Haven't really been looking lately but I just need a

[ck]

few opinions.

 

Ok last time I was here I was frustrated and didn't understand what the hell is wrong with women, and not that anything has changed but I stop beating myself up over it.

 

With that said I haven't asked a question since then or even checked back with this site until today 8) I been ignoring females because hell that's what they do to me.

 

So back to my question; do you think it's ok to throw in the towel. For those who need me to elaborate; is it best to just quit with the hopes of finding someone? Should I just shut down the notion and except my reality? Now of course some people will say "that's not your destiny that's nobody's destiny. THere is someone out there for everyone blah blah" or "your negative that's why start beeing optimistic" but when do you just admit to yourself Hey it's not going well and it hasn't ever gone well in this area.

 

Should I say the hell with women and just be single. Also is there any websites with advice for single men to take theri mind off of things like this.

[Genesis]

No.

 

Maybe you are trying too hard. No one wants a quitter so, I say do not give up. Is your self esteem so low that you feel that only a girl will make your life happy. No, just enjoy being with your friends. Having a defeatist attitude is not attractive to anyone man or woman.

 

Having a girl in your life will not make or break you. If you spend all your time worring about finding a woman you are missing out on life.

 

What do you have to offer a woman? If you do not have much to offer work on making yourself more interesting to woman. Good luck, it is not the end of the world. Things take time.

[ck]

I'm not trying too hard; If anything I do the opposite. Well if noone wants a quitter then it isn't really that much of a loss see.

 

If you spend all your time worring about finding a woman you are missing out on life.

 

That's why I said should I just quit. I can't change my attitude or who I am so what't the diff? I'm just going to be trying to impress generalizing women who won't like me anyway. Everything you just said sounds like I should change myself to be what women want me to be; then on the other hand it sounds like your saying I shouldn't well it's really confusing and not really worth it.

[Genesis]

If you are so worried about your looks, money, ect. Why not date someone online? Maybe you can build your confidance with an online relationship then move into a face to face thing.

 

I am not saying change yourself, become a better person. Every has to do that! Life is about growth, if you do not grow you stagnate. It is like taking a dance class or cooking class, you are not changing yourself you are adding more interests to your life. The bible says that not every one was meant to marry. We all have to compete for dates that is just life, but I am not going to just be down in the dumps b/c I can not get a date.All I want you to know is that you should not give up. Like I said before if you are very insecure with yourself that is not going to attract anyone. No one wants to be with a guy who is not sure of themself, who just thinks he is so bad that women will never like him.

 

No if I meet you , thinking in that manner I would not date you b/c:

 

1. People want to be with happy people who look on the bright side of things not the dark side. ( a more positive remark would be: Hey yes I have not found a nice girl yet, but she is out there and I will wait to find her.)

 

You are not the only guy out there who has not been on a date. Maybe you should try to date a girl who has the same interests as you.

 

Women can smell confidance and if you do not have it then they are not interested. I think you are trying too hard. You act as if your life can only be made whole by a woman. If you act that way when you do get a woman , you may act soooo needy she will run away and leave you.

 

DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

[ck]

You say become a better person, may I ask how? is there something that hints to you I'm below avreage? I never said I want to marry someone, I'm just talking about bf/gf.

 

I understand what your saying, but like I said I can't just do a 180 and if that's what women want then they are going to be very disappointed the world doesn't work like that. It takes time, it's not just something you can snap into.

 

You gave me an opinion and I thank you for it.

 

Have a good night.

[ck]

I didn't see the rest of your response.

 

OK see you just said

No if I meet you , thinking in that manner I would not date you b/c

 

Now you would have to be a generalizing person then because I'm clueless how you can judge me just by appearance. You would never know me and you would stop yourself from getting to know me. Thus it's out of my hands and somewhere along the line the problem is steming from you.

 

How many real people you know in real life that just walks around smiling at everybody? I don't know many and if I did I can't even remember seeing one who was just so perky.

 

As for quality not quantity not every guy is out there looking for what you think they are.I know a lot of women who have the same interst in my college, but that doesn't make them any more attracted to me. In fact you must be the cool party suave popular ladies man type to even get one of these chicks to notice you.

 

I still think you have it all wrong I don't try too hard to please anybody.

[Mar]

Alright, let me take a stab at this. I was in the same situation up until I was 27, NEVER had a b/f before that that was steady for more than a month, and even then, it was more of a fling with someone I didn't really want to be with just because I didn't want to be alone. At 27 I found my b/f, AFTER I'd finally pretty much thrown up my hands and said, "Alright God, it's up to you, because I'm sick of waiting and looking and hoping." At the point that I gave up and wasn't actively trying to snag someone, I was answered in the form of my b/f!

 

So what I'm trying to say is that there's no "right" or "wrong" way to go about it, but that yeah, you can definitely relax and just let things take their course. You don't have to change whatsoever. Change in the form of expanding your knowledge or things you want to do, yes. But change yourself? No (unless you're angry at women because they haven't taken an interest yet, THAT would need to change...lol). I understand your attitude completely, it's frustration. Been there, done that. But the cheesy line of "when you least expect it, it'll come" IS true, gotta tell you. I'd given up hope on finding anyone and was picturing living as an 80-year old spinster with 36 cats and was resigned to it. (Thank god I could give up THAT idea! lol)

 

Just relax. If you find someone attractive, talk to them. Hang out with your friends, go places that interest you, live your life, in other words. Somewhere in the course of that, someone will show up that you won't even realize is your future partner, and it'll be a nice surprise when you do!

[Genesis]

Ck,

 

I am sorry I really do not know what you want people to tell you.

 

You complain about woman not wanting to date you, and how they only want hot guys. So what, men only want hot women. You just have to deal with the cards you have been dealt, and it looks like you can not accept that.Everyone has to wait for the right person, and everyone will not get as many opportunities to date as some others. You seem to be so mad b/c you can not find a GF. Well you are not the only person in the world who feels that way. I do not want a person to change for me, but if we have nothing in common then why date them? Dating is not a charity where you date any guy who has not dated in awhile. There has to be a spark or an attraction, for two people to want to see each other.

 

Do you even let people get to know you? If you do not even talk to a woman then do not expect to get a date. Men get rejected about 10-15 times before they find someone who will go out with them. It is just nature, our brains are tell us to find to best mate to procreate with, that is why woman want handsome strong men, and men want beautiful kind woman. I did not make this rule, so do not get mad at me. Yes, there is more to a person that looks, if you are lacking in looks, then charm women with your personality. Like I told another guy, who wrote on a simular topic, maybe he should try to date a girl who is cute but not drop dead beautiful. I told him if he is not so hot himself then why does he expect a hot woman to want him? It is a double standand, I am sure their are many homely girls who want to go out, but the homely guys do not want them b/c they are only chasing after the hot girl.

 

1. People are attracted to others with common backgrounds and interests.

 

2. Yes, most people who consider themselves "popular/Hot" do not date peope who are not "popular/ Hot" themselves.

 

 

What I like does not matter, b/c you are not trying to date me. I just know how some people may feel. You asked for an honest opinion so I gave you one. Like it or not, First impressions count. Just like we all must compete for a job, dating is no different. Yes, I judged you, so what, for me I do not like men with pessimistic attitudes. Every man I have ever been attracted to has an optimistic attitude about life. People will judge me and you every day of our lifes.

 

Yes, I am from the south where people do go around smiling and are happy to people they meet on the streets.

[ck]

I am sorry I really do not know what you want people to tell you.

 

@ genesis

I don't want you to tell me anything; I was just looking for opinions.

 

Everyone does't have to wait that is just not true; I know plenty of guys who don't have to do squat and have girls breaking their necks to be with them.

 

I'm not forcing women to like me; if you don't then that's fine, but truth is don't sugar coat things because they sound nice. I know for a fact if you don't have a certian appearance women automatically judge you, and if that makes me a bad person for felling like that because that's what I have seen well then I guess I'm just a bad person with experience.

 

I do let people talk to me and I talk to everybody, but who cares if I'm the only one who's putting forth effort in a futile attempt to get people to know me. After a while you get bored of the same old generic response.

 

Do you think every guy is trying to date a supermodel? If you think I'm the same you are mistaken, and means you wasn't listening to anything I said. Too bad you couldn't understand what I was saying instead of generalizing me. I'm sure you would be upset if I judged you and made a lot of acuzations. Not that I care but you probably lucked out on a lot of good people, but your views are yours alone.

 

By the way I went to the south not everyone smiles; I guess you live in the happy part of the south. 8)

[Genesis]

I get asked out on many dates and have no problems finding men to go out with. I am a very attractive woman, and I have dated all types of men. From all the woman I know, yes we are very picky, and will not just date anyone.

 

So you ask people for advice( you said I need money, do I need good looks, ect..,) when the only person who can change your situation is you. So you will have to wait until some girl( who likes every thing about you) runs aross you and wants to date you, If she does not like you she won't date you, that is life! Maybe you should read books on dating or picking up woman. It may sound strange, but I have many male friends who read dating books, and it has help some. If you do not want to do anything to actively change your situation, then you will just have to wait. As depressed and upset as you sound, I am sure you will meet a nice girl one day!!

 

Cheer up sweetheart it is not the end of the world, you will find a nice girl!

 

 

Good luck

[Alien777]

Hello CK

First let me say I know exactly what are going through. I have not had a girlfriend for a few years. Why? There are many things that I with to improve about myself (confidence, people-skills, fitness, etc).

But when I had a girlfriend how did I get her, I TOOK A CHANCE. Thats the only thing that u need to know. If she tells u to *!$$ off or whatever tell her that Jesus loves her. Dont worry about it and dont let it rule your life. I know its hard when all the pretty girls are taken, but never give up and you will get what u want. The next time you go out try to approach someone (even if you dont like them) just to build your confidence.

I think its time to change your mindset, not overnight but slowly and in a way that u will never loose it...

If you have anymore questions please do and keep you head up and believe in yourself...

0X

[Genesis]

Ck,

 

I formulate my responses based on what you say. Maybe you should go back and look, at what you wrote. The first message really sounded pessimistic, re-read it maybe you will see something you did not before, or maybe not. Regardless of your opinion of me , I hope you will find a solution to your problem.

 

No, I am not offended by you at all. I am not ashamed to say how wonderful I am! If that makes me self centered( o-well , so what. I do not get my ego from men, I get it from truly loving myself. Yes, people may hate me because I am outspoken, but I am one of the more loving , giving, and caring persons in the world. Do, I give people stern advice, YES. It is like you can dish it , but you can't take it, ( yet you do not want things to be sugar coated? sure.) That does not make sense to me, I guess you have soft skin, which is not a weakness but being human. Your opinion of me does not matter. You on the other, hand should have more self love, or maybe you would not be so down all the time, you act as if you will never date. I just do not think the way you do, I think you will find a date, it just takes time. Everyone in this world is not going to like everyone, so I am not going to if you do not like me. I just felt sorry for you b/c you sounded like giving up on finding a date was your best option.

 

 

We all are entitled to our own opinions, mine is still the same, I was just speaking from the heart. Sorry, but I interpreted what you wrote as being bitter and jealous. Like you said maybe I am wrong, but everyone does not see things the same way. Our conversation is a prime example of that.

 

 

You said:

 

1. Everyone does't have to wait that is just not true; I know plenty of guys who don't have to do squat and have girls breaking their necks to be with them.

 

2. I know a lot of women who have the same interst in my college, but that doesn't make them any more attracted to me. In fact you must be the cool party suave popular ladies man type to even get one of these chicks to notice you.

 

3. I'm not forcing women to like me; if you don't then that's fine, but truth is don't sugar coat things because they sound nice. I know for a fact if you don't have a certian appearance women automatically judge you, and if that makes me a bad person for felling like that because that's what I have seen well then I guess I'm just a bad person with experience

 

 

I read some of your other posts and , I feel can make a honest assesment of some of your feelings, maybe I am wrong, but I detect you as being sad, negative, resentful, and frustrated. I really wish you could just understand, that I meant you no harm. As I look back at what I wrote you, It seems as if you are very sensitive and get your feelings hurt easily. You take offense when, part of your solution may just be right before your eyes. If you do not like my NON-sugar coated opinion then I am sorry. It seems like you do like a lot of sugar thought to ease you pain of being rejected. We all are rejected in our lifes even me, but I can not let the rejection from you or any one else get me down. I just feel if you were not so sensitive you would not have to lash out at me. Have you not heard of constructive criticism?

 

Yes, I think highly of myself, everyone should think that way about themselves. If my stern opinions offeneded you then I am sorry.

I have given you all the advice that I know for your situation. Since I hurt your feelings so dearly to make you lash out at me for giving you my honest opinion, I hope that someone else may be able to help you with your problem.

 

Good Luck in the Future CK.

 

Yes I will have a good life, thank you for the warm wishes! kisses!

[ck]

I did look at what I wrote and you simpily took all of it and turned it into what you wanted to see

 

 

I just felt sorry for you b/c you sounded like giving up on finding a date was your best option.

 

Yep that was my question that's how I feel; nothing more nothing less. But you chose to take things one step further and insist it must be just me. Hmm interesting then when I wouldn't except that advice you started verbally insulting me. I just don't remember many times where a person took verbal assault and said nothing or just laughed it off.

 

Like you said maybe I am wrong, but everyone does not see things the same way. Our conversation is a prime example of that

 

No nobody saw that except you. I don't remember anybody else making that comment about me. I'm searching...nope who is this everybody?

[Genesis]

Yes I have a happy life , and I wish you had a little more happiness in your life or so that you would not be so negative and sensitive.

Yes, Alabama is a nice place, and I love it!! I just have an happy, exciting and eventful life and I hope you will have one too!! Life is real everywhere sweetheart, I hope you do not think living in the city makes your life more complicated. "The big city life" must not be so great, with all those people in NY(millions) , why have you not gotten a date, it seems like the numbers are in your favor?

 

 

I got several dates while I was in New York City to visit family and friends this summer. I think there are many decent people in NY you just have not found the right person yet. I dated a guy from NYC and Buffalo. They were both nice guys, we are great friends now. Even though I have dated a lot, I have experienced heartbreak, which is very painful too. I never meant to imply that there was something wrong with you, I DO NOT THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU! the amount of women you date does not determine your character. I know that we must all grow & change, even me , I know I can be a bit brash at times. I know you and I are both smart a$$es . So I will let you say something smart A$$ to me and we can call it a day.

 

You act as if you are some old man, you are still young!!!

There is still plenty of time for you to date.

 

Well , I am tired- I hope you find someone.

 

To sum things up in your opinion, b/c I am sure that is all you are going to say in your next post You think I am self centered and I do not know what I am talking about. Well I am sorry I did not give you all the sugar coated sympathy responses everyone else did.

 

 

Take care>

[ck]

OK mind reader you still assume you know what I'm thinking. And once you stop assuming then we can talk about the real problem.

 

Good for you and alabama; I'm happy for you

 

Aww your concerned about me finding happiness I feel special now. Thanks ya know for telling me whats wrong with me and my problem. I mean you know so much about me. It's like your my next door neighbor I never saw. Your validation of me makes me feel like I live in Alabama.

 

 

Maybe I don't see millions of people. Ya know even though it sounds easy in Alabama; it's not easy meeting 1 million people. The numbers are in my favor Do you realize what you just said; it's not in my favor.

 

I never gave a date in this post; how do you know how young I am. What is considred young to you may not bo to others. I'm just wondering what is considred plenty of time?

 

Everything you stated is just an opinion. I'm sure you heard everyones got one. You opinion is that I am somehow a bitter jealous man because somebody I don't know has dates sooo many men (even though I have no way of validating that). And I'm just too sensitive and that when you speak to somebody you expect them to take what you have to say and don't have an opinion on it. So I should just docile when you give advice.

 

By the way I'm not trying to change your mind as you cannot change mine

[Genesis]

I guess you did not realized I was being sarcastic, when I told you the numbers were in your favor. It was my way of implying there are soooo many people in NY, and you STILL CANNOT get a date?Do not be mistaken darling, I just wondered if you lived in a city with so many people ,why have you not had a least ONE date? It seems kind of sad.

 

All jokes aside, good luck.

 

There is someone for everyone , even you.

 

Take care.

[ck]

I was being sarcastic also; I thought you would catch on. So there is a lot of people in New York and? There is a lot of people in the united states also; it would be retarted to assume one has traveled all over the U.S. .

[Genesis]

Just as you are joking with me, I also am joking with you. If you have some type of inferiority complex, that is your problem. I do not think I am better than you we are all equal. I just have high self esteem and confidence in myself; which has nothing to do with YOU . Do not get me wrong I do have my bad days.

[Genesis]

If you really knew about my background maybe you would not be so quick to talk. All people from the south are NOT poor, b/c I am not. So your stereotypes of people from Alabama are outdated & predictable. I have been to NYC and things do not seem any better, many people do not own their houses or own cars, they rent everything. If you did not know, many people are leaving NY to move to the south, why do you think NY lost electoral votes. The studies say they are moving down south!

 

The fact that you have to make up things is sad b/c you KNOW that everything I am saying about YOU is TRUE. YOU were the one who resorted to name calling and bashing. I only stated why I thought you were having problems finding a date, but NOW I see why you can not get a date. You are over emotional, sensitive, and you have no self esteem. So why don't you sit at home and cry about why women think you are repuslive.

 

I hope that you find someone to complete life. If you are SO intelligent , charming , good looking and interesting , why has no one wanted to date you?

 

There is someone for every one and you will find a GF one day.

 

Good Luck.

[Genesis]

Lonely & dateless in NY,

 

Alabama is a lovely state. I was just telling you that many people from New York are moving to Alabama and other southern states. Many people are leaving New York, to move to a more peaceful place, so the south is not as bad as you may think. The south has gained electoral votes while NY lost them. Many of the New Yorkers I talked to said they were tired of the noise the smell of garbage, prostitutes, and homeless people.

In Alabama we have the lowest property taxes so my family , can afford to have two houses one Alabama and one in Georgia, and not have to pay a large amount of taxes. So you can get more for your money here. That is why New Yorkers are moving south they can build huge houses for less than in NY with out paying high taxes. The south is a great place to live!!! It's warm, you can go hiking and swiming most of the year, I love it CK! Sorry, but the city I live in is known for Space Research and Missile Command Systems not farms. Thats ok I already have a job as a market researcher and I am a graduate student, so I am already busy.

 

Anyway....

 

Ck you must care about being dateless or I would not see you online so much how to flirt and attract woman, most men already know how to do this and do not need tips. That fact that you have never had a girl to take interest in you must really bother you.

 

Yes you are soft skined b/c a real man would be able to accept someones preference in who they date. You got mad b/c I said I would not want to date a man who is soft skinned, sensitive and take offense to any thing said , so what that is my opinion why does it bother you, it has nothing to do with you. As I said before, why don't you try to worry about improving your dating skills. If you ever decided to act like a man maybe you would see that , some of things I told you are things that may be holding you back from finding a date.

I have been in two long term relationships which lasted 4 years each, so I do have some experiences in relationships. Many people do not find thier soul mate with the first person they date. So even thought I have been out on many dates since my breakups, I can count to number of men I have slept with on one hand with a couple of fingers to spare. Right now I am back together with my ex boyfriend. No ones life is always a bed of roses( not even mine), but for the most part I am happy. I am sorry you feel that life cannot be happy b/c it can be. My mother is dead honey, so I am quite sure you did not see her on the street. Life is what you make of it CK, if you chose to be pessimistic then that is on you. I feel that my comments towards you are more personal so they may really hurt you b/c it is something that you are truly experiencing( I do see you searching alot on this website, trying to get tips on how to get dates).

 

I know that you may be jealous of others who actually go out on dates. You seem to bring that up alot. Why do you care if , others have been happy and in love.

[Genesis]

You only posted in TWO topics in the entire forum, so there really does not take a lot of research to know much about you, other than you can not get a get date and woman do not find you attractive. In each post to you talked about your problem of not getting date- and the reasons no one wants to date you, which is the reason you wrote.

 

Sorry kid maybe you should do more research. I hope that someone will want to date you some day.

 

Good Luck with developing dating skills.

[Genesis]

Ck I have written many post here, so I guess it took you a while to read all about me, so I guess you see that I have no reason to lie to you about my life. I was a member before you, so I doubt I would lie to create some character to appease you or anyone else.

 

I write back to many people here who PM me to talk or just to asks me for advice, or just to respond back to posts that I like. The point of this forum is to share experiences, I can not help it if for some reason you can not stand people who date. Everything about me is in my profile and posts. I have nothing to hide. I do not have your problem, so I would not know how you truly feel, sorry. Even though you will not admit it , I really do think that you are upset because of your problem. I did read your posts and they did make me feel kind of bad for talking about you, because you really seem to be at your wits end and do not know what to do.

[ck]

Genisis Trailor park whore in Bama

 

NO honey your the pathetic one because only pathetic women start arguments online. Only pathetic little girls who have something to hide brag about how wonderful everything is. The only thing that you

ever said on this wholeforum that was right was how you generalize people It doesn't take much braincells to make a guess about someone. I could guess what you do down there in alabama but it won't do me any good because I don't live in Alabama nor care.

 

Once you realize the problem is you...Oh wait you do realize it. didn't you send me a note saying sometimes you have a big mouth and it usually gets you in trouble. This is a good example next time you should learn if you don't have any constructive critisism to say then don't say anything at all, but you have learned nothing form your mistakes I see.

 

Right right sure your boyfriend is back together *rolling eyes* Whatever you say. LIAR!

 

Exactly what point did you prove? that you are annoying and childish. That you can make assumptions about people? That you don't realize you have a problem. That you are not affecting me even though your trying your hardest?

 

There was also a T.V. show that showed what usually happened to people full of sh!t who couldn't keep their mouth shut you should watch that.

 

Instead of telling ME when to stop writing why don't you just stop, if it is bothering you so much.

 

Why should I dumbazz it is my post remember Duh!

 

Maybe you should stop writing seeming as my name is on the title.

[Genesis]

Ck ,

 

Telling you that I have a nice life, has nothing to do with you. You seem to be jealous of other peoples happiness. The only person here that is a LIAR is you. If you have not read any of my posts then you do not know anything about me. If you have never had a date before, and no woman has yet to find you interesting, that is not generalizing, that is the TRUTH. You on the other hand just sputter out sterotypes of what you think I am or what you think Alabama is like, but your wrong, b/c you do not know anything about me or Alabama.

 

I have the right to response to your crude posts anytime I want, if you want me to stop writing you then you just need to stop too.

[ck]

Jealous of a nobody LOL be for real. No your pretty much the liar. Actually I have read your post I just don't care enough about you to be a fan, unlike you because you like to read and write about me. I stay on your mind everyday and night. You have no truth You don't know me you don't live near me or even in the same state so you know nothing about me. Like I said keep generalixing little kid because you will never know the truth.

 

If you want to go back and forth then I can do that too; I'm not going to stop postingyou stop posting Get your own topic. I don't go folling you to your topics posting like a loser with no life but to stalk you. So stop being my shadow. If you have nothing to saySHUT IT UP!!!