JustPeachy111

I'm almost 2 months post breakup. I'm in my early 30's, and my ex is in his late 30's. He broke it off very suddenly before we were supposed to get together for a date night in a fit of "I don't know, I don't know what it is, I don't know what I want...." and expressing fear over how he has no time to give a relationship the next few months due to a major project for his work. (Being more advanced in the same career as him -- I actually kinda sympathize with the latter though I'm still sad especially given we had discussed that I understood why he needed to give that a lot of attention). I did all my begging, attempted negotiating, etc during our very long breakup talk. (At one point he raised the idea of going on pause for the next few months, but at my age, I wasn't eager to do that--too much power in his camp). Have been completely no contact since then and even though it still stings, I found this was the first week I could talk to friends about the breakup and actually laugh a little about how ridiculous his reasoning was. And that I could console myself feeling assured I did everything possible to make our time together positive, fun, un-stressful, and free of incidents that would leave a bad memory of me.

 

 

So, on to the topic of this thread. This is not a reconciliation story per se, but it does lend credibility to the notion that if you treated someone well and with respect, it's hard to forget you:

Between the end of high school and all throughout college, I was in a messy on-again, off-again LDR--he'd pick arguments with me about all sorts of stuff like how much I studied, why I didn't have a different set of friends, why I didn't visit him more at his college. At one point he went so far as to say that he could visit me at my college but I prioritized school "too much." (fast-forward: doing great in my career. No regrets there.) We argued a ton, usually with me on defense for things no one should have to defend when they are truly loved and respected for who they are. I don't know how/why I put up with it except I was super young--between 17 and 21 years old as this all unfolded--and far more book-smart than I was socially-smart or dating-smart. I went NC on him my junior year, and of course it was after I'd stopped thinking about him that he crawled back and we got back together again. Well, during my senior year, I was visiting his campus for a grad school interview, and i had planned the trip so I could stay over through the weekend and see both him and one of my friends from high school. Well, thank goodness for my friend from high school, because he blew me off the whole weekend except for an hour for breakfast my last day there. I was shellshocked, and I soon learned that he had started dating someone else before I ever made that last visit. Of course, when he came clean about having a new gf, he had started dating her "after" my visit according to his version.

 

Tried to stay "friends" with him for about 2 years after this (and by this, I mean, intermittent IMs, etc -- we weren't in the same city) after that until I finally snapped. He was still with the new girl, and while I knew I no longer wanted him, I was sick of being angry and pretending I had forgiven him when he had never really apologized. I cut him off on FB and every other communication modality that existed in the era of 2007. This is what followed since...

 

-- 10 months after cutting him off, I got a text wishing me well for the holidays. I think this is when he realized I had cut him off. I didn't respond.

-- 5 years later, I got a FB friend request from him. I was suspicious and did some investigation. We were living in the same city at this point, and it turned out his fiancee (the one he had cheated on me with) had dumped him. I deleted his request.

-- Another year after that, I got an email. He had seen me on a friend's facebook album and was writing as if nothing bad had ever happened, and that he "looked forward to catching up." I ignored it.

-- Saw him out at a few parties in the months after that. Ignored him. He later purposefully came to a party where he knew I was and talked to me in a way that was clearly intended to needle me. I responded calmly and briefly without acknowledging the snark. (This was the first time we had said any words to each in person since college!) I was fuming mad but didn't show it to him.

-- Now, 3 years after the last time I saw him -- and a total of almost 12 years since college -- he reached out AGAIN trying to get my attention.

 

I don't wish him badly -- at this point, I'm indifferent because i know we are not compatible. I'd have been willing to give being friendly/friends a shot if he could have shown he was capable of being genuine, but that's not his character. In any case, it has been gratifying proof that I am not forgettable. That was my fear as a 21 year old girl (and I guess as a 30-something, that's my fear with the latest ex). I would love to travel back in time, give that heartsick 21-year-old-me a hug, and assure her that in the future he'll DEFINITELY feel sorry and feel the burn of his decisions.

 

Haha! Even years later. Just goes to show how great you must've been.

 

I've had an ex break up with me multiple times over a 7 year period. He always came back after a few weeks or a few months of me doing NC. One time we were broken up for just over a year (he continued to text me the entire time though sporadically). Last time we broke up (I ended it for good) was 2 years ago...he has a new GF now, and stopped texting me when things got serious with her, but it took another year after our final break up 2 years ago for him to stop messaging me. And he had already been with his new gf for a few months while he continued to message me. However, he was a cheater (but I didn't find out till after) so I made the right decision. It is still somewhat of a reconciliation story because we did get back together several times. In this case he did not grow and change, so it didn't work.

 

I have seen many cases where people did change on a break up and get back together and it lasted.

 

Here is one: a couple I know of in their 40's: They were together 2 years, met online. He cheated on her, she found out and ended it. 8-10 months later they got back together (not something I'd recommend in this case). Not sure of the details or who contacted who. They've been together for the passed 6 months and going strong. They both seem happy.

I have a few to share. I have lots actually but will just post the first two that come to my head, for now.

1. My best friend (a very pretty girl) in high school. It was the summer before the last year of high school, and this guy who was a very charismatic, ladies man (full out known womanizer actually), Mr. Popularity, bright blue eyes, very wealthy family, the one who got the party going, everyone loved him....you know the type), well he comes back from his first year of University. After searching the hunting grounds of home, Mr. Popularity decides he is going to date my friend for the Summer. He explained to her right off the bat, that this was a Summer thing only and they would have to call it off at the end of Summer. My friend went for it, but secretly hoped it would turn into a long term relationship, as she fell hard for Mr. Popularity right away. She had the most amazing, fun Summer of her life! They were living it up and partying big time, and doing so many fun things, that she would never get to do normally (her family was the opposite of wealthy, and she lived with her dad, only child of a divorced family). At the very end of the Summer, he cheated on her, with the girl he dated the Summer before (who also came from a wealthy family, and who snubbed it in my friend's face), and he also called it quits, as it was time to go back to Uni. My friend was devastated. I could tell she was very hurt, she kept to herself for the final grade of school (it was a small town), and hated having to face the stuck up girl and her friends everyday. After the last year of high school, the graduation came, and Mr. Popularity comes back for the Summer. The guy didn't call my friend. He actually had the nerve to try to make the same deal with me (I blew him off), so he dated "some other girl", not that great looking of a girl either I might add. Well, my friend just moved forward, got into another relationship, and got married within a year. That's where I personally lost touch with her for a few years. It didn't work out with the young marriage, the guy cheated on her, and she left and filed for a divorce within months apparently. She then dated another man for a few years, apparently he was physically\mentally abusive, and used her, and treated her horribly. She called her dad after a few years of that nightmare, he came and got her out of there -dad to the rescue!, She had nothing, and was luckily able to move in with other family, in a remote area on a farm (about 2 hours away from our hometown). By chance, after she goes to stay with family, guess who runs into her dad? (Btw, It is now 6 years after high school). Well it's the charismatic Mr. Popularity guy from the Summer that she fell for. I guess Mr. Popularity had asked her dad (when he ran into him) how she was doing, and got the number where she was staying (we didn't have cell phones in high school back then either). Well Mr. Popularity called her, and started visiting her out on the farm every weekend, and now, 10 years later, they have 2 beautiful kids, I was the maid of honour at their wedding 5 years ago, and Mr. Popularity and Mrs. Popularity are a true Cinderella story and are still super happy!!

2. For people in their mid 30's! Some of my best friends now! Well I had just met them (I was in my later 20's at the time, they are both a bit older than me, and were in their mid 30's. Anyhow, so about 7 years ago, I started dating this guy, and I of course met all of his friends. Well one of his friends, was apparently dating this girl that he wasn't really into (as mentioned both were in their mid 30's at the time). They dated for about 4-5 months, but he just wasn't into it, wasn't that attracted to her etc etc, when I had met him, he had sort of called it off with this girl, so I did not get to meet her for a month or two, as I was new to that group of people. Well we were all out for the evening (big group of us) and apparently she was at the same place we were out at (coincidence). Well he brings her back to party a bit more at his place, we were all going there. He still wasn't really into her, I think he just wanted to "hook up for the night". She ended up hanging out a few more times though, as she had apparently fallen for him straight away for the first 4-5 months before he called it off, and she had her ways. Then, right after I had met her, it turned out she was pregnant! OMG right?? Well, the guy was honourable, and was willing to step up to the plate, and they moved in right away. Unfortunately she did miscarry, however, they stayed together. It took him a while but he fell in love with her too, they got married 3 years ago (I was a Bridesmaid at their wedding), and they are one of the strongest couples I know! He always tells everyone how much he loves her, and he shows it with every move he makes. They are extremely happy!

If I think of any more, I will post them.