How to get it through her head

[Guest]

My current gf does not understand a word I say. It's like it goes in one ear and out of the other. I tried to explain to her that it takes two to make our relationship work and if she is always going to lie to me and be fake, then it won't. If she loves me that much then she should know better than to do the things she does. She does not understand that everytime I go out, It's for her. She won't even try to come visit me. When we get intimate too, I'm always the one doing the work. She wonders why I treat her the way I do sometimes, when all I am doing is treating her the way she treats me to make her see how I feel, even so, I hate doing it. I've told her already that she is immature about things and that she needs to work on that. she's already 17 and acts like she's 15. I've put so much on the line for her and I really don't think she appreciates it. I've already gave her so many chances and if I end it one more time, It's going to be the last. It's like she takes what she has for granted. What do I need to do to let her know that she's pushing it. I love this girl and to leave her would hurt me as much as her, but If she isn't working with me, then I feel like I should find someone who does. Im going to tell you girls out there right now that if you have a man, show him he's worth it and in return you'll be the one in his life. Give him all he needs and theres no doubt he'll do the same. Thanks for listening and I hope to get some response.

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

I understand you are currently having problems in your relationship with your girlfriend.

There seems to be a problem communicating, and it seems to be mainly on her part, at least from your side of the story. Perhaps this girl needs to figure out what she wants before she tries to be in a relationship. As you said, it takes two to make a relationship work and she seems to be lacking in effort.

You have to realize that you can only do so much work. It seems in some ways that you are trying to change her, if she's not willing to work with you, she's not willing to work. From the sounds of it you have repeatedly told her what you need from her, and either she doesn't understand what you are asking, or she just doesn't care.

I suggest you sit down with her one more time and tell her exactly what you want and get some real input from her. See if she is listening and comprehending what you are saying, if she promises to work on things, but it sounds empty to you, call her on it. Be completely open with your feelings and let her be open with hers as well. You may be fighting a losing battle, but one more try can't hurt.

Best wishes!

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I've gone through the exact same thing and all that I can do is tell you what I wish I had done now that its over. If I could do it over I would have just told her that I couldn't to it all and if she wanted me then she would have to show me that she was willing to work for it. I started to do that, but caved in. As soon as I saw she was putting any effort into it I went back to doing everything else. It was great having her put effort into the relationship even if it was only a little. The problem is that I didn't wait until she had invested enough to put any real value on us. It didn't cost her much, so it didn't mean much. As soon as a more convent guy came along she was gone. Don't let that happen to you. I'm telling you that it's going to be easer for you to loose her now then later. Make her work for you, and if she's not willing to do that, then she was only going to cause you more pain in the end anyway. I know your probably not going to take my advice, but I'm pleading with you. Make her put some effort into it. If you don't then she's just going to leave you hurt she's going to continue on with her life like nothing happened because she didn't have anything to loose in your relationship.

[buffalosoldier]

Maybe,Smoksta,you need to perhaps give her the chance to put what you say into practice? you implyed that you have broken up over this before? you have to put yourself in her shoes aswell,takes two to tango.maybe shes fed up with hearing how bad she is all the time? have you tried putting more effort in and not resenting her to see if that works? a bit of reverse pyschology my friend.-you said you are treating her the way she treats you,but since when has two wrongs made a right?sorry but i think thats a tad immature. it doesnt sound to me as if you really love this girl,i dunno maybe im wrong,but you seem to be putting a lot of the blame on her here,without mentioning if there is anything you might of done to make her behave this way.

dont be so quick to assume that shes the one with the problem.-im not trying to be nasty here,but im just giving you my opinion from a different perspective,please dont take it personally.can i ask how she is acting fake?what do you mean by this?

i think that if you really do love this girl,and its worth working it out then you should BOTH concentrate on making the relationship equal,dont just blame each other.any more info you wanna give me i will be pleased to help you,or PM me if you prefer?

hope i helped a bit!!!

xxx