Me and myself Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Hi my friends It's been some time since my last visit here. I've kept my NC, since I started it almost 1 and a half month ago. This is my second NC period...the first one (one month) was broken just to e-mail her to ask her to do not contact me anymore (she began to text me with invitations). So, I don't see her since one week after the break up, i.e. since the beginning of January. She has followed stricly my request and never contacted me again...nor even those chain mails she used to send with those power point presentations saying "If you pass this mail to 1000 friends, you'll live until the end of the century." Well, how am I today? In one word: confused. I don't think about her that much, I don't have absolutely any hopes about our relationship but I have a plan...My plan is to be her friend so that she can know the real me, which she never did because our relationship was very short, as well as our friendship. She have some common friends and she goes to places where I used to go before we met. I feel restrained because I can't go to those places 'cause I know she's there. In fact, I've been obcessed about the day I go there again and meet her face to face. I don't know what I will find and that's making me anxious. So, first of all I must reach that stage on which I don't think about her anymore, I don't remember her anymore. When that day comes, I will go to those places again and I will be prepared to start a friendship with her. I don't know how long it will take, I really don't know, but when that day comes I want to feel confortable about this issue. I've been working in my self-esteem issues, my self-confidence..I have started to run twice a week, doing some gimnastics at home, going out at the weekends with some friends, I'm also planning to do some conoeing the next weekend...I've been occuping all my time but, in spite of so many activities, I feel a hole inside me that is very difficult to fill...I stil couldn't find what can fill it, I'm searching for it inside and outside of me but, until now, I couldn't find it. These have been difficult times for me, not because I think about her, but because I don't know what I'm looking for...I'm running to some unkown place. Lately I've been feeling some needs to contact her again but I know this is my mind playing tricks, I'm thinking she might forget me and that will crash all my plans about her. So, first of all, I must forget about any plans I have, I must fill the hole inside me so that I don't feel the need of making plans, feel the need of her in my life. If any of you have some advice about how to deal with this stage, please post here. Link to comment
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