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Erikinlove

By Erikinlove
in Relationship Advice

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karvala Collaborator

karvala

Posted
Posted

There are basically three possible reasons for her behaviour

 

(1) Very strong personal/religious/ethical convictions about what she wants combined with very strong self-discipline.

 

(2) A major personal issue that makes her fear any physical contact, for which she may benefit from therapy.

 

(3) A lack of physical attraction towards you.

 

If you want to find out which it is, you're going to have find a way to get her to open up about it. And be assured, what you want is not unreasonable or abnormal in any way, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I think 99% of people would have been out of there a long time ago, so credit yourself getting this far, but at the same time, it really does seem to be something that now needs to be addressed, and she really needs to talk about what is going on here.

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karvala Collaborator

karvala

Posted
Posted
She says its number 1 but I think its number 3 honestly. She masterbates all the time but not with me. what can I do??? anything??

 

The masturbation doesn't sit easily with number 1, but it's just about possible. That being the case, though, what are the specific personal/ethical/religious reasons? And how is it that they can occasionally be relaxed, such as when you last made out two months ago, but not often, and how is it that masturbation is permitted? I'm struggling to imagine what a credible answer to those questions would look like.

 

On the other hand, it's it's number 3 as you suspect (and I can see why), then why do you think she remains with you, and has done so for so long? E.g. do you pay for everything, or provide her with a place to live, or anything like that?

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Jayar Experienced

Jayar

Posted
Posted

Sorry but it sounds like she has some serious issues surrounding intimacy and sex. Could be her upbringing, her past, or something else. But this won't get better (IMO) so you have to decide whether you'll be happy with this girl for the long term. Life is short... Unless you're unhappy in your relationship, then it can feel REALLY long. Best of luck!

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Devchonka Contributor

Devchonka

Posted
Posted

WOW.

 

You've been together 6 years and you MAKE OUT maybe once a month? What is she an ex nun??? That is not at all healthy. I understand not having sex, BUT if she masterbates by her self than this chick has no excuse to even pull a #1 on you. I'm sorry but six years is a freakishly long time to be with someone you can't be physical with. A normal relationship involves physical expression of adoration as well as being "friends". Shes treating you like a friend right now. The way things are between you makes you just friends.

 

Tell her what you feel.

 

Really if I were you I'd dump her and move on with my life to find a healthy relationship where a person can express desire for you as well as love.

 

How old are you? It can all depend of course on you age. Maybe she's a little on the young side. Being together ince you were say 8 if very different than being together since you were 14. Though if she masterbates...guess who's ready sexually? Guess who's not even gettig a kiss? Exactly.

 

Move on. This won't change. You'll end up with a prude for he rest of your life that'll maybe have sex with you in another 6 years ONCE and then it'll take her a year to "recover".

 

My bet is somethign happened to her as a kid to make her feel so closed in about having other people be intimate with her.

 

How old are you?

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Devchonka Contributor

Devchonka

Posted
Posted

I read your other post, the one a year ago...

Dude...get some balls and leave. My guess is that you're pretty young and you have your whole life ahead of you, she may be your first love but while you grow emotionally you'll find that she's not the only girl out there. And some of them will actually want to be more than friends with you.

 

By the looks of things: She's not that into you. I bet you it started a bit more than a year ago. I'd go with number #3. Looks like she doesn't want to leave the comfort of having SOMEONE there by her side, but if after almost breaking up with you she's acting like she is now...yeah. Leave her. I'll tell you what: I have a very good hint of this...my guess is that she'll break up with you in a year or two when she'll find someone she WANTS sexually. One thing about sexual attration: you need attraction to keep a relationship exiting and have it be taken to another level.

 

Or...she'll MAKE you break up with her because she'll just make hell of your relationship and doesn't want to be the one to leave.

 

Only you can choose what to do. Just stop being unhappy.

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TheFoglifter Collaborator

TheFoglifter

Posted
Posted

I think you know pretty well that she is just not physically attracted to you.

 

She has everything she wants, for now. If you are supporting her or are comfortable for her, then she won't leave you. Trust me, once desire disappears, its hard as HELL to get it back. You are way too young to be stuck in a sexless relationship. Here is what will happen if you don't resolve this issue (either by you accepting it, or her changing, or your relationship ending).

 

1) You will grow to resent her deeply, and you will forever be conflicted about your feelings, loving her and hating her at the same time.

 

2) You WILL cheat eventually, or be very very very very very very very very very close to it -- some opportunity will arise and it will just happen.

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iwishiknew Proficient

iwishiknew

Posted
Posted
There are basically three possible reasons for her behaviour

 

(1) Very strong personal/religious/ethical convictions about what she wants combined with very strong self-discipline.

 

(2) A major personal issue that makes her fear any physical contact, for which she may benefit from therapy.

 

(3) A lack of physical attraction towards you.

 

If you want to find out which it is, you're going to have find a way to get her to open up about it. And be assured, what you want is not unreasonable or abnormal in any way, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I think 99% of people would have been out of there a long time ago, so credit yourself getting this far, but at the same time, it really does seem to be something that now needs to be addressed, and she really needs to talk about what is going on here.

 

 

I have always experienced a lack of physical attraction..Its a key factor

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