ever dated anyone like this?

[mintblossom]

have you ever dated anyone that was nice to everyone else BUT you?

 

i remember this guy that i dated...he was so mean to me. he didnt start out that way, but let's just say by the time we ended it, he had hung up the phone on me, ignored me during the holidays, and my birthday, i think he purposely waited the day after valentine's to send me a happy valentine reply to my email, slammed the door in my face, yelled at me, called me weird, made me watch him eat at a restaurant, was really cheap to me, rolled on his back away from me right after sex, told me he liked blondes when i have black hair, promised to go places with me that we never ended up going, never told me he was moving and in general....treated me like dirt.

 

BUT the thing is....with other people, his friends...everyone else..he acted like the nice guy, the good guy, he bought his friends things, treated them politely, respectfully, was witty, funny, charming, donated to charity......listened to his friends on the phone and gave them advice...

 

i mean, it was so insulting and humiliating to be treated so badly and to have put up with it becaused i liked him at the time. ](*,) but how nice he was to everyone else was like rubbing salt in my wounds.

 

what gives?? (however, a coworker did tell me that he hated him because he treated him like he was subhuman). i didn't understand...he seemed to have a dual nature. and at times i would question if he really was so bad to me because he was so nice to everyone else.

[RebeccaChow]

Dump the jerk!! I've dated guys like that before and it actually lasted 2 years, I took 2 years of his bull * * * * and even forgave him time and time again.

 

And yes he did worst things, he punched me in the stomach, he torment me emotionally with words, he would hit me when he was angry. He'd make me cry in public and turn over the plates of food. He hung up the phone on me for million times, he pushed me, he scolded me like crazy and he liked another girl whilst with me, told me he like Japanese girls when I'm chinese.

 

Basically, a typical jerk!! I hate him. Fortunately, my current squeeze is way way better, he loves me so much! Take care hun.

[Goldfish6888]

Sounds like one of my ex's!

 

Not that he was that horrible to me as to do some of the things you mentioned - but this is someone who is concerned with how they look to outside people - rather than how they really are.

 

I've read quite a bit on this as I also found it hard to reconcile how I could be SO STUPID as to fall for him, when quite clearly he was living a life of duplicity, lies and basically not living in reality - or rather living in HIS version of reality. Hence he could rationalise to himself cheating on me with multiple people and still think he was the best guy in the world and he would berate other guys for being so bad to their g/f's! I thought he was such a decent guy. When friends were moving house - he would offer his services to them - yet when I flew 3000 miles to see him - he was not available - he had (conveniently) a job interview in Florida! Yet still told me how much he missed me etc., Just enough titbits of lovin' to keep me hanging on.

 

I'm guessing your guy also must have been giving you something to hang onto?

 

Anyway in my quest to understand this person who I wasted a year and a half on, I stumbled accross a psychological disorder, often called NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) - not saying your ex (or I hope he is your ex now!) has this, but it does sound perhaps that he does.

 

Check it out it, makes for some interesting reading - and funnily enough statitistics say, quite a few of us have it!!

 

My ex has been trying to meet up with me recently, but I'm too busy to be concerning myself with someone who is not fit to clean my boots.

 

Find someone who deserves you!! Good luck! Goldfish

[Karhu]

I think you already know the answer, and want re-assurance that you're thinking straight.

 

Leave him, move on with your life and you'll be happier. The path to happiness is waiting.

[Altruist]

What a jerk!!!

[Tezza]

Goldfish is right, he is a Narcissist, my ex is one and I was with him for almost 8 years. He was two faced, he's all so nice to certain friends and family, but to me he was nasty...

 

He hated when I told everyone about the true him, now he has done a 180 and is not hanging out with our friends anymore and has met and is engaged to some random girl on the internet who doesn't know his true self and history.

 

He told me not to talk to anyone about him, about how he is a liar, cheater and an abuser, and I did the total opposite, now none of his friends have any respect for him and they all know what he is truly like except his new friends... The past will catch up to him sooner or later... People like these can really destroy you mentally...

[cpc28655]

I didn't have this problem until after I got married. I took her crap for 5 years. I know how you feel.