I have a question about a letter im going to write my ex

[King_of_Crunkness23]

i posted other forums talking about fiance breakin it off due to jealousy, employment slacking and a case of serious non communication. Its been 5 weeks now. The pain still hasnt subsided. so im welling to take the next step. Her sister is going to have her come over her house, im going to then come over after that. Is this a good idea? i have a letter that im going to read to her personally in front of her. Just me and her. Yall tell me what you think and these are ezact words.

 

First Carrie before i start this, i want you to know i really care for you, you really are in my heart. but here we start. you sitting in front of me right now is awesome. The best thing that has happened to me in the last 6 months. The thing i been dreaming about for the past 5 weeks. Im sorry i had to black male you to come over your sisters house like this. But this has gone on long enough and its the only way. I cant be calling and leaving messages no more on the phone, i cant send no more letters. Cause not only am i not getting any responses there not getting heard. So i will keep this short simple and to the point. This has been a very long irritating, hopeless and frustrating year for me. Especially the past month. Ive missed your face, your smile, making you laugh and most of all your compassion and tenderness. I was such a damn fool for treating you with such dishonesty, disrespect and cruelness. I was selfish, ignorant and controlling. I didnt have a care in the world for what i was doing Or even realized it, especially with the accusing. You told me someone has already taken you out on dates and stuff. As jealous as i was. I would of usually FLIPPED OUT cause of that. even though when you told me that i said NOOO CARRRIE PLEASE DONT DO THAT. But you know what? not once have i doubted that you would dishonor your heart like that knowing from what we both have been going through and I respect that more than anything. I still dont have the emotional strength to move on, to meet someone and totally forget about picturing you sitting in front of me with a sparkling look on your face and mystifying eyes. I know now jealousy is the number one reason why you would lose someone. And losing you has hit me like a mac truck that is still not slowing down. Alcohol was doing a number on me. I would of ended up dead in the next year if i didnt stop. So tell your dad thankyou for calling the police on me. Him and you have saved my life and i wish there was a way to pay you guys back. I have been able to think more straight lately. Still trying to think of the right words to make you feel good and change your mind. I dont dare sit here and ask for forgiveness because i would really like to earn it back. This time the right way. I want to be able to prove i can make you feel secure. Like you have a meaningful relationship with me again. To actually feel YOU! and US! are going somewhere in life. If im not crying right now because of nerves from the blow of you turning me down then its a miracle. I highly doubt i will mess up again because i realize what one of a kind and genuine girl you are. But if for some reason i do. I will know i need to personally back off and realize im not ready for a comitted relationship. I have a pretty good feeling that if we start off real slow. Let me take you out a few times a week. Call eachother when felt needed. I do want you to know that if your ever feeling down you have a friend you can call (me) you can write me a letter anytime you please (even though you dont like to write letters) I just want you to know i want to furfill your life. Make you happy and feel whole again instead of being a half staffed flag waiting to be burned or insulted again. I have proof that i am working, i have proof that i am getting help for the depression, anxiety and other past problems that has really kept me up on a up roar. But what do you say? im not going to worry about my woman, cause you will always be close enough to perfect for me, and by saying that is i know in my heart you will make the right decision to make yourself happy. did i touch your heart in anyway? your just the perfect quality, my favorite inspiration. I love you carrie i love you and really miss you. Lets take this and let me prove what it is ezactly what you need me to prove. If this isnt it, if the things i been working on isnt enough, then ill look up at the sky right now and if im wrong for trying to get back into your heart. then strike me dead because i dont want to hurt you or even hurt myself than i already have. Hopefully you will make the right decision, its totally all yours!!!! i can prove to your mom and dad i have became a better man. im not using church or baptism as an excuse, im doing that because i need to turn to something to keep my head on straight, its the only thing i have right now. so please dont make fun of me or think its a joke, because right now it has been the only thing keeping me to sleep at night. and the only thing i have been able to do. i dont know lots of people not to many friends. ive met a few girlfriends here in columbia that seem pretty cool but not interested in dating or anything like that. you always use to tell me we had different opinions, liked different things. thats actually not true. because your opinions and likes have always amazed me, because your so unique and down to earth with the things you like to do and i LOVE it. your a surprising girl and its always unknown what your next step is going to be. so i hope you can surprise me tonight and let me put that light back in them eyes like i did before.... but before i go... i want to ask you something, everybody tells me i can do better, what if i think your perfect for me, i dont want no better because on earth there is no better girl. and that i will know who my soul-mate is when she comes along... what if i feel and dream that your my one?

 

what do yall think? convincing? i dont want to convince i want her to know i have changed, i quit the alcohol and everything else, this girl is real real special and this is going to be the hardest thing i have ever done, i been working on myself over the past 5 weeks, ive held a job, ive paid off depts and been taking care of legal issues.. but its still empty cause i need a friend, and shes been the only one i have ever been able to tell things to...

[Genesis]

YOU SAID I was such a damn fool for treating you with such dishonesty, disrespect and cruelness. I was selfish, ignorant and controlling. I didnt have a care in the world for what i was doing Or even realized it, especially with the accusing."

 

I am not sure if you were such a bad boyfriend, She may not want you back no matter what you say to her. I think it is a bad idea, and will not get you anywhere but you never know. You know your ex and how she will react to something like this. From what you said in the letter, it sounds like "Little too Late". That is just my opinion. Maybe a break is what you need. If you are still having problems with alcohol, then I can see why her father does not want you to date his daughter. I hope you really do change , b/c from what you said in the letter, I think a breakup was called for. If you really love her make sure you change instead of just saying you will.

 

I wish you luck, and I hope she has a positive response to your letter.

[King_of_Crunkness23]

i dissagree to that fact because i have talked to her and she says she just doesnt know, i mean shes 21, im 24, yeah of course i was her only b/f, her first i popped the big one but when theres still love in her heart for me im not giving it up, i have a question on this, when people say i can do better, ill know who my soul-mate is, what if i feel like that with her? what if i dont want no better, what if i feel shes close enough to perfect for me?

[Genesis]

You cannot let your friends or family make every choice for you. Maybe they said that to make you feel better since she dumped you. I know I say that to my friends sometimes, even if I do not think that way. Does she have problems too, that make others doubt her as the right person for you? Is she lazy, or easy, I know mothers do not want their sons to be with a lazy or trampy girl for example. I am sure her family is saying the same thing to her about you, due to your past drinking problem. I hope the two of you can solve your problems and get back together.

 

I do not think you should give up, or throw in the towel, I just think that it seems kind of sneaky to meet her that way. However she may think it is really sweet and nice. I think you should do what feels best in your heart.