Need some advice on current situation please (LONG...)

[CKV99]

First I'll apologize, this is a long read. I wanted to be thorough because, this is the most confusing relationship I have had. I could probably write a book if this goes on for much longer, considering I cut alot of minor things out and this has only been 2 months!

 

- - - Backstory - - -

 

I met a girl in a class at the beginning of the semester, and started talking to her alot after class. I found out she had a boyfriend (Not from her directly telling me, but from overhearing it), but she was really fun to be around so I asked her what she was doing this weekend after class one day. She said she was really busy and paused for a minute, and then said she was going to be hanging out with some friends somewhere, and said I was welcome to come. I decided to go and had a lot of fun.

 

The following Monday, she came in and let me know she has to drop the class. I asked if I could get her cell phone number so we could stay in touch and she didn't have a problem with it. Two days later was Valentine's day, and we got our first tests back, and she set the curve so I gave her a call to let her know, but mostly to ask how her valentines day went to see if I could catch any clues. Even though I expected to hear about her boyfriend doing something great for her, atleast I would know not to ask her out. She said it was good/bad, and then went on to call it something like single awareness day.

 

I was obviously cought by surprise and didn't know what to say, so I mentioned I was single too. She asked if she could call me back tomorrow because it was pretty late, and she was busy. I missed her call the next day, but we talked on saturday / sunday for about 2 hours total, and I expressed that I was interested in her, but didnt really ask for a date exactly. The next weekend she called and asked if I wanted to hang out with her and one of her friends again, and I had a lot of fun with her again. However when we were there she got a call from someone, but was disgusted when she saw who it was. Her friend asked who it was and she said his name, and her friend said "Blowing off the boyfriend?".

 

The following Monday I called her and asked her if she wanted to go out on a date with me. She said she really wanted to, but I am 3 years older than her, so her dad wouldn't allow it. We talked on the phone a bit probably about every other day for a little while, just getting to know each other. She is a really busy person (senior year in highschool, and she's taking alot of college credit / honors classes) so I understand that she couldn't do a whole lot, and was pretty ok with it. 2 weeks later I invited her (and her best friend, since she can't go out alone with me) to go see a movie with me and a few friends who were in town for spring break. I made sure to pay alot of attention to her, so she wouldn't feel awkward or anything, and I know she had a lot of fun. I walked her back to her car with her friend, and didn't really think it was ok to kiss her since we havn't really had a date, and her friend was staring at us, so I just asked if it was ok if i hugged her goodnight so we did.

 

- - - Current Issue - - -

 

The following week we were both on spring break, all of my friends had gone back out of town, and she went on a cruise with her family, so I was bored out of my mind. Anyways I gave her a call the week after spring break to see how her trip was, and ask if she wanted to do something again. She said she'd try and make some time, but ended up having to watch her little sister. I told her not to worry about it too much, and theres always next weekend.

 

So I tried to call her on Monday the following week, but she didn't answer. I tried again thursday night and left a message that invited her (and her best friend again...) to go see blades of glory. She called me back and explained that her phone broke, and she just got her dad's old phone and it was a big piece of junk too. She said she would love to go... but then went on to ask if it was ok if a guy she knew came, because he had been feeling really bad lately. I had met him at one of the other times I was with her, and he seemed like a good guy, so I didn't think it was too big of a deal so I said sure.

 

So Friday rolls around, and I meet them out there. She ended up bringing another friend who really wanted to meet me because apparently she has been talking about me alot (I guess thats a good thing). I am a really shy person, so just being around 1 person I don't really know very well is tough for me, but now it was essentially 3. We went in to get seats for the movie, and the guy that came jumped infront of me to sit next to "my girl" for lack of better words. I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it, I mean technically we arn't even dating or anything, so I just went ahead and sat elsewhere. She made him move to sit next to me, which made me feel a little less awkward, but during the movie every time I looked over to talk to her I would see him somewhat glaring at me.

 

After the movie me and the guy hung out for a few while the girls did some stuff. I tried to ask him a few things about the girl, but he was pretty unresponsive. I mentioned that I really wanted to take her on a date, but her dad was getting in the way and he basically just mumbed that he had heard all about it, and tried to get off the subject.

 

We went and got icecream after a little while, and she offered to let me ride with them, she drove them all, it was just a block or so down the street. I wanted to sit in the front with her, obviously and said so, but of course the guy jumped infront of me. The other 2 girls both yelled at him for it, but he didn't really seem to give a damn. We ate the icecream in her car, and i just kind of sat in the back by myself because of course he jumped in the spot with her. By this point I was completely frustrated with the entire night, just because of him. I didn't want to do anything that would ruin everyones night 10 minutes or whatever before the night was over, so I just kept quiet. She climbed in the back seat with me for about a minute or so before we left, but I was too frustrated for the to really help by this point.

 

I normally wouldn't have really cared, I'm not a jealous person, but it had been nearly a month since I had seen her, and I was really looking forward to it, and that one person completely ruined the night for me. I just felt like she didn't really try to help ease the tension at all like I did when she was with me and my friends. I don't know if she realized how frustrated I was because I tried to hide it as much as I could. I don't really think the guy was hitting on her, I know they are good friends, and he did sort of the same stuff when I he was with us before, though not nearly as possessive of her.

 

I called her Saturday afternoon to try and talk to her about it, but I got her voicemail. I left a message that just basically said I was sorry about being in such a bad mood, but I had been looking forward to hanging out with her since it had been awhile, and I'd talk to her later. I tried to call back a little later that night, but her phone was off. I tried once more today because it was still eating at me, but I just got her voicemail again so I asked her to give me a call back if she gets the message.

 

I know she is generally pretty busy on the weekends, especially sunday, so I don't really know whether to think she is ignoring me, was just busy, or even if her new... old... phone screwed up. I really doubt it was a phone thing, since I got through twice, and it was off once. I just feel like if she really cared she would have atleast made an effort to contact me when I called Saturday to let her know why I was so unresponsive, although thinking about it more I can see how she might have thought that I said what I wanted to in the message. At the same time, I know she also might just be busy. I am probably overreacting and only being annoying / seeming desperate by trying to get ahold of her so much, but I honestly don't know if her phone is acting up again or what, and I can tell I am going to feel like crap about this until I can talk to her about it.

 

Most of my friends have suggested the the problem really stems from not being able to go on a real date with her, along with lack of seeing her very often. They said that unless I can get her dad to let me take her on a real date, that I should probably not even try to consider her as anything more than a friend, and thus make this whole thing less frustrating. If I get ahold of her, I think I will try and push the subject of really wanting to go on a date with her rather than these group outings, or just remain friends if she says that can't happen because of her dad.

 

Any suggestions welcome, I really don't want her to think I am in a rush with the relationship, I think it should be pretty obvious that I am not since I am still interested after having to basically be just a friend for 2 months. She is by far the most fun girl I have ever met, we have so much in common and every time except for this one was a blast to be with her.

 

A buddy of mine suggested to try one more time tomorrow, when I know she should be free, and if she doesn't answer leave a message saying I'd like to hear from her. If she doesn't call back by the weekend either A) say screw it, or B) try her home phone rather than cell phone. I figure if she is trying to avoid me anyways, why not just call her home phone and make her answer, it's not really going to matter if she doesn't want to talk to me what does it matter if I creep her out a little more, and then if she did want to talk but was having cell phone trouble again so she didn't get my messages / lost my number again then she wouldn't find it creepy and would be happy.

[Orlander]

Well, it sounds like the guy at the movie is into her. It sounds like she may be interested but put off by the age difference or just plain busy. See you wont know until you ask.

 

Call her until you get the chance to talk to her. Find a way. Ask her out on the date. If she says she isnt ready now or that the age difference really is the issue, then just say goodbye and find someone else.

 

 

Orlander

[CKV99]

Lol thanks for actually taking the time to read all of that. I know it was long, but I felt people needed to hear the whole story to actually understand our situation. I know it seemed like that guy in the movies was probably really into her, but I am fairly certain they are just friends, and maybe he felt a little threatened that I might be invading his space or something.

 

If he does then I definitely got the feeling that it wasn't mutual, by the way she kind of brushed off his advances (which like I said, they have been friends a long time, so this sort of stuff might be really generic and that isn't really what bugged me, it was just the circumstances it happened under, since it had been so long).

 

I agree I need to try and talk her into going on a real date, and if she can't let her know that it's not working. When I hung out with just her and he best friend it felt almost like a date (she knew we both liked each other, so she gave us space for most of the night) but it still wasn't quite right obviously.

 

I know she isn't put off by the age difference, it's her dad that won't let me do anything with her. I havn't really tried to confront this issue because I didn't want to seem pushy, but I think I have been pretty patiant with the issue.

 

I just feel like calling once a day or whatever would get really annoying to a girl, even if she did like me, but I think she owes me some sort of explanation rather than just ignoring me (if that is what she is doing) and I honestly don't know if how well her phone works.

 

Well I will listen to your advice I think and try to call her again tomorrow around when we usually talk on weekdays. Hopefully she will answer, I really don't like to drag stuff out like this.

[scotty77]

Mmm,it doesn't sound promising in my opinion,I don't care how busy she is ,it only takes a moment to call someone ,especially someone that you are interested in.I wouldn't call her again,you have already called her enough considering she hasn't returned your calls.If she calls you soon I suggest you are clear with your intentions,''let's do something,just the two of us'' and see how she responds.Otherwise I would move onto someone else.

[Dating Coach]

I agree that it doesn't sound promising. It's very unusual for a girl who is interested in a guy to make it this difficult for him to go out on a date with her. Usually if it is this difficult she's interested in being just friends and that's why she's avoiding the date, no matter what excuses she gives you.

 

The only way to know would be to call her up and ask her out on a date. YOU pick a place and time and try to set it up. If she can't that day immediately give her a counter offer day. If she is still not interested in setting it up then it's time for you to move on and quit wasting your time pursuing a girl who's not interested enough in you to go on a simple date.