Help please!

[red75]

Hi,

I hoping that guys that have been in the situation my husband is in now can give me some advice. My husband has admitted to me he is addicted to porn, but now he is saying he isn't. I'm hurting so bad, I want to leave him, but also want to help him. I love this man with every breath in my lungs, but being rejected by him is torturing my soul. I really try not to press the issue, because it pushes him away. Just recently for our anniversary, I dressed up like a goddess and wanted to have sex with him, but he turned me down. He told me he was to tired, so I went into my computer room to browse the net, and when I went into my history folder looking for a website I wanted to go to, I found tons of porn from that day. We talked about it the next day and he admitted that he did masturbate (which I see as normal), and that's why he lied to me and told me he was tired. I have begged him to watch porn with me, but he refuses to. When he admitted to being addicted to porn, he told me he looks at it almost everyday, well we only have sex maybe 3 times a month. There was also a time when I was waiting for him to get home, I was all sexy looking waiting for him on the bed, as soon as he walked in the door he came over to the bed and kissed me, and said I'm to tired to have sex. Well, I understood, and he went to do some work outside. The phone rang and startled me (I was nearly asleep), I then went outside to be near him and I found him in the shed over a magazine masturbating. Now, I'm 20 lbs. heavier than I want to be, but I'm very beautiful, and extremely sexy, I have a size D chest, so why doesn't he want me, rather than masturbating while looking at something he cant touch? He is jealous of me, and gets mad when his friends make comments about me or to me, he says I dress to sexy. I thought I could help (wean him) with the problem, by sexually satisfying him in anyway he wanted (If he wanted a porn star, I was going to be one just for him). When I say I went to extremes, I prided myself on doing whatever it took turn him on. I feel so neglected, and lonely I have thought about having affair, but I love him to much, and the idea of another man having his hands on me makes me feel like trash. I've been crying so much, my eyes hurt, of course he I don't let him see me cry because he gets mad. He also admitted to me that sometimes when we have sex he fantasies about having sex with a porn star, that hurt soooo bad. Can someone please help me to understand him, before I do leave him for good. Help me to look at this in a different perspective, so I can find a way to cope with feeling like I'm just not enough, and like something is wrong with me.

 

I don't know how to tone this down, and I apologize, but I this my only way of saying how I feel.

[sabena]

hello..and I hope some advice that you get will help you..

 

You say that you have spoken to your husband but have you really spoken to him or have you pleaded with him instead...There is a difference...You need to find a time during the day, away from home, somewhere neutral and discuss this with him. But maybe in a way where you are asking him what he feels when he sees porn, what he looks forward...

 

You say you are very beautiful and sexy, and that your husband gets jealous over other men talking to you. Maybe your husband is a little overwhelmed by your confidence? Maybe he is frightened that he won't be able to please you to what you would want? Masturbating over porn, he is in full control, he can switch it off when he wants, none of the girls will say anything bad or back to him, and he always pleases...maybe a little bit of him (although he may not admit this) is frightened of not pleasing you?

 

It is a hard one this because I have not been in this position, although I have been in a position where I escaped on the net from my ex...so maybe you need to also look at other areas in your marriage and really dissect them and see if there is anything wrong. How are your jobs, family, children, finances? You need to look at everything, write down all of the bad things that have happened in the last year and see if there is a connection from when he started to not want intimacy...

 

failing this I can only think of a counsellor to help.

 

Hope this helps and good luck.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

His problem isn't something he can't control. I staidly know from experience. He has to make a choice to change how he chooses to thinks. You sound like an incredibly giving person and you shouldn't have to put up with someone who chooses to do something that he knows makes you fell badley. I wouldn't suggest the affair, and I'm seldom the one to suggest leaving your spouse, but if they show that they are indifferent to your feelings than they haven't kept their part of their covenant with you to love you. Saying that he's addicted is just a cop out so that he can keep doing it. He doesn't care what you want think or feel. I hope that someday I find someone as caring and giving as you seem to be.