Oh god...I can't stop...

[Alabama]

Since there is no addiction forum, I'd thought I'd post here. I can't stop. I'm so desperate at this point that some days, worse than others, I will look up profiles up of cute girls on facebook or myspace. Today I found a treasure trove of pics...I tried to find mostly underage girls...and earlier in my life I would save thier pics and look at them; I can't stop...what do I do to keep my life in a healthy light...?

[jengh]

hmm.. what is it with underage girls? Do you try to persue them or is it more of just a fantasy?

[Alabama]

Mostly just a fantasy...I would never try to pursue them...I fear the consequences of my actions too much.

[jengh]

Mostly just a fantasy...I would never try to pursue them...I fear the consequences of my actions too much.

 

Well, that's good. At least you realize it's dangerous (lawfully, anyways). Maybe you could try talking to someone about it? I don't know...how underage are we talking? teenager, young teen, younger???

[Hope75]

Mostly just a fantasy...I would never try to pursue them...I fear the consequences of my actions too much.

 

What age group are you talking about specifically when you say 'underage' girls?

[robowarrior]

What you need to understand is that going in a circle is worthless.

 

What happens in a child that gets raped/sexually abused is beyond a nightmare.

 

I can still hear that one child shouting ' i hope you burn a slow painfull death in hell' in court, after a verdict sentence was given to the older guy who sexually abused him, who was a pastor from church of all things.

 

My advice is, stick with your own age. Block children out of your mind, and replace the fantasy with more mature woman.

 

Its a line you shouldn't cross.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, how old are they exactly? Children? Older teens?

 

Take a second and breathe.

[jengh]

alabama, if you want to talk more privately feel free to PM me or IM me at any of the IMs I listed. I'm completely unbiased and understanding.

[Alabama]

There mostly 14 and up...

[Hope75]

There mostly 14 and up...

 

Ok, so you recognize that they are too young to engage in a consenting, legal sexual relationship with you. You seem a bit panicked, so you recognize that this is not a healthy obsession, and that's a step in the right direction.

 

Have you sought help or counseling for this?

 

Had anything happened to you in the past that makes older women closer to your age seem threatening or inappropriate to you?

[Dako]

Posting here was very brave.

I'm sure you realize the risks involved, so I'd march into a counselor right now. Even if you never act on this urge, it can bring turmoil to your own life.

[Alabama]

I'm seeing a therapist right now for depression...but I think I may bring this topic up tomorrow at our therapy session. And no nothing bad traumatized me about older women or women closer to my age.

[itsallgrand]

I think Dako has the right idea.

 

Mostly because this is a topic that can pack a huge emotional punch for a lot of people, and probably is not best to be handled on a forum.

It could be dangerous trying to unravel it here.

 

I do want to say though, that I have a lot of hope that you can get past this.

 

And I don't think it is uncommon.

 

I don't think it strange, either. You are only 21. Between the teenage years and becoming a grown adult, there can be a lot of sexual confusion of who is acceptable to be attracted to and not. A lot of turmoil.

 

I hope you can be kind to yourself while sorting this through. Taking it out of hiding is the first good step.

[Alabama]

Thanks everyone; I think I will tell my therapist on Monday...but it will be hard.

[jengh]

Thanks everyone; I think I will tell my therapist on Monday...but it will be hard.

 

Great. I think telling him will be the best decision you could make about this. He'll have a much better idea as to how to go about handling the situation. It'll be uncomfortable to bring it up, but if he's a good therapist, he'll make it as easy and comfortable as possible and be understanding.

[Hope75]

Thanks everyone; I think I will tell my therapist on Monday...but it will be hard.

 

I am sure that it will be hard. But admitting this to us was a brave first step. Having a therapist that you like and trust already is a great thing in your favor.

 

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you have a problem with this and asking for help with it. The wrong thing would be to cover it up or act on it. So far you have shown good judgement- and talking with your therapist would be continuing along that path.

[Bethany]

I agree with Dako, very brave.

 

If they are post puberty, then I don't think you are not the person you fear yourself to be although I do agree that they are underage and should not be pursued. I would have been more worried if you had said they were 14 and under.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

Just a quick note to say that I know someone who is a psycho-sexual therapist, and she's dealt with people in your situation. There *are* professionals who can help you with this - i.e. when you have the urge but don't act on them (or haven't yet).

 

It IS important to get help - I think you have been very brave to post this, but I don't think it's something you can deal with on your own. I would also say that looking at these kind of sites IS dangerous; seek help now before you find out that you've been monitored and possibly face prosecution.

 

I think your therapist may well be able to refer you to someone who is skilled in this area - and it will be totally confidential.

 

Good luck.

[Dara]

In some countrys 14 is legal. And from your profile you are only 21. it isn't such a big age gap. You're no monster.

[Rachelle]

Well I hope you haven't saved my pic...but at least you know that you have a problem and you have a lot of courage to post that on here. I think everyone is pointing you in the right direction here.

You do understand that if girls knew you were saving thier pics and looking at them that they'd be disturbed by that right? I am a little...good thing you don't actually pursue any of them.

I'd stop fantasizing, and get into a real relationship with someone old enough for you. The real thing will be so much better than a fantasy.

[Hope75]

In some countrys 14 is legal. And from your profile you are only 21. it isn't such a big age gap. You're no monster.

 

I think the issue is that 14 is emotionally and physically not mature enough to engage in a sexual relationship... that is the reason that laws are in place to protect children of that age group against adults.

 

The OP is very brave to admit it's a problem, and he's aware that it is not something he feels good about and that could potentially get him into trouble (since viewing child porn is also illegal), so he's going to address it with his therapist, which is a very good idea.

 

No one said he was a monster.

[Locke2121]

Underaged girls seem to be a general fanasty among most men. But most don't persue it to the degree that you are.

 

Usually things like this have a basis...your first girlfriend was young, you were abused by a 14 year old when you were little....SOMETHING that causes a slight short circut and draws you to girls this young.

 

Can you think of anything like that happening to you?

[Alabama]

Not really. I've never been in a relationship...would inexperience with women have something to do with it?

[Locke2121]

Yeah...underaged girls are fresh and innocent. To someone who is inexperinced, that can be very appealing.

[Alabama]

so...is it possible if I get into a "healthy" relationship with a girl of my age...that this mindset might go away or be reduced?