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You may have other reasons- but in the way of attempting to assuage your crush, I wouldn't count on it to prove successful. You may just long to see her more and more and it will be worse when you return- in fact that's a probability.

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Hmm, though 'absense makes the heart grow fonder', it can also be 'out of sight, out of mind' It can work either way. The question is, will you have fun if you go on that vacay? If it means getting stuck with your aunt and mom and feel like a third wheel the whole time, then just stay, get a summer job/volunteer to occupy yourself. If you think it'll be fun and you'll get to do stuff, go.

 

As for the pervert comment, lol. Don't feel like that. Just set boundaries and you'll be ok.

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So you think it could have the reverse effect? Well if I came back having it worse the vacation would pretty much have been without sense and cause and I would have endured the boredom for nothing I’ll think about what I will do but I think I’ll tell my mother that I won’t be coming with her. Having the house all by myself for the summer could be an interesting experience, I have never been left alone that long time before. I suppose I’ll have to learn how to cook other food than spaghetti now (when my mother was on her trip I ate spaghetti every day to dinner, and some days for breakfast too as I had forgotten to buy some bread

 

I'm very fond of E, I grow fonder of her with every time I see her so even if she never would be interested in something more it wouldn't change the friendship. But do you think there is a chance that E could be gay even though she says she’s not? I never developed a gaydar as I hardly know any homosexuals in person. Is what happened on the picnic a pretty sure sign that she never would be interested in something else and maybe even detest the idea of it?

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I think E felt some strange feelings that day, things that she'd never felt before. Something similar happened to me when I was 16. My friend invited me to her 21st party. The other guests there were all family. When they went to take photos she stood behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. I had the strangest feelings run up and down my back. I didn't know what was happening to me. I'd never felt them before and I've never felt them since. It was like electricity running down my back. The strange thing is I was never interested in her.

 

That's the same girl I ended up sharing a double bed with on holiday later that year and I was so scared that something else strange would happen that I slept (actually I didn't sleep, I was too scared) facing away from her all night, and cuddling myself. I thought at least I know where my hands are if they're around me.

 

E needs time to think about what happened. Unfortunately, the only person she could talk about this to would be you, but she knows that's not the best idea since it was with you she felt it.

 

Eventually she'll realise what happened to her, but it could take a very long time for her to understand. All I can advise you to do is be patient.

 

Good luck

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assume nothing, except for one: assume she's straight unless she says otherwise

 

Yes you are right. I should believe her words and don’t assume anything but that she’s straight.

 

I told E that I was planning to stay home during the summer. I asked her in joking manner if she would have been much sad and missed me if I had gone.

E: “What you choose to do with your summer doesn’t concern me.”

I guess not then. Well I told her which anime series the anime girl had and asked her if she would like to come the next time I was going there. She said no.

Me: “Don’t you want to get some friends?”

E: “Don’t try to make me more social, I don’t like when people try to change me.”

She said that she enjoyed being alone a lot and that if she sometime needed some company she had several siblings she could visit. Then she said that if I wanted to be with a more social person I could just go to my other friends instead of boring myself to death with her. I thought this was an indirect demand of space so I asked her if she wanted more space and said that maybe it was better that we didn’t see each other that often then.

E: “It’s your choice if you come here or not. If you do – fun, if not – it’s also okay.”

She said that she didn’t need a friend who pitied her and that if it was pity which brought me there she would do just fine without me. Well I said that I never pitied her but that if my company was a bother to her I wouldn’t trouble her any longer. We were silent for awhile. Then she approached me and cupped my face with her hands, looked at me and smiled. Well I could live on that for a week, I really like when she smiles at me.

E: “Okay, I’ll come along to [the girl with the anime series].”

She said that I didn’t need to worry about if she needed more space or not because she would tell me herself if that was the case.

 

When I came home my mother asked me what telephone number E had. I told her that E had no telephone or mobile. She got very angry thinking that I lied right in her face. Well for about one, two weeks ago I asked E for the number myself when she told me she had none. She thinks it’s a waste of money to own a telephone when nobody is going to call her anyway and says she much prefers talking face to face. Well my mother says she’s going to look the number up in the internet as I “refuse” to tell her what it is, lol. Well she won’t find it, I wonder what she wants it for.

 

Well maybe I will manage to get E to meet some people, but one cannot force E to anything if she really doesn’t want to. But she will at least come with me to the anime girl; I will see how that goes. And my crush, I suppose I just need time to move on, I will let time have its course. I’m probably thinking the crush as a bigger problem than it really is, I’m just unused to have one so the experience scares me a little.

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mhm I wonder what your Mother's upto now? It sounds very fishy to me. Maybe she's trying to find E's address? Have you told her you're staying at home yet?

 

I suggest you mention to your Mother that you're going around to your new friend's house to watch anime. If she asks if E's going just say you don't know because last time she was very bored and wasn't interested in making friends.

 

E's cupping your face now...mhm. Well I've done that on many occasions before I've looked into my fiancee's eyes and kissed her passionately. I've never had any friends that have cupped my face. Has anyone on here ever had that happen to them? Well whatever she did that for doesn't matter, but it proves she doesn't mind touching you.

 

 

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I've never had any friends that have cupped my face. Has anyone on here ever had that happen to them?

 

It's happened to me, being the "cupper" and the "cupee", all instances platonic. Then again, I'm a physcially affectionate person and my friends are generally likewise... it's is quite something coming from E, another step farther from being a reserved introvert, so yay for her! And yay for you

 

It's cute how you always manage to convince her against her wishes (meeting your mom again, going to anime girl's house) lol

 

Re your mom, you could do as per Tigris' advice, sound advice there, but just to give another option: I was thinking you can just casually give your mom the address voluntarily, so she won't think you're hiding something (sheesh, your mom's really paranoid) and add that when E does gets a phone, you'll give her the number. I encourage you to say you two are hanging out at anime girl's house for an anime marathon. My worry about you saying E's not interested in going is that your mom might think, ah so it's just you she wants to hang out with being her lesbian target and all that. So by showing E's willing to have more friends, it may reassure your mom (not unless she'll think, "Now 2 lezzies are after my daughter" lmao).

 

On a different topic, I'm not a super fan of anime, but try to watch Spirited Away, one of the best I've seen.

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Have you told her you're staying at home yet?

 

Yes my mother knows that I’m staying and she didn’t make it a big deal, she knows that her sister wants her by herself and that I would feel like the third wheel so it wasn’t a big surprise when I said I wouldn’t come.

 

mhm I wonder what your Mother's upto now? It sounds very fishy to me.

 

I don’t know why she wants E’s number, maybe she wants to be able to check her while she’s gone (I think E is lucky to not own a phone

 

give your mom the address voluntarily, so she won't think you're hiding something

 

My mother already knows the address (I gave it to her when she asked me a couple of weeks ago). Well I told her that I would give her the number when E buys a phone. She said she was sorry for not believing me before, she figured out that I was telling her the truth as she couldn’t find the number neither in the telephone book or in the internet, lol. I’m going to play the hurt daughter a little bit longer, bad conscious could do my mother good .

 

"Now 2 lezzies are after my daughter"

 

Lol, your comments are really funny sometimes, I can’t stop laughing at that done… Well I don’t think my mother worries about the anime girl, she only minds those who look gay, lol (well if I wrote a platonic poem about the anime girl and put it in my bureau that could change I told her that E and I are going watch anime with the anime girl at her house right after it was decided, just to show her that I’m not hiding anything from her. And my mother knows that E isn’t the only person I spend time with, I use to visit my other friends a lot too and they come over to see me, three of them visited me Wednesday this week.

 

try to watch Spirited Away, one of the best I've seen.

 

I have seen it too, it’s one of the few I own myself, I’ll take it with me and see if they like it too.

 

oh and happy cupping faces wayfara

 

Thank you, it really took me with surprise when she suddenly approached me and did that. It was one of the first times she has touched me without me tickling her first, I felt like spellbound while looking at her. But I try not to read too much into it, I don’t think she was trying to be romantic (I’m almost certain that if I told her it could be interpreted that way she would be offended, an accusation for having been romantic, no she wouldn’t have liked that). We kind of had an argument right before and she probably just wanted to show that she wasn’t mad at me. I think she treats me as she would a little sister, tied me up as she did to her little brothers, gave me cookies because it worked with her little brother…, maybe she does the cupping face with them too.

 

The graduation was yesterday and now the school is over. Well B was taking every opportunity he could to flirt with E, not that E said much back. While I was looking at B and E one of my friends joined me. She seemed upset so I asked her what happened and she told me that she had her first date with B for a couple of days ago (she hadn't told me about it before as she knew I didn’t like him). Well she always used to say that she was going to wait with sex until marriage but apparently she lost her virginity to him that day. I’m very shocked and disturbed, it’s making me wanting to strangle him to death, she had thought that he genuinely liked her (he had told her how much he loved her and stuff like that) and now he was already flirting with someone else. I know that she slept with him voluntary but I feel so sorry for her, she was almost crying, she felt so used. So yesterday I spent with her at her house and tried to comfort and make her feel better. Now I’m thinking that if he managed to persuade my friend to sleep with him maybe he’ll manage to do that to E too, E sees B every now and then at her brother’s place. Maybe it’s wrong of me to feel jealous but I really don’t want him to even touch E by accident.

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You reminded me of this. Here's something for you, Wayfara... for all of us, even:

 

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, in the same pattern.

 

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands. One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continuously visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the serenity of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency."

 

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

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I'm still enjoying reading Wayfara. - Keep up the good work on helping her come out of her shell. Maybe this can be your goal as her friend and then in the meantime if she starts to come out as a lesbian and she falls in love with you, then it will be good for the two of you to experience it.

 

Tigris, I remember the feeling of tingling sensations for the first girl that I ever had a super crush on.. I was never romantic with her either, we are still friends to this day, but she was the first woman I ever had feelings for. She still gives me chills, but I don't have the desire to be with her. LOL, isn't that something?

 

Aquatic, that is a great quote!! I needed to read that.. shoot everyone does!

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Yeah it really is a great quote Aquatic. I’ll try to have it in mind.

 

We were at the anime girl’s house yesterday, watched anime and talked, it was fun. And E talked a little too, except when the anime girl and I told each other what kind of guys we thought were cute. Well eventually the anime girl asked E what type of guys she liked. E said she hadn’t figured that out and that she had thought that as she didn’t want a boyfriend or have sex anyway she didn’t need to trouble herself with doing it either. The anime girl said she could understand if she didn’t want a boyfriend but not that she wanted to live in celibacy. E said that she was traditional and couldn’t imagine herself having sex without a relationship and as she wouldn’t have a relationship she wouldn’t have sex. The anime girl said that E didn’t know what she missed regarding to sex and wanted me to tell E that too so I had to tell them that I didn’t know either as I never had it. She was surprised as she had thought that I engaged in casual sex all the time

 

When we were going to leave the anime girl gave me a hug and was just going to do the same to E too when E quickly stretched out her arm to shake hands instead before the anime girl had the chance to grab her. I suppose she still feels weird about hugs.

 

On the way home I told E that she should beware of B as he still hadn’t got tired on flirting with her. E said she didn’t encourage him and didn’t know why I should care so much if it wasn’t jealousy.

E: “When are you planning on stop crushing on him?”

I told her that I didn't have a crush on him but she didn’t believe me as she said that she indeed had seen how angry I had looked at the graduation while he talked to her. Well I couldn’t deny that I looked angry and I couldn’t tell her about my friend as I don’t think my friend would have liked that.

E: “I know that this about having a crush is trendy and cool. But if you had to crush on someone, why couldn’t you have chosen someone better?”

Me: “You don’t get crushes just because it’s cool and trendy.”

She asked me why I crushed on him then. I asked her if she really thought that one could pick and plan on crushing on someone.

E: “Okay, okay, but now you must stop crushing on him.”

I told her that maybe it wasn’t as simple as she made it sound to stop having feelings for someone.

E: “You just have to tell yourself to stop.”

Me: “It doesn’t work that way.”

 

She said that I better learned to stop falling for bad boys for my own good and that she had lent me the pick-up artist book to be prepared for their tricks. She must have thought that all the times I have talked bad about B were because I wanted him all by myself. Well she apologized and she said it wasn’t her business what I do with B, that she wouldn’t meddle. Well I won’t bring up B again while talking to her any more times; it gets a bit messy with the misunderstandings.

 

I asked E if she would like to do something similar as visiting the anime girl again.

E: “Maybe, I’ll see.”

I asked her if she had minded the anime girl’s questions. She chuckled and said it was amusing how shocked people got just because one didn’t want to have sex. She told me that when she was fourteen her mother had suggested that they could have one mother-daughter evening a week watching porn and erotic movies (her mother thought it could be educational). E had refused with the excuse that she was too young and said that she still stuck with ‘she's too young’ when her mother from time to time suggested it again even though the excuse doesn't work as good at nineteen as when she was fourteen but that it was funny to see her mother’s reaction and get to hear her attempts to convince her that she indeed is old enough to watch that sort of movies. It must be nasty to have that sort of mother but it’s quite funny when E talks about her.

 

Keep up the good work on helping her come out of her shell.

 

I’ll try but I don’t know if I will succeed

 

My mother will leave on Thursday; it will be kind of a release when she does. I’m just worried about her getting a stupid idea. She has been talking about maybe go and visit E before leaving. I have tried saying that it isn’t a great idea but she says she’s sure that if E hasn’t anything to hide she won’t mind her coming; that she has the right to see how E lives like too as she has been in our house.

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Just wanted to comment how BIZARRE E's mother is. It really boggles the mind. In lieu of sex ed class (heck, even planned parenthood programs!), kids should just be required to boot camp for a month or two with her.

 

Okay, carry on.

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Well now everything is ruined beyond repair. While my mother and I were going to the mall this morning she got the fantastic idea to go and see E on the way. I told her that she couldn’t go there just like that but she never listens to me so she woke E up with the excuse that she just wanted to make her a friendly visit while she was in the area. My mother looked around and asked E how come she didn’t have any posters of male actors (she was really looking for something to get into the subject she wanted to talk about). E said she preferred landscape paintings. My mother said she almost doubted that E had any interests in males. E didn’t make a comment. My mother said she just out of curiosity wanted to know if E got attracted to men at all. I told my mother to not be so bold but my mother repeated the question anyway.

E: “No, not yet.”

 

Well my mother began explaining how she didn’t have any prejudices against gay people and that she didn’t have any problems with bisexuals either and how complicated she thought it was with so many labels for girls leaning towards girls, not only lesbian, it was pansexual, bisexual and bi-curious too, indirect hinting that if E wasn’t a lesbian she was one of the others (I tried to make my mother stop but I didn’t manage).

Mother: “I hope that you respect that Wayfara is heterosexual, she isn’t in any way ‘curious’.”

I told my mother that I could speak of myself. E said that she wasn’t into forcing herself upon people and that even if she wanted a girlfriend she would pick a girl who liked girls too. My mother said that she just wanted to clear out any possible misunderstanding and that she had nothing against E as a person. When my mother was going I said that I would stay just a moment so she went.

 

E: “If you’re scared of any lesbian tendencies in me you needn’t to send your mum, you just stop coming.”

Me: “It isn’t like that.”

E: “You better go now; I don’t want your mum to think anything funny.”

She looked really irritated. I begged her to let me explain things but she kept saying that she wanted me to go. When I didn’t do as she wanted she moved towards me and got really, really close until she had me against the door (I think she was trying to scare me off).

E: “You never know what I might do with you all alone in my apartment.”

Then she opened the door right behind me so I almost fell backwards. She told me to not effort myself with returning there again.

 

She was really angry, I think she was serious with not wanting to see me ever again. Well my mother didn’t think she had done anything wrong at first and thought that if E really had got angry she must be hypersensitive but now she has admitted that her behaviour maybe wasn’t the best after seeing how sad I am because of this (well I don't cry any longer, right now I just feel numb). She has been asking me if that girl really is that important to me, if I really like her that much, saying that she only wants me to be happy, that she just thought that it would have been better if I had met some guy. Kind of ironic that this would be the time for her to beginning to accept that I maybe like a girl.

 

Well E doesn’t trust me enough to believe me when I said my mother’s talk wasn’t on my request and I can’t fix her trust issues. So much energy to become E’s friend for nothing. I have other friends, one less shouldn’t matter that much but I really liked E the best. It wasn’t only that I had a crush on her; we had a good connection. But I suppose with the right point of view you can see the positive side of everything, you just have to find it, so maybe it’s about time I stop being a fool sighing over a straight girl, life goes on and time heals all wounds.

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I'm pleased I decided to take a look at your posting after PMing you. I really need to rest. I feel like I'm going to pass out.

 

For those people who do not know yet I'm not well at all. As some of you know I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome (please google it) but on top of that my body is trying to fight a nasty skin infection which reoccurs at least once a year. The doctors don't know what it is and give me antibiotics to help kill it. Unfortunately my immune system doesn't work properly because of the Fibromyalgia and the antibiotics make the immune system worse. I just have to put up with it.

 

Ok. I'm very angry with your Mother and would love to go around to your house and announce I'm a lesbian (which I am) and frighten the s*** out of here by saying I love your daughter. I'd love to see her face then.

 

This is the second occasion I've wanted to KILL your mother. Will you please tell her that if you were or are a lesbian that her attitude is not going to stop you from being one but it will eventually make you want to move out of reach of her so you can live your life as you wish.

 

Next, I suggest you go around to E's house and refuse to move until she lets you in to sort this whole mess out. And tell her that you've told your mother exactly what I've just told you to say.

 

It's ok you saying that your mother did it but she's not going to believe you unless you prove it. If you really want her in your life badly you have to learn to fight for her.

 

I'm sorry if I've offended anybody but I haven't got the energy to go back and read it to correct it.

 

I'm off to rest now.

 

Bye everyone

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Hey, Wayfara. What a situation. The good news is, I don't think it's as bad as it seems. This is not beyond repair. It's just a misunderstanding-- a big fat one, unfortunately. If you want to fix this, however, you mustn't be the one giving up and saying things like, I've other friends, why would losing one matter.

 

I have more good news. You're getting through to your mother. She's realizing that you really value this friend. It would be a waste if you gave up now. As much as your mother was a monster with that forced visit, a part of me does understand where she's coming from. She's going about it in a really wrong way, paranoia and all that, but at the end of the day, I don't doubt she's just looking out for you-- and slowly, she's coming around (not exactly to the idea that you might be gay, but that E means a lot to you).

 

Crushes aside, you like her as a friend. You connect. So work on it. E's not being difficult. Yes, she definitely has trust issues, but it's not hard to understand why she reacted the way she did during that visit. Your mother was invasive and rude, nothing like waking up to that, no? Give it two or three days to settle down, then go talk to her. Or if you think you'll be too emotional, write it down. Don't read her the riot act. Keep it simple. Just mention three things: that it was your mom who insisted to drop by as she's leaving for a vacation soon, that you are hurt by her lack of trust in you, and that by now she should already know that you mean a lot to her as a friend.

 

Don't worry about your pride. You're not being a doormat. You're just clearing things up. And I'm sure she'll listen. Good luck!

 

Tigris, hope you feel better soon.

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How about a bunch of flowers in one hand and a bag of flour in the other that should make her laugh when you say, 'I didn't know which one to bring so I brought you both.'

 

Aquatic, thanks for the get well message. I'm feeling very hot today. It's probably the infection playing tricks on me because it's not that hot outside. I'm keeping away from everyone because I don't want them to catch this of me.

 

I feel like I should be walking around with a black cross on my back and front and ringing a bell saying, 'Unclean, unclean.'

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yes exactly get her both, great idea tigris. get well soon

 

oh and incase she didn't want to listen prepare a letter explaining everything, so you can leave it with the flowers.

 

God i can imagine how sweet you are going to look holding the flowers and flour, reminds me of my college days hope she cups your face

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The flour/flower thing will only work if it translates into her mother tongue like that, remember.

 

Thanks for sharing, Wayfara. I've just read all 15 pages in one go and I'm amazed that English isn't your first language (you speak English better than some of my friends, and I live in England).

 

Try getting your mother to apologise to E if she hasn't left yet - in pretty much every encounter so far your mother has accused E of being a lesbian. You've already said that E is a bit insecure about this topic so it's important that you get your mother to see that she needs to be accepted at your house, as a friend.

 

Also, while your mother's gone you should get E to teach you to cook. Should be fun!

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