how do I carry on

[lull65]

how do I carry on - my partner has left me and my 3 children 12, 10 and 7 within the last 5 weeks, he has now found a new gf 3 weeks ago and apparently he is besotted with her. He seems to have lost interest in his children because of her and tomorrow is my sons 13th birthday and @I get the feeling he is not going to bother with him. I feel really sad and let down, and tonight I just dont know what is in the future, it is doing my head in.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

he may be able to go chase his latest fantasy, but he cannot totally walk away from his responsibility to his children.

 

If he has left you for this woman and you are married, then consult an attorney about getting an emergency support order while you file for separation and divorce, on the way to getting permanent support payments for your children.

 

If you were not married yet have children together, then consult an attorney about establishing paternity and getting child support payments for your children.

 

You can't make him want to be with his children, but you can ensure that their lives are not financially as well as emotionally devastated by his departure.

 

He may eventually come out of his hormonal haze with this other woman, and decide his children are indeed important to him, or he may not. But you need to take care of their physical support by ensuring he pays what he should for them, and try to get some kind of family counseling to help your children through this difficult time.

 

i am sorry he has left you, but if he is such a cad that he will drop his own children to chase after a woman, he's not much of a man, and you don't want him, no matter how devastated you are now. there are tons of single mothers who find ways to make their children feel loved in spite of their father's behavior, and those women can go on to find loving partners for themselves and a suitable father figure for the children, if their own father turns out to be a loser.

 

i'm sorry this has happened to you, but please focus on what is important, making your son's day as fun as possible, regardless of what his father does. don't make excuses for his father either, and don't pull any punches. a 13 year old is old enough to know the truth, that his father is off chasing a woman, which is reflection on the father's character, not the worthiness of the child to be loved.

[amystar]

I'm sorry you and your children have to go through that! ****HUGS*****

 

You nor your children deserve that and quite frankly your ex does not deserve you!!!!! Focus on yourself and your kids. They really need you right now. I know it's hard to look for any good in the future but time will pass and you will move on. Think about all of the positive things in your life, like your kids. They will be there for you no matter what and they will always look up to you.

 

Your ex husband will eventually realize what he has lost and will feel guilty about not being involved in his kids lives.

 

Have you thought about getting some counceling? Therapy could be good in helping you deal with the situation.

 

For right now, take your kids out and have some fun, I'm sure they could use it. Focus on all the good things in your life, and post on this forum, there are a lot of supporting people around here! Good luck!

[lull65]

He has made contact with us this morning and is coming out for a meal with us tonight. I had too much to drink last night and sent him several texts which I now regret sending. I sent him a text this morning and apologised for last night - I was bang out of order, we need to keep friendly for the sake of the children.

 

He told me this morning that he had moved on and that I would find somebody eventually. So that is the end of an era for us - 18 years.

[BarCap]

Wow - what has happened to you is extremely horrible and sad !!! I would be absolutely devastated.

 

I think you need to find strength in your children. Try your absolute hardest to not show any weakness/sadness in front of them. Think about the fact that this will affect your children in the future, and find be DETERMINED, and DRIVEN to NOT let that happen...

 

Make sure you SHOW your children every second of every day that they are THE most important thing in your life... NOT through words, but THROUGH actions.......... Make sacrifices for them, more than you ever have... Right now it's not enough to just TELL them that you love them...

 

I know the pain is extreme from ending the relationship, but with time that will go away..... But it would be very difficult to repair the damage this has done to your children. Your husband clearly doesn't care about that - so don't bother going to him and saying "don't you care about our children".... Try to avoid him as best as you can...

 

FOCUS ON YOUR CHILDREN - NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW !!!! And DON't STOP.

[jo71]

how do I carry on - my partner has left me and my 3 children 12, 10 and 7 within the last 5 weeks, he has now found a new gf 3 weeks ago and apparently he is besotted with her. He seems to have lost interest in his children because of her and tomorrow is my sons 13th birthday and @I get the feeling he is not going to bother with him. I feel really sad and let down, and tonight I just dont know what is in the future, it is doing my head in.

 

Hi lull65. I am going through the exact same thing right now. H of 17 yrs left me and our 2 kids (ages 16 and 12) last month for another woman, and another life. Says he hasn't been happy for almost 2 years. I am completely devastated, but trying to move on and find forgiveness. In the past month, he's only visited with our kids 4 times. I guess that works out to about once a week, but we had originally agreed that he'd see them every weekend plus a couple of days throughout the week. I too have to now decide what I'm going to do about the future for myself and my kids.

 

One thing I have learned over the past couple of months is, you CAN begin to feel happy again, once you let yourself. Just make sure you have a few people around you that will be willing to let you blow off steam whenever you need to. Here, a family member (mother, sister) or a best friend. Also know that you're in for a doozy of a rollercoaster ride, so just grit your teeth through the down times...they will get better. But don't be surprised when you go through 10 different emotions in one day. Your mind is going to be reeling for a little while...it is all natural. The best advise I've picked up on....and this will sound crazy to you at first....let him go. This site has a great article about this titled "Breaking the Compulsive Cycle". Sometimes it works to bring the spouse back, BUT if it does not (and it's maybe a 50/50 shot)...you have at least given yourself space and time away from him, and TRUST ME...it is SO much easier to move on and be happy again, the less contact you have with him. Of course, like me, you have children, which makes NO contact impossible...but you can still keep contact to a minimum. Buy yourself a nice bouquet of flowers for your kitchen...it will cheer you up. And now, I would never endorse dishonesty...but if you h asks you where they came from, simply tell him they are from "a friend" (you are your own friend, right? Seriously though, don't elaborate...especially if he keeps asking. Another great piece of advice I received...write a letter to him really blasting him about all the things you hate about him...but don't mail it. Keep it for yourself and when you are feeling weak (i.e., you are wanting to call him, or email him), take the letter out and read it...it really works in helping you remember WHY you do NOT want to call him! The best tip...keep posting. It is very theraputic to speak with others who have been in this same situation.

 

Take care of yourself and those kiddies.

 

Jo