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Sounds pretty malicious and pointless that M would do that but so many people spread those kind of lies when the person they wanted isn't interested, so make them look less needy and more "cool". Be best just to ignore it all and just make sure your friends/family know the truth. Kind of immature for a guy his age really.

 

Yeah obviously older doesn't mean more mature. I guess I wanted someone who was the opposite of E, because I was hurt and I didn't want to be reminded of her, so I didn't watch out for the warning signs. I feel foolish because I thought he was one true great guy but I wasn't paying attention to the things that were off with him. He started telling people that we had sex months before I even broke it off with him. I can understand that my friends thought we had a sexual relationship but he doesn't need to affirm things that aren't true. Well maybe it's a guy thing and he felt pressured and now he feels he can't take it back, I don't know... Anyway I'm going to ignore it.

 

yes I think you should perhaps write her a short note giving her your address and just saying where you stand, and if she wants to talk to you then your door is always open for her.

 

I already gave her my address and told her she could visit me anytime when I saw her last time. Should I write her a note too?

 

It'd be best to see if she ever makes an effort because it's been you trying all along and if she actually does have feelings for you then she'll contact you. It's a hard waiting game but just get on with your life and focus on things you enjoy doing in the meantime.

 

Well it's like the saying I suppose... "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." She seemed sad that I was moving, but yet she doesn't say anything so I don't know what she feels. Sometimes when she looks at me it feels like she loves me deep down somewhere, other times I think it's all in my head. It like okay we ended up in bed time one night, so what? People do that all the time and it was just a mistake to her. It's me that can't separate sex from love, it's me who got my emotions mixed up. I imagine her there with me at night recreating what happened in my mind and afterward I feel so guilty. Enjoying something too much can be a bad thing not just in love life, I was pretty happy with my program but this year I took up a new subject as a fill out between hours, and wow, something just clicked inside me, I went to the library and borrowed every book about it wanting to learn everything. Now I'm confused if I have chosen the wrong program lol

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It very well could be a guy thing, as well as just being a general symptom of people who like themselves too much. Perhaps going for the total opposite of E isn't the best plan, as maybe it'll make that person irritate you more, if you still think of her a lot anyway.

 

I think you should write her a short note yes, don't say much but just let her know where you stand and perhaps she does feel the same way for you as you do about her but maybe due to her childhood or something she doesn't feel right being that open about it.

 

She probably liked that night she spent with you, but felt guilty since she sees sex as wrong and dirty, hence why she sort of freaked out the next morning. And no, there is nothing wrong with it, and perhaps in the future it'll happen again when she's more comfortable about herself. Plus, she obviously felt something for you so it's not just you who got your emotions mixed up, she's just real stubborn by the sounds of it. Is there no way she'd even consider seeing a psychologist, even just for one session?

 

Can't you change your program? Best to change it fast, last thing you need is another thing to stress you out!

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It very well could be a guy thing, as well as just being a general symptom of people who like themselves too much.

 

True, it's not a gender specific behavior. I regret calling him from my new number (I wasn't thinking, I was angry), he's been blowing up my cell phone with texts ever since. He's calling everything a big misunderstanding, it was supposedly meant as a joke...

 

Perhaps going for the total opposite of E isn't the best plan, as maybe it'll make that person irritate you more

 

You're right, that makes sense, I'll think of that to next time lol. The total opposite of E is probably not my type so maybe things with M never had much of a chance in the first place.

 

I think you should write her a short note yes, don't say much but just let her know where you stand

 

I'll write her a short note then to let her know where I stand.

 

Is there no way she'd even consider seeing a psychologist, even just for one session?

 

Well I don't know but I don't think so, I've never tried to persuade her, she's offended by the mere thought of therapy and I thought I ought to respect she didn't want to. I guess accepting therapy would be like admitting she's wrong about sex being wrong and as if she really thinks sex is wrong she won't think there is something wrong with her for thinking sex is wrong and therefore she doesn't need therapy. Her mother tried to convince her to seek therapy when she lived at home, it was one of the reasons she moved out.

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Sounds like pretty desperate behaviour to be honest, perhaps you shoild block his phone number (if that's possible anyway) but make sure you don't respond to them or else he'll just keep doing it longer.

 

As for the psychologist thing, it might sound like a scary thing to her at first but maybe you could make an appointment to see one too, so that she didn't think it was just her who has a problem? Either that or try to educate her on the good side of sex... although I suppose doing that may not be the easiest of tasks! Really I think until people who see sex as "wrong" are proven otherwise they will continue to think like that.

 

I really don't envy your situation at all! But I hope it all works out, and also I am sure she will contact you knowing that she could lose you otherwise, because as tacky as it is people don't realise what they have until they don't have it anymore.

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Sounds like pretty desperate behaviour to be honest, perhaps you shoild block his phone number (if that's possible anyway) but make sure you don't respond to them or else he'll just keep doing it longer.

 

I don't know how I block someone on my cellphone, but I'll see if I can find a manual on it online.

 

As for the psychologist thing, it might sound like a scary thing to her at first but maybe you could make an appointment to see one too, so that she didn't think it was just her who has a problem?

 

I think the problem is more within her mindset than being scared. She would probably be more likely to seek therapy on how to suppress sexual desires rather than help to overcome the guilt around it.

 

Either that or try to educate her on the good side of sex... although I suppose doing that may not be the easiest of tasks! Really I think until people who see sex as "wrong" are proven otherwise they will continue to think like that.

 

Well her mother has been trying to educate her on the good side of sex for years lol. I think she would get annoyed if I tried to educate her. I don't think I can change her, I don't think a psychologist can change her, the patient has to be receptive, she's so wary of people trying to change her so I think the only one who can change her is herself, the change has to come from within.

 

I really don't envy your situation at all! But I hope it all works out, and also I am sure she will contact you knowing that she could lose you otherwise, because as tacky as it is people don't realise what they have until they don't have it anymore.

 

I hope she does but when I broke up with her she never begged anything, didn't try to change my mind, didn't contact me She just didn't care that she was losing me.

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Sometimes people don't realise how bad it feels not having something until they stand a chance of losing it totally. Maybe she thought you'd always contact her first which is why she didn't contact you, so perhaps after a little while she will realise how much she wants you in her life. I suppose it's kind of difficult to make her feel differently about those things... but perhaps when she gets older she'll just start to learn that it isn't all bad.

 

Just wondering... would you like to be just her friend, and did you (or her) suggest that the last time you saw each other?

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Just wondering... would you like to be just her friend, and did you (or her) suggest that the last time you saw each other?

 

Yeah, I suggested just being friends too but she doesn't think it's appropriate for exes to be friends Well I love her and I don't think I can see her in a platonic way only.

 

She did actually answer my letter. It says she's exactly the same person as when I broke up with her, that I seem to think she has hidden relationships skills she hasn't showed me but despite how bad girlfriend she was to me that really was her trying her best. She cares about me and misses me but feels we are both happier apart.

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Yeah, I suggested just being friends too but she doesn't think it's appropriate for exes to be friends Well I love her and I don't think I can see her in a platonic way only.

 

She did actually answer my letter. It says she's exactly the same person as when I broke up with her, that I seem to think she has hidden relationships skills she hasn't showed me but despite how bad girlfriend she was to me that really was her trying her best. She cares about me and misses me but feels we are both happier apart.

 

What a mixed message! If I were not interested in pursuing the relationship at all, I wouldn't have even answered the letter!

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What a mixed message! If I were not interested in pursuing the relationship at all, I wouldn't have even answered the letter!

 

Maybe she answered because she didn't want me waiting for her? I'm not good with letters and I think mine got a bit emotional.

 

I'm going home Friday to pick up some of my stuff (with home I mean my parent's house, still feels weird to call my place home yet). I would like to just have a light conversation with E, sometimes I feel that she just thinks too much about things. I would like to show my place to her to see what she thinks of it. I would like to ask her in a straight question if she loves me, if she tells me no maybe I could get some closure. Anyway I know I should stay away so I'm going to resist doing this.

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Hey Wayfara!

It's nice to have some updates on your situation, but I'm sad to read you're still strugling with it.

I don't really know what to advise you... Taking some distance to stop getting hurt, OR keep hoping and fighting, the passion is worth it. I feel at this point it's your choice to make, a hard choice... I wish you good luck in dealing with this

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Lol.

 

I like how you say you want to have a light conversation, then two sentences later, it's ask her if she loves you.

 

Light conversation indeed.

 

Lol, yeah, bad formulated of me. I don't mean at the same time. I wish we could hang out without some heavy topics. Then I would want to ask that question too, but later, another time. But she's like we can't hang out because we aren't friends and we can't be friends because we are exes, I think she's too concerned about the labels, we could take one hang out at the time, who cares if we are exes if we both want to hang out? But she has her reasons I suppose.

 

I would want to ask her if she loves me mainly because I want to understand how she thinks like. Does she hate me, is that the reason she wants nothing to do with me? Does she has feelings for me but is scared to get hurt? Or maybe she has no feelings but doesn't want to hurt me by leading me on?

 

Well I probably shouldn't think about it too much.

 

I took up webdesign this year but had no idea it would actually be exciting, I'm usually horrible at everything related to computer. Anyway I've been practising on making webpages on my free time and it's a good way to keep my mind on other stuff when I have nothing else to do.

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Personally, i think you should just take her word for it, and not concern yourself with why. I doubt she hates you, I think she's trying in the nicest possible way she can, to move on and allow you to move on. Being friends at this point would probably not allow either of you the chance to move on. I think it shows that she cares, since she's shown you the kindness she has, even though she has a lot of difficulty with it. Sometimes even loving someone isn't enough to sustain a relationship or even a friendship in the long-term. There has to be compatibility, similar goals, similar mindset and you can care for someone a lot and still lack those things.

 

It's good you've found yourself a new thing to keep yourself occupied, maybe you should combine your passions, writing and webdesign, and start a blog or something.

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Personally, i think you should just take her word for it, and not concern yourself with why. I doubt she hates you, I think she's trying in the nicest possible way she can, to move on and allow you to move on. Being friends at this point would probably not allow either of you the chance to move on. I think it shows that she cares, since she's shown you the kindness she has, even though she has a lot of difficulty with it. Sometimes even loving someone isn't enough to sustain a relationship or even a friendship in the long-term. There has to be compatibility, similar goals, similar mindset and you can care for someone a lot and still lack those things.

 

I know you're right. If I could do something that would make her reconsider us, I would do it, it's hard to accept when there is nothing more you can do. She always brings up the part when I broke up with her, but I feel very much feel like the dumpee now anyway. When breaking up you say so many things you regret, things you don't mean, I told her I regretted wasting my time with her... and in my case I was the only one to say stupid things like that. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't have let myself get so caught up with wanting a normal relationship. It was my fault for letting her go. It was my fault for letting pride stopping me from going back the next day to make up. I got so caught up with wanting someone normal my friends would approve of, and I got involved with M. I feel dirty letting things going so far but I suppose it's an useful experience about what happens when you get your priorities wrong... It wasn't easy making E giving me a go in the first place, I should have figured it wouldn't be any second chances if I blew it. I know she cares for me, but she thinks I'm arrogant for wanting her back, it was never my intention to come off as arrogant to her and it kills me she thinks so.

 

It's so unusual that you meet someone you just click with. I suppose it's human nature to fall in love with those you click with, but in a way I wish that wasn't the nature of things. Most relationships have an expiration date so it would be smarter to just keep them as friends so you can keep them longer and only date the expendables.

 

I'll try not to keep up hope, grieve if I have to so I can pull myself together soon. I wish her happiness with how she decides to live her life. Right now it feels very foreign to fall in love again but the statistics says that most of us will fall in love again so there will probably be someone else out there for me when the time is right.

 

It's good you've found yourself a new thing to keep yourself occupied, maybe you should combine your passions, writing and webdesign, and start a blog or something.

 

I've never thought about starting blog, I don't think it's my thing. I think I want to look into some basic programming. I'm studying something completely different and changing path would probably make what I've already studied a waste, and working with programming or webdesign would probably feel lonely, but it would an interesting thing to learn.

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I don't think you should blame yourself so much, it's a difficult situation and first love is definitely hard. I think you're a good person, I know an internet stranger's opinion doesn't mean all that much, but try not to feel too badly about it. It's an understandable thing and most people make similar mistakes at least once in their life.

 

Try to be kind to yourself, it's really important at times like these.

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E is a very special person to me so I can't help kicking myself a little for not sticking it through so I wouldn't have to look for someone else. I have had my complaints about E, l wanted a sexual relationship and she didn't. I might meet someone who wants a sexual relationship just as I, but that person isn't going to have her personality. Well maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse, when I fall in love again I'll probably see the new person's uniqueness in it's own merit.

 

Anyway there is more to life than just romantic relationships so my world isn't ending because of this, just today my teacher in web design told me I had done my homework for at least a month ahead and there is no doubt that I'm going to get the highest grade on the first part of the course, I was smiling from ear to ear (well it's not a very advanced course but I'm a beginner and praise does always feel good). So life goes on I suppose.

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I just saw her. I was walking home after school and I saw someone talking to an old lady and my heart jumped, because she looked like E from behind, and then I saw she not only looked like E it was E. I think it's six weeks ago since I last saw her, but it feels like much longer. I had to pass her. I tried not to blush but of course I did, I tried to look normal and recollected but I couldn't stop a smile cropping up on my face from just seeing her. I didn't know if I ought to say hi as she was busy talking to this lady, but I looked at her and she saw me and she was the one to say hi. We only talked for like a minute as she was busy, I told her I lived just ten minutes walk away and that it was a pity she hadn't seen my place, she said she could come over before she went home and I could show her. So she's coming in like two hours.

 

I wasn't prepared to see her in town, I didn't know if I ever would see her again. I don't know what she was doing in town but well, this is the bigger town so people from the smaller towns come here to shop. I probably shouldn't have invited her over but I got so excited seeing her.

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E came over as she said yesterday. Her grandfather has died and she was talking to her grandfather's sister who lives in my town when I saw her. She said would she probably have come to see me even she hadn't seen me but maybe not that day (well maybe she just said that). She stayed for three hours, it was wonderful.

 

She confessed she had been angry with me for reconnecting with her as it set her back and she thinks she has been punishing me for her shortcomings. After she looked at me like she wanted to say something, but she didn't, and she looked down and she was like "I think of you often" (sounded like she forced it out). She asked if I still wanted to be friends.

Me: "Of course I want."

She was smiling, hugged me, we went a bit crazy with all the hugging but I love hugs, well I love hugging her, her arms feel so safe and her scent makes me go nuts and I could hug her forever just to sniff it (but I would never tell her that...).

 

After the hugging she handed over a blue plaid from her bag and she was like "here", she told me it was an impulse buy, she bought it cheap on a second hand store before she went to see me...

Me: "You went in there just for my sake? How cute."

And she protested that she had been there to look for old books but I just love teasing her.

Me: "And you chose a blue plaid because you know blue is my favourite colour."

E: "It was the cheapest..."

I told her that I at least wanted to give her a hug in return for it and she looked so embarrassed and stiff that I thought it was best to ask her if she was okay with it, she was like "sure" and we hugged again, it was nice. Anyway she looked around my apartment, I have been a bit lazy but she thought it looked like a nice place and she asked me how it felt like living alone now, I told her I liked it. I told her I was going to paint my bookshelf so it fitted better into the room. She said she could come and keep me company and help me with it if I wanted, I told her I would like that very much.

 

It's weird how I think she's prettier every time I see her. M was more of a stunner but it's something about her, she's not glamorous but she has some sort of grace so she stands out. It must be that her looks have grown on me, well she has always looked great to me, but it has caught me that someone else could want to scoop her up too. Well I asked her what she had been doing these past few weeks, she had been hanging out some with her brother, I asked her if B had been there too and he had. Then she was like saying that she thought I was wrong in thinking B was interested in her, that he just has a flirty nature and she has seen photos of his past girlfriends and they looked more like me than her. I told her he wouldn't hang out so much with her brother and her together if he wasn't interested and she played hurt and she said it was a bit daunting to get told that the only reason someone would want to hang out with her is because they have the hots for her, and she teased me that even I had ulterior motives when befriending her. I was like "you liked me that way too", and she was like 'yeah' that my flirting was bound to affect her eventually. Anyway she said she had abundance in apples at home and she could make an apple cake when she comes today, I thought that sounded delicious and she asked me what ingredients I had so she knew what to take with her. She was like "Do you have sugar?"

Me: "Nope."

E: "Cinnamon?"

Me: "Nope"

E: "Vanilla?"

Me: "Nope."

E: "Flour?"

Me: "Nope."

Until she got that she would have to take all the ingredients with her as I didn't have anything of it... lol

 

Anyway I'm so happy seeing her, so happy she came over, so happy that I'll see her today too and that we are friends, everything. I just don't know if I did a bad choice, I'm going to get my hopes again. How do you keep hopes in line?

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wow, a dream come true - how many people here don't want the same to happen to them!?

She's obviously still interested - believe me. How many ex's would go visit for no reason (i.e. children, pets, etc) without having interest? So while I"m not one to encourage you to have hope, personally I would have it!

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We painted my bookshelf yesterday, well I didn't just paint the bookshelf, I painted a part of her hand too and after some more attempts from me she refused to sit close to me while painting, no idea why... lol. Anyway after we were finished we rested at my bed just talking, everything felt so nice, we talked a little of everything and then there were less and less talk and we were just looking at each other. I was hoping something would happen but she got up of the bed and said we should do the apple cake before it got too late. Anyway she let me chop the apples, she did the rest. While we were occupied with the apple cake she told me, matter of factly, she's happy we have a new chance to be friends. I asked what made her change her mind about being friends. Well her brother told her exes could be friends if it was done the right way (he's still friends with one of his exes).

 

Right now I'm thinking that maybe she changed her mind about being friends because she felt lonely?

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^ Probably she is lonely.

 

Her grandfather did just die, when you lose someone close to you, it definitely makes you realize that human connections are really important, that you don't want to waste them and let them disappear out of laziness or selfishness. When my own mother passed away it was strange, as though i could examine myself from a third person perspective and realized the things I'd done which weren't good for me, or those close to me.

 

I think it's pretty common for people to reevaluate things in light of grief, its definitely good that she reached out to you though, even if she doesn't seem upset, having another person there really does help.

 

As for the friendship, try not to do anything to pressure her too much, I know you're a bit lax with the self control but don't try to initiate anything and all will probably turn out okay. I guess let her take the lead in the friendship.

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Her grandfather did just die, when you lose someone close to you, it definitely makes you realize that human connections are really important, that you don't want to waste them and let them disappear out of laziness or selfishness. When my own mother passed away it was strange, as though i could examine myself from a third person perspective and realized the things I'd done which weren't good for me, or those close to me.

 

I think it's pretty common for people to reevaluate things in light of grief, its definitely good that she reached out to you though, even if she doesn't seem upset, having another person there really does help.

 

I'm sorry about your mother Well I don't know if how close she felt to her grandfather, when she told me she said she hates when people die and she didn't say much more than that, I didn't press her (well she has seen his sister so I suppose she's been talking to her). But I should probably see if she wants to talk more about it.

 

As for the friendship, try not to do anything to pressure her too much, I know you're a bit lax with the self control but don't try to initiate anything and all will probably turn out okay. I guess let her take the lead in the friendship.

 

I'm trying my best to be a friend but I don't know how this will work out yet. When I don't see her I wish we could be friends, when I do see her I wish I could hug her and when we hug I want to kiss her... When we don't see each other I always think I would be fine with just friendship too, but we were together for one and a half year, so the physical stuff feel so natural and I have to actively remind myself we aren't together anymore when I'm with her. Well I'll try not to initiate anything, but do you think it would hurt if I encouraged her a bit or tried to find out where I stand after awhile?

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