Why does love/finding a parnter affect friendship?

[sabena]

Just curious about something that has recently happened to me, online and off and wanted other peoples views.

 

I had made a few guy friends online who really helped me through my tough times and I kinda thought that the friendships made would last...I have also made guy friends in "real life" but as soon as they know you are with someone, or as soon as they meet a girlfriend they drop you like a ton of bricks.

 

I never wanted anything more than friendship off these guys and yet its like because they've suddenly "got a girlfriend" or know that I am with someone they don't want to know. And a couple of the guys this has occurred with I am really surprised at them for doing it.

 

I don't really want to approach them about it, because I think its their loss...but I just wondered what other peoples views on this subject are

[bleeder]

Hi Sabena,

 

I can credit it to the possibility of the difference in sexes.

 

When a guy and a girl form a platonic friendship, it is something beautiful. You get the edge over guy-guy or gal-gal friendships as there are so much more topics you can share about.

 

But when one party gets attached, their partner might see this relationship as a threat. Thus what most people would do is just to back away.

 

You need not think there is something you did wrong or whatever. It's just a basic mechanism built into most folks..especially when they get hitched.

 

Hope that I have shed some light.

[buffalosoldier]

Hey Sabena!

i can sort of relate here,though im still not quite sure of the answer.same thing happened to me,i had a lot of guy friends until i got together with my bf,and like magic 99% of them drifted away..i think from a guys point of view they sort of dont wanna be seen to be getting in your bfs territory,some guys are like that.

its a bit upsetting coz you sort of wonder why they would do it..but i dont think its any reflection on you at all. i still felt like i was making the effort with my guy friends even wen i was with my bf so it wasnt that i had dropped them or anything. i think maybe its just their way of giving you some space when you have a bf,maybe they think that you no longer need their male services any more(im sure you do)!

as for the part about guys going off with their new girlfriends, i think alot of people get wrapped up in the initial stages of a relationship and tend to be a bit oblivious to other things,but hey we've all been there!

 

Hope this helps xxx

[sabena]

I understand that SwingFox but I mean you still talk to your friends though don't you, of the opposite sex? I mean you don't just drop them because you have met someone do you?

 

I just find it a little hard to understand, because I feel I made efforts recently with these people and now I have given up because it's not fair for one person to do all of the work.

[pimpcess]

Hey Sabena,

 

Yeah, this has happened to me before, and I couldn't understand it. Maybe they feel that you've met someone, so you'll start to neglect the friendship, so they do it before you can?? Thats a complete guess, but still.

 

When this happened to me, I simply said to myself, I obviously didn't mean an awful lot to them in the first place for them to just let go that easy. There was no other way around it for me.

 

Good luck.

 

Pimpcess

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Sabena,

 

I sometimes have to search for you and Pimcess's posts because there always cool,

 

How about this for a friend dropping you like a hot potato,

 

I had a best friend "C" four years, 4 years I tell you and I mean we were inseperable...until he found out that I fell in love with my current boyfriend. See before he didnt feel intimidated because i never loved the other men i dated...but this one took me to another level. I love him, and the friend not only got jealous, but waited four years to confess that he was secretly in love with me. I was like "Hello" what part of your way too late don't you get? Anyhow this same friend doesnt even see or call me any more. Not to mention the fact that he lives two blocks down the road but he was so hurt I guess that the friendship was not enough.

 

I love this topic because its something that i felt but couldnt put into words!

[netman]

Sabena, I believe that men and women COULD have friends of the opposite sex, but I'm not really one of those types of guys. I have 5 sisters so I had all the female goto power that I needed, and I've always been "hooked up" with a female whether in a long term relationship or just dating. Although, I know a lot of female friends that I've grown up with or live in my old neightborhood, I just never maintained friendships with females (my g/f loves that) beyond just "Hello, how you been?" when I see them. Maybe when I was younger but not now.

 

I've had relationships with females in that past that I've halted because they've found b/f's that they're happy with. I feel like I'm giving respect to the guy. Plus, a lot of guys maintain friendships with females because of the hope that one day a relationship or something could evolve, and when they see that the female found someone the hope is gone, hence the need to maintain the friendship.

 

This may sound bad and it isn't always the case, but it's the truth. I see a lot of females who have male friends who are silently after them, but they just don't pick up on it. You mean you didn't know they liked you when they would call you everyday and invite you to the movies and dinner and stuff? Come on.... What's worse is that sometimes there are women who DO pick up on this and take advantage of the kindness and take it for weekness. Believe me, I've been down that path. Never again!!! I hope noone take offense to this...

[Genesis]

You had issues with your BF and his "female friends" I think it is the same thing. I guess it is a double standard for you. You do not like your BF's female friends, but you question why someones elses GF would not like your friendship with her man?

 

People do not want to hurt their relationship by bringing an outsider into the picture. Way ruin a good relationship for someone that you meet online and have only know for like 3 months , NOT ME!!!