BlondeAmbition

Preface: My bf of nearly two years broke up with me due to various reasons, one being our personality differences...but more importantly, our constant fighting, which was largely due to my issues with anxiety/inability to control my emotions and impulses. He was so patient and kind, but even nice guys have their limits. I drove him away, and it's awful. This poem represents my inner turmoil. My tears are the ink for my emotional pen.

I think I’ll stay in bed today,

And hide beneath my quilt

Can’t force a smile

Or fake denial

No, today…I sleep with guilt.

I think I’ll cry alone today,

And let each tear drop stain

The pillow that sinks into my face

Salty shots of self-disgrace

Today, I taste my shame.

I think I’ll wear your shirt today,

Drench my skin with your sweet scent

And just like a martyred masochist

I’ll torture myself, and reminisce…

Today, I wear lament.

I think I’ll drink cheap wine tonight

Until my heart numbs, forgets,

The taste of your lips

On the small of my hips

Today, I kiss regret.

I almost saw the sun today,

Almost, and yet, not quite,

He peaked and peered,

Then disappeared,

And sank into the night.

I almost laughed aloud today

The sound felt faint, and weak,

But that smile, while brief,

Soaked up the grief

That saturates my sorrowed cheeks

I think I’ll try to wake today

But sun, I feel so weak…

“My dearest friend,

Come take my hand,

And as we rise,

You’ll understand

The strength you’ve been

So desperate to find

Already dwells within your mind

Time moves slow

But, it’s on your side

Each day will bring

More hope, new light

Don’t suffer in silent solitude

Turn to friends for fortitude

They’ll remind your

Heart just how to laugh

And with time,

You’ll learn to grasp

The wisdom tucked beneath the blue

With sadness, with tears

Comes focus and view

Next time your heart feels

Punched to death

Take deep breaths,

And close your eyes…

You’re stronger than you realize.