theanongirl89

Hey,

It's been more than 5 months of NC at all. I don't stalk your social media anymore. Like... 3 months.

It's hard. Being with you for sooooooo long and now being total strangers... It's shocking. You wanted me to get over you in three weeks (after FIVE years of being together).

I know you don't even remember me. But almost nine months after the break up, I still dream and think about you. Almost everynight there is this constant dream that you find me and I run from you. You start chasing me and I keep running away from you. But last night I dreamt you asked me to start all over again. To forgive you.

Damn. I think I won't ever get over you. I wish, but I can't. I truly loved you. I still do, I guess. I guess I won't stop loving you, and I know it doesn't stop hurting. I just learnt to live with this pain, everyday. And I do fine. But sometimes, when the memory of you pushes me too far, I give in into our memories and I start getting anxiety again. Not as bad as before, but still. The anxiety is there.

It is clear you truly moved on and you're happy. I wish I could do the same.

Well I am actually having a setback. Since my birthday, I think. It hurts right now, but I know it will pass too. I feel awful right now. I haven't even looked at their social media (I promise! I don't do it anymore). It just hit me like a rock that day: he didn't even remember my birthday.

I just feel like I won't have connection with someone again. I am truly afraid he was the love of my life, my first and my last.

How do I stop thinking that way? I'm still so naive... I turned 25 on 9th august, and he was my first kiss and blablabla. I feel like everyone is already in love and I'm alone in a big scary world where I can't trust people. A huge part of me tells me I won't love again.

I miss him these days. My best friend moved to his neighborhood and it's the worst. She's my BEST FRIEND since I was 15, I can't stop visiting her. Yesterday was her birthday and I went to her house for the first time. Her house is located SO CLOSE to his house... I was on the subway, and when it arrived to my station (his station, I used to go there SO many times... I mean, it's where he lives), I just couldn't function. I couldn't move or get up from the seat, so I just didn't get off on at the stop... I was paralized. So I had to go back and get on the subway again and this time I could get off the station. I called my friend and she picked me up, I was having a huge anxiety attack. But she calmed me (not only she's my best friend, she is a psychologist, and she calmed me very quickly. But his house it's like... VERY close to her house. I am SO afraid someday I will meet him... He will think that I'm spying on him or something. The fact is that I completely refuse to hang with my best friend in the whole world, just for him.

I think all this is making me feel worse. Since I was near (so so so close) to his house... It's just terrible. In fact, outside the station is where he ditched me like garbage, screamed at me and told me that I should commit suicide if that's what I wanted.

I feel like his old self would punch this new person right in the gut.

I'm not in square one, though, I still haven't cried so that's good.

Having a minor setback, I think. First holidays in six years without you. My birthday just passed and I felt so alone... Like never before. I pretended I was ok. In fact, I'm pretty good at pretending I'm over you. But you didn't even get in touch. Hell, probably you didn't even remember it was my birthday.

I wish I could be like you: get into another relationship like the previous one didn't even exist.

 

Broken up 25 days today. The break up was a little ambiguous at the time (or at least I assumed she wasn't really serious), so I gave her 5 days breathing space and then contacted her again by e-mail. It was then that she confirmed that as far as she was concerned, we had broken up, and she had no intention of changing her mind. I said fair enough, told her my feelings hadn't changed (so she knew where I stood), wished her the best and said I wouldn't be in touch any further.

 

 

I've kept to that, so I've had 20 days NC now. The first two weeks were hell (especially the first), with random bouts of crying, and a real inability to concentrate and get anything done. The last week has been better; I've gone several days without tears now and I've been able to do some basic work stuff, though I'm still way below normal functionality. I still think about her and the situation for the vast majority of the time, but at least it's not literally every minute now, as it was before.

 

 

Yeah, the pretence that everything was fine really blindsided me. I did know there was an ongoing issue with her ex, i.e. that she had regained some feelings for him when spending a lot of time one-to-one with him, but for the few weeks before the break up she'd deliberately cut him out of her life for that reason (or so she said; not sure if I really believe that now). She continued to give such strong indications of love, though; even in the last meeting where we apparently broke up, we were kissing and cuddling initially and there was no suggestion of anything wrong, before we got into an argument and started talking about being unhappy. Really odd how someone can go from that to not ever wanting to see you again in a matter of minutes.

 

 

I will remain in NC for the time being, though our situation is complicated by the fact that she works for me a on contract basis, and she has a couple of contracts pending. I've been putting those off for as long as possible, and will continue to do so, but realistically in September I'm going to have to meet her again in a work context. Dreading it, to be honest; this is a situation in which I really would prefer never to see her or have to talk to her again at this point.

I'm so sorry! But you haven't been broken up for a long time, actually it's just 25 days. It's normal you feel like you can't do anything. Expect the next months to be like that, but don't even think that it's not normal, feeling like you're not moving on. You are, but you don't realize it yet. They pretend like everything's fine and then, bam! They're gone. Don't force yourself to feel OK. It's okay not to be okay. You can cry, and you can scream and you can be in your bed crying until sleep. You will see that, eventually, you get tired of feeling like that... And then it gets better. Don't bottle up your feelings. FEEL. When you see her, ignore her. I know I'm asking for too much right now... But ignore her as much as you can.

A calm sea never turn a pirate into an expert sailor!

Polaris, are you NC? I don't know why people can di that. Pretend everything's perfect the day before dumping you. How long it's been since your BU?

It's so weird when this happens.

 

If it helps, I married one who adopted my skin as a costume and I couldn't tell. Total FAIL. Thank your lucky stars.

It's so so weird. I don't know if he was pretending for five years or he's pretending now. He was humble and kind, now he's changed a lot. He's a total stranger. He does things he never did, he has a lot of money but he never bragged about it. Now he does. All the time with his new gf. It's so so so weird. We used to watch movies while eating pop corn all alone, in our "nest" (we piled a lot of pillows and blankets and we called it our "nest"), and listen to music on our room. We were happy just like that. Now he buys expensive sh*t he doesn't need, and brags a lot about everything. I don't really know how a person can change so much in six months. It's ridiculous. He's so shallow. It really brings me down, that the person I met is not in this Earth anymore...

Oh god. You went to the graduation of your master's degree with her... But you refused to go to our college graduation two years ago. Now you wear expensive clothes, listen to dubstep (omfg you used to listen to punk rock and indie... happened), go to parties, and say words like "so cool" (in English, when we speak in Spanish...). You don't speak English. All the English you know you learnt it from me. You're pretending to be someone you are not. What's wrong with you. I actually feel like I don't know you at all. I miss the old you, the new you sucks.

I hate that I still love you. Not in love anymore, I just miss us. But I don't miss the monster that lives inside of you.

I almost called you yesterday. I was drunk, but my friends grabbed my phone and I couldn't. I can't thank them enough for that. It would have destroyed all the progress I made... Two whole months of NC. But I miss you, and I realized that even after 6 months, I'm not over it. I'm still thinking about you, and you probably don't even remember me.

Terrible night. I dreamt about you and her together, you were dumping me all over again. Today it hurts. I had to listen to your voice telling me how much she means to you, how I meant nothing to you...

F*ck YOU! .

This is what I'm secretly hoping will happen to my ex.

Wait and see, the lack of respect for people and the guilt do horrible things to your physical appearance.

I just saw two pictures of you. What happened? You were so handsome, so fit. You getting a lot fatter made me feel a lot better.

Thanks, douche.

you ing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you, idiot. Even if you left me heartbroken, even if it's unhealthy to miss you! I do really miss you. I wish you would come back.

I miss you. I wish you would come back.

My life, after all you have done to me, I still love you. I still think about those amazing five years. I miss you. It's been 22 days without talking to you and I really want you to miss me, but I know I shouldn't. I should be angry. I should hate you.

The worst part of it all is that I don't. That I still wake up trying to find you in my bed. I wish you would come back. I confess. In my dreams you're asking me to try again with you. Every song has your name, every single thing here reminds me of you.

I miss you.

Always.

I ve almost finishes wrinting my suicide letters. Yours is the one that's missing, because it's so damn hard to write. You don't deserve my death, and I don't deserve this ty life without you. Guess we have a paradox.

Please DON'T DO IT! You have people who loves you!!!!!!!!!!! If you needed a sign to not do it, THIS IS IT!