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Advice Apprieciated


LJ
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My ex and I split up 6 months ago, we split up for a some stupid reasons one of which was something which made me very depressed. I was messing around with drugs and got hooked. They changed my personality and made me go very inwards. And our comunication broke down until she had enough.

 

As I said that was 6 months ago and I have now sorted my life out away from her and have addressed all the issue that I felt destroyed the relationship.

 

For the first 3 months I pushed her away because of my depression and we have fallen out because of the arguing to the point of not speaking unless it is something to do with finances, etc.

 

The drugs are no longer an issue and i know they were a major cause and i accept that without them i probably wouldnt be typing this, but i havent touch them for six months and i saw all sorts of people to make sure i dont go back. I was never abusive or violent but i did become paranoid and insecure and smothered her. The drugs hurt her more by seeing what they were doing to me.

 

I have outlined below some of the problems and how I have changed

 

I was never good with money and we were always unable to have the things we wanted although we both had good jobs - I have sorted this out and I am saving like mad, clearing of my debts and I have even raised the finances to clear some of our joint debts.

 

I have always been afraid of change to my environment as in the area i live in the friends i keep. I have always been critical of the friends she kept lets just call them undesirables, and she stopped seeing them. - In the time we have had apart I have become a lot more cosmopolitan and I do not judge people anymore.

 

I have never been particulary independent - I am now indepent and prepared to do whatever it takes on my own if need be.

 

These are just some of the ways I have changed.

 

The reason I am telling you this is because she said to a friend of mine that she doesn't think she could ever go back to how it was, even though we lasted 3yrs and in the 1st two achieved so much together and we were so happy that we almost brought a house together.

 

It really hurt me to hear my ex say to my friend that she tried to be nice and tried to be nasty and i just didnt gaet the point that she couldnt go back. Why is she being so self righteous. especially when in private she has told me various things from give me time, to I need to see it for longer that you are off the drugs and that you arent doing it for me, to move on and back and fourth. She was changing her mind back and forth like the weather which is why i got out her way and gave her the freedom she wanted so much. I dont expect her to tell my friends that she misses me she would even admit that to herself.

 

How can I get her to see that I have changed completely, my attitude, my actions, everything and that I havent changed just to get her back.

 

How can I enlighten her to the fact that things wouldnt be the same and that I am a new man when she refuses to believe what is in front of her, I know she is angry and resentful.

 

I am going to initiate contact soon and as it could be the only chance I ever get how do I go about it, what can i say to her.

 

If there is any women out there, who in my exs position would be able to tell if I have changed how would a guy prove to you that he has changed sinserily and means it and that I havent just changed and sorted myself out just to get her back and that it is a lasting change.

 

I have moved on and I have dated other women but all it has done concreted my love for my ex. I just want to reach out and touch her but she keeps on running away.

 

I miss her deeply, I miss her smile, the way she looked into my eyes, I miss her family who loved me deeply and my family miss her she was like a daughter to them.

 

She still sees my sister occiaonally because they are good friends and she is godmother of my niece. My sister still thinks we can work it out but not right now. but full credit to my sister she wont get involved.

 

I know my ex still has my phone numbers and she still sees my sister, but if she hates me that much like she pretends to do in front of her new friends why in private does she hang on to my family and still have my number (apparently I read somewhere that that is the first thing to be erased)

 

We have built a wall between each other which she insists on keeping it up how can I work with the wall instead of fighting it.

 

I suppose her reations are very human and i suppose even the partners who do get back together the one ending it is at first so adament that they couldnt go back etc, what do u guys think?

 

I know she would never inniate contact she is too proud and she is very stubborn, so there is no point waiting for her to call, because even if she wanted to i dont think she would.

 

It seems like in front of her new friends she is this big strong girl who doesnt care about anything maybe this is a very human reation. but in private she does care. How long will she keep this up for?

She is still single and i really do love her and miss her and I have one chance, please help me not mess it up.

 

Destiny Commands - And I must Obey

 

Please Help I dont even know where to start

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  • 1 month later...

Take some time to be alone. Take that time to learn how to stand on your own two feet again.

 

Once you are good and ready, emotionally and financially, go out and seek your ex again. You will stand a better chance of getting her back to your side. But then again, do not compel her to the relationship if she is not willing.

 

It is wiser to be alone than to be with someone who has no interests right? Good luck!

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im sorry. and i do know what youre going through. my ex is someone i love dearly...more than anyone and anything. it's hard to prove to someone by words. it truly does take action and time and MAYBE you'll get another opportunity. just like how youve said youve dated and realized more than ever that she was the one. she too has to go through that to find out that you were truly the one also. during this time you need to get your life in order so that if she does go back...she will realize she is going back to the old dependable you and not the drug using you. you need to be independent and show her that you are the person she met and loved a long time ago. but that takes time. if you two were truly meant to be...then it will happen. but you must realize that this is risky and that you or her or both might have life take you in different directions. the only chance you have right now is for her to do some soul searching and find out it was you all along. what's good is that your sister talks to her. hopefully your sister will mention your progress from time to time. that will make you seem more attractive.

 

ms

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