Trust!

[GTGIRL]

I have not been on this site in a while, but..I have been dating a cop for about three months and I made a mistake and spoke to his son about how I felt about his dad and I also asked him if I can trust what he says and I know that this was a mistake and I never should have brought in the child. I only told the child that I had strong feelings for his dad and that can I trust what he tells me? Nothing more about the relationship. Oh the child is 21 yrs old. Well, I had a gut instinct that I was not being told the whole truth. He broke it off with me and would not let me even explain what happened. To me it was miscommunication. I really do care for this man and he is a good man. What should I do?

[RooferGirl23]

how does the 21 year old feel about you in his fathers life? If he didnt like you too much then what he told his dad about you could have been way off the mark. Kids try very hard to control their parents when it comes to other realtionships. I have to deal with this problem myself on a regular basis.

[Jetta]

Well I'm an adult facing mom's dating now and I can say for sure we control indirectly. You gave this kid direct control. You should speak these feelings to him, not his son, and I think you learned a hard lesson.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I made a mistake and spoke to his son about how I felt about his dad and I also asked him if I can trust what he says and I know that this was a mistake and I never should have brought in the child. I only told the child that I had strong feelings for his dad and that can I trust what he tells me?

 

I don't know, I don't have children, so I don't KNOW how he feels. But there is a good chance that I would feel that was a real violation of trust, to be honest. I think that it's a hard thing for both of them to get over.

 

Hmmm. Maybe try apologising to dad, and taking him out for a meal or something. But...it would show such a lack of trust to me that I'm not sure I could get over it. I'm sorry it didn't work out - but I can see many problems with this, I'm not sure it's sortable out, to be honest.

 

Good luck!

[treefrogkate]

Welcome to eNotAlone!

 

First off, communication is the backbone on which relationships are built. You needed to be talking to your boyfriend, not his son, about any misgivings or doubts you had.

 

Second, and directly on the heels of communication, is trust. Why be in a relationship if you can't trust your partner, and can't bring those questions to him to discuss?

 

Perhaps you should try one last time to contact him and ask him if you can talk, and then really sit down and talk about things. You should tell him that you appreciate honesty and even if it's painful, you would like him to be completely honest with him and you'll do the same. However, by going behind his back and asking his son about things, he may feel you were being deceptive and immature, and may not want to try again.

[GTGIRL]

I forgot to mention that I did try to talk to his dad and he did not really want to talk. I am just so confused. I just want to explain things to him and he does not want to even listen to that. His is just very pissed at me. I just don't know what to do.

[ncnc]

Send him an email with all your thoughts+feelings. Explain how Sorry you are.

 

This is the only way to go as he is not listening to you in person, he will definitely read the email+then know how your feeling. If he still doesnt want to know after then Im sorry you will need to move on.

 

Good Luck!!

[Karhu]

yes, going behind his back to ask his son is a dangerous move, as it shows your lack of trust in him, (trust is a two way thing) and showing you are deceptive. what would you expect his son to way anyway? start backbiting his father?

 

as treefrogkate said, trust and communication is essential.

 

truthfullness is thefoundation of all human virtues.