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Apprentice (3/14)

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  1. I reached out to a crisis center for abuse, obviously they were alarmed by all of the red flags. They have a group meeting next week and they want me to do an intake and go to the meeting, so I'm going to start there. I will be able to play it off as a work meeting. Today he snapped over the most ridiculous thing...went to the store to get a few things, he asked for mayo, I got the "wrong one" and then his response (in front of the kids) was "don't buy me things I don't ask for" and he threw the mayo I got in the trash. Totally extreme. Whatever he's going through I can't do this anymore, especially with the kids getting older. Just know I read all of these responses and I truly appreciate constructive feedback. I know I've enabled him for a LONG time, mostly because he is in a position to take the kids from me (financially better off/could get a better lawyer). I hope that the screen shots I have of his comments across the years will be enough, I also hope he doesn't take retaliation on my kids, it really worries me. He has never escalated to physical abuse but I am concerned he could if he feels threatened enough. I don't think he has any inkling that I would actually consider leaving him. I am going to be wiping my browser history after this but will try to come back to read any other comments. Thank you.
  2. I'm going to ask him about it further today, try to get to the root of the reasoning. We've actually been having sex more (?) so IDK what to think, but I can't sit around wondering forever, and I am hoping that he will open up to me. He has been emotionally abusive in the past, but I'm not convinced this is along the same lines. IF he doesn't open up about the real reasoning and searches for excuses and lies, then that is going to be a motivator for me to make a plan. I think he at least owes me the truth after everything we've been through and all of the times I've stretched myself to make things work. He is very reactive to changes and we did move to a new house in March, so I'm wondering if that may be a factor. He's gained A LOT of weight this year as well...to the point that my family was concerned about him during their last visit. Maybe it is like a few of you said, and no matter what, he will never be fulfilled by this marriage and just stays in out of convenience.
  3. I've has many "last straws" and I guess have duped myself into giving in time and time again so I so blame myself a bit. Of course around our mutual friends and family he is totally doting, makes sweet posts about me and even just us together he mostly is really kind and easy going. It is that 1% that is just so extreme when he makes these destructive decisions that kills it all.
  4. Supposedly when they are at school and I'm at work. We do work opposite schedules but still have sex a few times a week. I say supposedly because who knows when he actually will do it, personally I'd be so embarrassed to be in his shoes, but I guess he feels justified.
  5. He actually did suggest I get a Male version for when we can't have sex and I said no freaking way and that I think it is insanely creepy to hump a doll...definitely agree he must have a fantasy to have sex with someone else and this is how he is acting it out. If it were really for me, he wouldn't be so veiled about it.
  6. I really appreciate this perspective. From where we were a few years ago we have made progress. However, like you said he never seems fully happy or fulfilled. I know he has always struggled with depression and anxiety, but it isn't an excuse for the lack of communication and honesty. Even if this was just a fetish for him I'd be ok with that, but I definitely feel he is holding something back, especially to the point that he is keeping it in a locked trunk. I have some thinking to do. I know this isn't healthy (hence therapy) and at a certain point how much more can you give...even when you love someone.
  7. No, he doesn't. That incident happened 6 years ago and he was diagnosed with a disorder that causes him to have outbursts due to big transitions (moving/children/etc). He manages his anger well now.
  8. To be "fair" the woman he took that trip with never had sex with him and as it eventually turned out she was extremely upset that he hadn't told me clearly what they were doing, she is not attracted to him and was really embarrassed about the entire thing. Maybe lies, who knows, but as far as that situation is concerned I've put it behind me. The few posts I've made here are a snapshot of ty situations in my marriage that I can't talk to family members about. Maybe it is time for me to move on but I try to work on things before jumping to that. I admit this is bothering me more than I want it to though, especially after everything I've gone through with him already. I can agree it seems a bit of a control move, maybe.
  9. I appreciate this. I think there might be something he wants to act out on the doll that he's afraid to ask me to do, maybe? Not sure. He assures me it isn't me and is 100% him...I'm just trying to mentally come to some kind of understanding of it but still feel hung up.
  10. That particular situation was resolved through therapy. We have made progress, so I'm hoping to find some resolution with this situation as well.
  11. Thank you. I feel like it wasn't my place to say yes or no (he's an adult), but I guess the fact that he went as far as to save for it and buy it just bothers me. If it was ANY other sex toy (literally) I think I'd be fine with it, but this is just so extreme. As I said, him returning it won't really "solve" anything either so I feel a bit stuck emotionally on this one. Plus, I feel turned off to sex with him now in a sense because I'm wondering if he's "comparing" sex with me to what he does with the doll. It is a 100% perfect and VERY realistic sex doll. He swears it has nothing to do with me that he got it and that he's happy with me but man I really can't help but feel he is skirting around a bigger issue. I'd rather have honesty and take a hit to my ego if he isn't as attracted to me now than have him lying about why he got the doll to begin with...
  12. My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We have been through a lot, but with counseling and opening up communication we have been able to make progress in our relationship. We have two children. We both work full-time, but are still able to have sex or be sexual at least a few times a week. Over the last year he has brought up the idea of a "real doll" for himself...and he finally purchased one. I guess I'm glad he didn't hide it, but I just find it weird, and beyond a normal "toy." I have "toys" but they don't go as far as an anatomically perfect male life size doll. I really tried to talk to him and get down to why he wanted it to begin with, and he claims that it's for when we go long stretches without sex because of work, and so that he can "practice" for when we do have sex so that he doesn't get over-excited - basically to build up some stamina. To an extent that makes sense, but what's wrong with a fleshlight or regular masturbation? When I bring that up, he says he will just return it then....but that isn't the point. Returning it won't address why he wanted it in the first place...and I feel like it goes beyond masturbation? He bought a large container to keep it in our closet (with a padlock). I just find it SO weird...and I am not sheltered sexually, I have many of my own toys. IDK I guess I need some thoughts, what you all would think in this situation. Again, I am grateful he didn't hide it from me, and I realize it is a material item and not a real person, but I can't help but feel some sense of insecurity. TIA!
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