back to square 1

[quach128]

Hi enotaloners, Ive been reading other peoples posts here since the day me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago. So for my first time, ive decided to give it a shot and see what you guys think, sorry if it seems abit long winded.

 

ok so where do I start? Ive been dating my ex for 1 year and abit, but before we had started dating, my friend whom which I pretty much grew up with through school also had liked her. She had never liked him because he tried to pursue her and he got rejected many times. So it was pretty hard for me to give him the news that we were now dating. When I did give him the news, he only responded with "why are you telling me this?", "this has nothing to do with me", my intentions was to tell him because weve been friends for so long I didnt want him to have to find out himself or through our mutual friends, since I wouldnt be a good friend if I had kept it secret. After that day my friend never spoke to me, but kept in good contact with my ex and said some things about me to her that I did not appreciate - of course this came right back to me, my ex had told me everything, I was disappointed but I wasnt surprised at why he would say something like that. Ive always known him to be a shifty liar to others, but never to me!

 

Fast forward 1 year and 2 months, my head is a mess..im suffering from axiety, depression, lonelyness and having relapses of my ex when im in places where we used to hang out. Like my room! and places we used to go in the city. We had broken up for really stupid reasons which I cant understand or come to any closure to...Ive been dumped before but this is different, I feel trapped inside my own world. She never told me the main reason why she decided to leave, only after I made all the mistakes of calling and maintaining LC and trying all the things that you wouldnt do to get someone back that she had told me that I didnt deserve to know and never wanted to talk about it again! - this was enough for me to go crazy and iniate NC - little too late though. While I had to deal with this; my friend had came back into the picture, now the thing is he lives about a 3hr drive away from my ex, but now hes coming down everyweek to hang out with my ex and her friends, theyre even going to Japan together next month now? what the hell is this? After I heard the news that they were going to Japan together, I couldnt help but to feel like I was betrayed and feeling as though my so called friend had been saying things to influence her decision to leave me, Hed done it from the very beggining and we havent talked since much since then. Now I feel the anger more then anything else. I decided to call him and ask him if there was anything between them and for him to tell me if there was I needed to know. He said there wasnt anything and I was over-analysing too much. He told me he would not say anything to my ex and told me not to say anything to her either. I never saw him as a friend after that conversation.

 

The next day my ex calls me up and starts telling me off for saying something to my friend - he decided hes not going to japan because of ME!? I was sooo angry, I straight away knew that he had told my ex everything, and now shes really really angry about it. I said told her its not my choice or problem that he doesnt want to go with you anymore. She told me he sent her an email expressing how upset he was and that he could not go anymore because of a certain someone...(aka all fingers point at me). I had to deny to her that I had said anything to him. It was a loose/loose situation. I just didnt want this uneccesary drama. I called up my friend the next day and told him what had happened the night before and gave him a piece of my mind....From then till now it has been quiet.

 

Ive been trying hard to manage myself since then and just slowly getting my self-esteem and confidence back, some days are good, some days I really miss her and how things used to be. Ive become socially inept, I feel closed to new people - unable to hold a conversation and wanting to just fade into the crowd or just go home.

 

Today, I had driven to her house to drop off her remaining things at her doorstep. I noticed that she wasnt home, but I noticed my so called "friend"s car in her carport. A thousand thoughts raced through my head. What the ! is this?? Now I feel like im back in square 1. Although I do see the truth for what it is.. Hes doing to me now, what I did to him I s'pose except the difference is I actually had something with my ex. This is not how mates treat each other.. Im very upset that I have to cut a 10yr friendship off and look like a bad person in my ex's eyes.....im not a bad person:sad: am I?

[beebee]

no... your not a bad person at all!... youve just learned how cut-throat people can be and im sorry for this...

 

start NC asap... it throws people off... they will have no more fuel to use against you...

 

please know your not alone... God bless... beebee

[askauntamy]

That 10 year friendship was cut off at the beginning of your relationship with the ex. Remember how he stopped talking to you?

 

I don't know why those two are dragging you into this, but it's time for you to stop caring. It sounds like you're starting to heal but feel a little closed off, so go make some new friends. Join something new, like a local sport. Something. Anything. Just get away from those two, because their drama is going to burst your head open.

[Strictly4MyGrind]

he is not your friend, you do not want friends like that.

 

you will have hurd this before, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?

 

he was your friend and your enemy at the same time.

 

i wold start NC now, its her loss if she doesnt want to be with you remember that.

 

you probably feel like you cannot be happy without her, but you can, you truly can.

 

you might hurt, what your ex is doing to you may seem evil, she knows you still care, yet she does this, you dont want to be hurt like that.

 

the best way to show her that you care no longer is forget her and try and move on.

 

takecare of yourself for once. YOU are important aswell.

[quach128]

Thank you so much for your responses... It made me feel alot better enough to get through tonight.

 

I knew right from the start that when he stopped contacting me but maintained a friendly relationship with my ex, that there could of been something pre-planned as revenge or something. Theres nothing left I can do or say that will change the circumstances...what goes around comes around I believe. And its always been me,him and my other mate... were all good mates. Unfortunately theyre both not good for my health... I have to cut everyone associated with them off. Who knows what else hes said about me to other people too.

 

That leaves me with no real friends ](*,)

 

I hate how this happens... I wish theyd be more mature about things. - Sorry for the rant

[coco_angel]

Ok guach.. you are in the drama.

 

You need to just ignore them if you truly want a peaceful life.

 

I have had a similier experience and lost jealous friends over a man. Look that just lets you know that he is not yoru true friend. Friends do not do the things you do. Also, you did nothign wrong , nor are you a bad person for following your heart and pursuing a relationship with this woman if it was clear that your ex and your ex-friend had not had any involvement with each other in the past. You know that had to kill him to see you with her! So his reaction was break them up (wrong choice).

 

I would caution you though for future friends to just try and avoid situations like this. Also, who cares if they have a relationship, you know what is going on!

 

Personally, I believe that the woman is playing you both! Don't let her entrap you anymore.

 

And if you have been "friends" for ten years (like I have my best friend of 15years) then you can almost be assured that when this woman gets out of the picture you guys will be able to reconcile if YOU want to.

 

My best friend has done some pretty messed up stuff but we have never let a man get between us. I made that clear to my ex that I would not choose him over my best friend under NO circumstances!

 

I think that if you take the time to cool off, put yourself in his shoes for a moment and just talk..then maybe things can be worked out.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself first!

[quach128]

one of my friends, is celebrating her 25th birthday this long weekend, my ex and a few of my friends have been invited as well. I havent seen my ex for over 3 months now, I dont know if it would be a good idea for me to see her again, should I go?