same video two weeks later, I knew it was a breadcrumb (thank you internet) so I ignored it. Exactly a week after that, I get the text we all dream of. I took things very calmly, we had proper written and video discussions about the situation and saw each other again for the first time mid-May.

Next breakup, she ends things around January 2017. I don't fall into the same trap ofc, but I still tried to convince her that we should see each other in person before she takes her decision. She doesn't want to, so that's it. NC again.

In May, I break NC to let her know that I'm coming to her city for a few days, at first she said she wanted to see me but when I contacted her about it again once I was there, I could tell something was off. Eventually, we did meet for 10 minutes. After that, I get an e-mail telling me she's seeing someone (she told me a while before that she had made a promise to herself not to date anyone due to wanting to focus on all her projects, that's been a recurring theme for both breakups, her projects are always in the way).

I completely relapsed. I went back home earlier than planned because I couldn't take it. Cried my eyes out several times, even weeks after all of that had happened. Completely convinced I had lost her for good. Maintained NC.

Mid-July 2017, I get a very casual e-mail from her, giving me random updates about her life and saying she hopes I'm well. Breadcrumb, ignore it.

My Birthday is on July 30th so I knew it was only a matter of time until the next one. And ofc it happened. Not wanting to be rude, I say thanks, and explain I didn't reply to her first e-mail because I really didn't see the point.

Then she starts explaining herself, I can quickly tell she's trying to convince me that we should talk/see each other in the future, and she knows I'm moving to her city in a few months (for my job).

So yeah, fast forward, we get back together summer 2017. I moved early 2018, I'm super busy with having to handle all the constant deliveries, the furniture, etc... And I see no real effort on her end to see me. I had made it very clear that she would need to speak with her actions because her words didn't mean much anymore and she totally understood (at the time). Too many declarations that didn't mean anything in the end.

Communication is slowly fading, she's busy on her end with her projects, leaving her current job, etc...

Asks to see me mid-June at my place, we talk about random stuff for a while then get on the topic of our relationship. After just a couple sentences I can tell where it's going, she's decided to dump me again. I don't panic, saw it coming a mile away, I calmly try to convince her that we didn't even properly try despite living so close to each other now. Nothing will work, she clearly made her decision a long time ago.

She's about to leave, we kiss passionately, and that's it. A few texts over the next few days so that she can tell I didn't want this and I was ready to do what it took for us to be happy, didn't work ofc but I wanted her to know.

Two weeks NC (she sent a breadcrumb three days after my last text but I ignored it).

And yeah, every time it was the falling out of love thing, she doesn't see a future, she's too focused on her plans for her new job, etc...

But apparently her feelings are just too strong and she has kept coming back. However I doubt it will happen this time, if she left me without the long distance issue, I think she really means it. Not to mention she has completely crushed the last bits of trust I had.

It's been really hard but the previous breakups obviously made it much easier this time around, no tears.

Purpldream- that's an interesting situation. I can't give you an answer as to what is wrong or right. Only you know your situation but at the same time, she put a foot out the door of this relationship. There had to be some doubts about the relationship regardless if life stresses. It's human nature to seek companion and have it when riding through life. When someone pushes you away or does it slightly with a break, they are testing to see how single life is but keeping you close incase it's scary and awful out there. If it were me, I would have NC for at least a full month to give her that space so you can focus on you. You may want her and for it to workout but you also have to find a balance in having some power. NC does exactly that. But then again, I wear my heart in my sleeves and it's easier said then done

 

Thank you.

 

I really did want to do NC for a month, that was definitely the objective, I kind of panicked, I'll admit.

We had a casual chat on facebook following my message, I avoided everything I want to talk about, Skype will come later in the week.

Tind- maybe I'll check it out.

 

 

Today I started a healing journal. I finally got a notebook to write in. I'm going to fill it up with all my pain, feelings, quotes, and doodles. Also my revelations and all the stuff I come up with while introspecting. Not to mention my therapy stuff too.

I'm sick of feeling this way and need to get my head on straight and move forward. I've been still NC. Just having difficult time with my thoughts and emotions.

 

I hope you all know that picking up the pieces after being hurt is something courageous. There will be people in our lives that will never know that feeling and that's ok. Some day you will look back on this moment like a distant friend and realize how much courage you had to get up from the ground and stand on your own two feet. This journey to self healing is not about the destination. As cliche as that sounds! It's about the journey there. It's hard. You're going to feel hopeless. You'll cry and feel pathetic. You'll lose your dignity and feel worthless. But you are not. You are so important. Right now it doesn't matter what your ex thinks or said. What matters is what you say. You matter. Do not give them the power to dictate your worth. No matter what the reason was for what happened, use this time to self reflect. Introspect. Look at yourself and think of behaviors your wish you could change. Write it down. Live it. Breathe it. And understand what YOU could have done differently. Let your ex worry about what they coulda done. Just focus on you. If your partner cheated, well then don't blame yourself. Their actions has to do with their own personal issues. Realize that you have different values then what they have. You value trust and honesty. There's always something to improve on. Be the person you envision your partner being. An honest, trusting, hard working, loyal, fair person. What's meant to be will always find its way. Promise.

Very nice post. Thank you.

Broke NC today after 20 days, couldn't stand the situation anymore. As I mentioned before it's not an actual break-up, there was no real discussion about it and I am basically left with her words from 3 weeks ago: "the idea of a break-up terrifies me, I want to see this as a break, but I need to be alone at the moment". However I personally need it to be an actual break-up if that's what needed, because that limbo state is killing me. My peace of mind will be much greater after everything has been clarified. I will think a lot less about it, less questions unanswered, and more looking forward. And also, NC will make a lot more sense.

I left her a short, calm voice message, simply asking for a Skype session or that she calls me back when she can, just to talk. This way I can know what's on her mind, she can know what's on mine, and I get proper closure, if that's what's supposed to happen.

Tough situation. No real break-up, more like an undefined and strange break out of the blue. Part of me wants to ask her for a Skype session in order to clarify things in my head and know what's coming next, but I know it's too early, I want to wait at least 30 days to see if he she comes back first, whether it's with bad or good news. I am not stupid, I know her perfectly, and I know what break can mean, so lots of questions need to be answered and there is a difficult conversation ahead (and a very long NC behind it if things go bad), but I will remain patient for now.

Today (day 18) was pretty hard. Some days are definitely harder.

Basic NC is the easy part now though, the hard part for me is to avoid stalking and the disappointment at the end of each day, when not a single e-mail, text or facebook message had her name on it.

A week ago she liked one of my posts on Instagram and she doesn't follow me so she had to come on my profile to see it. My heart jumped in my chest, but now it's a week later and nothing, so it clearly wasn't a sign.

Still have her on facebook but she doesn't share anything on it, however she is pretty addicted to the chat function and I know all her weekly schedule with work and the gym, so some days, when I see that her last time on the chat was 4 hours ago and it's midnight for example, or she comes online late after hours off, I know she went out/saw someone. Could be anyone. That's hard, really messes with your mind. I know she won't look for a serious relationship with anyone else, so I try to tell myself that if there is sex, it's just sex but... Yeah, that's hard, because it would mean she also kinda lied to me about that break.

(amazing forum btw, thanks to everyone)