We broke up a month ago and she is dating this guy

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Hey Everyone, hope you can give me advice

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and it was hard.We've always had our problems about arguying over stupid things. Well anyways about a week before we finally broke up my ex was using the computer alot , joining in on chat rooms and all which I didn't think of much of it then but the week after when we broke up.The day after thisguy kept calling our house and asking for her, at the time shhe said it was her friends boyfriend calling. We'll anyways a few days later she told me it was a guy that she met on-line that lives about 18 hour drive from here on the east coast. I believed it too because I checked the number and it was from there. She used to talk to him for hours and hours on the phone and was getting expensive you know he lives far, and she was telling me that he was just a guy to talk to as he was going through the same relationship thing.

A week later she found a place and moved out. We'd talk once in a while but not much..One day she was late for work and she needed a ride so she called me and I was nice enough to give her a ride.On that car ride to her work she told me she was going to the movies that night with"some guy" ...that made me feel like"Beep"... I felt hurt but I let it go..

We didn't talk for a while until she showed up at my place to see thhe pets and talk. I told her that I loved her and I wanted to try and make things work but she said that she didn't want to, she was scared...We were making small talk after that and asked her what she did last night, and she replied by saying , she watched a movies at that guy's house..She ends up telling me that the guy is the same guy she was chatting with that lived an 18 hour drive away?? I asked her , doesn't he live far on the east coast?? She said that he moved to our city because he got a job with the government. Well I was shocked and also very hurt.. So I got really mad and told her to take the rest of her small stuff out of the apt and I'll drive her home...Get to her place and threw her stuff out of the car.Called her the next day and said I was sorry for acting soo aggresive and told her that I loved her and want to try our relationship again..She said she doesn't know??

Anyone help me especially the girls..Does she ever want to get back together? What should I do?

[Mar]

Well, I'd have to question it, ESPECIALLY in light of the fact that the guy now lives in your city. That means easy access, and he's someone new and interesting. (Not saying you're NOT interesting, you know what I mean by this.) I get the feeling you'd run into the same problems all over again, especially if she's not jumping at the prospect of having another try with you. And I have to also wonder if he really lived that far away in the first place. Maybe I'm too suspicious, but that seems like awfully convenient timing to me....

 

At any rate, I'd suggest giving it a rest for now. Think about what you want, where you want to be, what you want to do, and who you want to be with. If she's this wishy-washy on getting back together with you, I'd take it to mean she's got some feelings for him that aren't going to go away without a huge meltdown on both their parts. Give yourself a chance to let her go and see what's out there, that doesn't involve questioning your trust in her.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted, we're always here.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks Mar

 

Yeah I should do that..Lay low for a while.. Yeah I know It sounds suspicious and convenient that he lives here now. But honestly I checked up on his name and number ,I knew his name and number because of call display, and checked it on the web and in fact he did live that far.. But I see your point though on just letting go for now or for good and see what's out there.. I just find it hard that she would like this guy , even though we've lived and been together for nearly 3 years. I mean she used to always ask me when I was going to marry her and have a baby with her and stuff like that. It may be just a rebound relationship?? I d'ont know but I'll lay low for a while..Wait until she calls me...

Thanks Mar

[vampyr]

first off.. I've been in the same situation. She said she was scared about getting back together with me. Unfortunately she had met someone at her new job and started hanging out with him.. eventually I told her she needs to move out and now she lives with him (only because she can't afford to live on her own).

Now she calls me about once a month... but only when he is at work. I'm tired of it and could care less what she does anymore.

The point of this is... she has already made up her mind. If she comes back to you.. it will be months before that happens. Until then.. move on and enjoy the time to do whatever the hell you want to. It took me awhile to get used to that, but it helps.

Also... if the 2 of you got a pet together... you MUST give it back to her. My ex brought home a cat and she wanted to keep it here when she moved out. I put the cat outside in a carrying crate when she came to get her stuff, I told her that I'm living him out there or letting him go if she doesn't take him.

Don't keep the pets... split them up with responsibility.

Trust me.. I've been through this. She is already gone. You will not get her back at all... she might come back on her own, but you aren't going to be able to get her to do that. People stray... and that's the way they are. You can't change them. Be happy you met her and close the chapter of your life and move on to the next chapter.