My Ex is contacting me again and it really hurts

[geri]

Hi

 

I broke up in July with MY B/F after 4 years - it was a mutual decision though to be honest more on his side than mine. There has been no contact since early August. I was and am still very hurt but determined not to contact him because i was so afraid of rejection again so i stayed away to try and let it sink in that it was over.

 

Over the last two weeks i have got two emails, two voicemails, two texts and one letter. Calls were about if i needed anything to call him, letter was about how he still cared about me and what he is doing to change his life BUT NOTHING about us getting together again (He did say he missed me). He wants to know if we can meet - said 'it would be nice if we could'. How can he ask this - the last thing i said to him was that i loved him and that we were soul mates but i wasn't going to destroy myself fighting for him as he was so confused. So how can he say it would be nice to meet if he knows how i feel? I don't understand.

 

I have not responded to anything because i am so afraid of being hurt again. I am really upset again now. I really do love him to bits and i tried to do as people say - stay away and if you love someone set them free but now i am so tempted to call him back but am terrified its all some stupid game. I have a pain in my stomach writing this. Please help.

[charmed]

Hi Geri !

 

The aprehensive feelings you are gettin g are trying to protect you from the harm you went through at the time of your breakup. He may be dealing with things better, and may be genuinely trying to be nice to you at this point in time. However, his contact is stirring up old feelings for you , and you don't sound ready to deal with them. I will say it's a bit heavy - the amount of contact he has suddenly made - I would wonder what exactly he is up to. It seems rather over the top - like he wanted to be very sure you knew he was making contact.

 

Only you know if he would play a game like this with you - and if he would, then yes stay away from him. But no matter what, you are going to need to be able to deal with this breakup a bit better - so if he did contact you in a years time, you would be well able to deal with the emotion of it all. You don't sound up to it right now, and that tells me that you are stil in your period of recovery. I would say you should e-mail him, and request that he doesn't contact you. Tell him, that you will contact him when you are ready to meet up with him again.

 

I don't know if you want to meet him. It sounds like it will stir a lot of feelings up in you - and after 4 months breaking up up probably don't need that right now. You don't want to give him the impression that you are still hurting I would expect - so thereforeeee don't say too much about yourself and what you are doing. I know that is somewhat playing a game, but there is always going to be a small bit of that during a breakup.

 

Evaluate your situation 4 months on from the breakup - and be honest with yourself. How over this relationship are you right now, and how will seeing or even getting contact from him, effect your recovery? Thats the answer to your problem here!

 

Hope this helps you some,

[reborn]

I don´t know if it is wise or not.

However, I would say see him. Yes of course you are hurting, it is normal after a breakup. However you do love him very much still. If he has expressed he wants to see you this is a good sign. I think the situation may be worth checking out.

Act normal, happy and don´t talk about the relationship. Just be your self, but make sure you look good and feel good. And then, he will probably bring it up.

When guys that have broken up do this is because they miss you. And most likely want to rekindle something. Or test to see if everything is still the same.

However, beware go slowly you don´t have to go out with him again. If he dumped you he should be making the moves.